


Frame And Focus

by liziscribbles



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Face Slapping, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Madarame is a Nightmare, Minor Character Death, Protagonist Goes By Ren, Rating May Change, Soulmarks, Soulmate AU, mild physical abuse, mild violence, musician ren, no personas AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-12-18 12:37:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18249989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liziscribbles/pseuds/liziscribbles
Summary: We're just a mess of moments, that's adding up to where we are...and you're the frame and focus that's making sense of it so far.Ren and Yusuke are childhood friends who, for most of their lives, have only had each other.  Studying together under the tyrannical artist, Ichiryusai Madarame, sometimes the only comfort they can find is with each other.  Growing up so close, it's only natural they would fall in love, right?





	1. We Can Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _we're living in a broken shelter,_  
>  _staring at an empty mirror._  
>  _no one looking back, there's no one looking back._  
> [we can escape](https://open.spotify.com/track/2WVG2W4EDRiVE0MPcyRkKp?si=LnmEuYuxRquLRYSdhTuvPw) ;; acceptance  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uCl12DWWqY) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/acceptance/wecanescape.html) }

At the moment, Hanako Amamiya was almost tricked into believing she was happy.

The setting sun painted the inside of the sitting room in a bright orange glow. It looked like a scene from a homemaking magazine. It was so pleasant outside, and Hanako had opened up every window she could find to allow some fresh air into the miserable, musty old house. The scene before her was beautiful, and for the briefest of moments, Hanako was tempted to rush upstairs and gather Sayuri to see if she wanted to take a photo and paint the scene later on. Just as quickly, Hanako dismissed the possibility. Interrupting Sayuri when she was working was expressly forbidden by Madarame. Even her three-year-old son Yusuke was forbidden in her workspace until eight at night, and it was only seven-thirty.

After cooking Madarame's dinner, Hanako's official duties were done for the night, but her unofficial duties had just begun. Hanako's son, Ren, was the same age as Yusuke and the two boys were already inseparable. Most nights, from the time Madarame finished his dinner to the time Sayuri finished painting for the evening, babysitting duties fell upon Hanako. Truthfully, she didn't mind. In fact, she greatly enjoyed the time she spent watching them play. Both boys were wonderful, and Sayuri was her best friend. There was nothing in the world Hanako wouldn't do for her.

Tonight, Hanako was endlessly amused by the way Ren was drawn to the piano. For two hours now, Ren had mashed unintelligible notes onto the keys. His boundless energy provided a nice tempo to the song with no tune, and Yusuke stood with his hands on the stool beside Ren, bouncing along with the nonsensical songs.

It was easily the most beautiful thing Hanako had ever seen and simply solidified that the boys would grow up to be great friends. If there was ever any doubt in Hanako's mind, it would have been completely washed away by the sight before her eyes. The happiness on Ren's face at that moment reminded her of her long-gone love for music. When Hanako was younger, music had been her escape and her solace; her constant companion from when life became too much to take. She would sit at a piano, pick up a guitar or a violin, or sing a song, and she would look just as happy as her son looked right then.

A happiness which only faded when Hanako met Ren's father. The man was terrible, and Hanako could confidently say that the only good thing that had come from her relationship with Taro Mizuno was her beautiful son.

Hanako shook thoughts of Taro away quickly, before they had a chance to pull her out of her pleasant mood. She looked at Ren and Yusuke, noticing that Ren's smashing on the piano keys was finally beginning to slow down, as was Yusuke's bouncing. Hanako glanced up to look at the clock, and she smiled when she realized it was finally eight o'clock. Yusuke yawned, his tiny mouth open wider than it looked like it could, and he teetered slightly on his feet, but he still didn't give up on his bouncy dance. It managed to pull a laugh up from Hanako's stomach as she leaned down to brush some of Yusuke's blue hair from his face.

"Think it's time to go up and see your mama, Little Boy Blue?" Hanako asked Yusuke.

Yusuke nodded so adamantly that he almost fell over, and clung to the piano chair. "Ren come too!" he declared, poking Ren in the side and then turning his attention back to Hanako. "Please, Hana?"

Laughing, Hanako nodded and crouched down to pick Yusuke up in one arm. "Of course Ren's coming too, silly. Have I ever dared to take one of you somewhere the other couldn't go?" she asked.

As soon as Yusuke wasn't by Ren's side anymore, Hanako noticed that Ren's desire to play the piano had dwindled down to almost nothing. He had turned around and was standing on his knees on the piano stool, reaching his arms up for Hanako to pick him up in the other arm. The boys were truly loath to be separated. In the back of her mind, Hanako thought back to the silly little promise she and Sayuri had made when they'd first met: that their sons would grow up together and fall in love when they were old enough. Hanako laughed again, before leaning down to pick little Ren up in her other arm.

"I have a feeling your mommy will be very interested in hearing about your dancing adventure, Little Boy Blue," Hanako told Yusuke with a smile. "She'll probably even want to paint it when she gets a chance to work on something of her own."

It was always a bit of a challenge, navigating her way up the stairs with two three-year-old boys on her arms, but as ever, Hanako managed. The boys were showing more signs of exhaustion, leaning against her shoulders and closing their eyes. Hanako smiled, pressing a kiss to each of their foreheads and easing the door to Sayuri's room open with her foot.

Once she entered Sayuri's room, however, Hanako was immediately overcome with worry. Sayuri's eyes were puffy, like she'd been crying, and it looked like she'd made almost no progress with the painting Madarame had demanded of her that morning. Hanako deposited both boys in the playpen in Sayuri's room, and watched as they immediately started playing again, like they'd never been tired, to begin with. With that settled, Hanako hurried up to her best friend's side.

"Sayu, what's wrong?" Hanako asked, brushing some dark hair out of Sayuri's face.

Sayuri finally looked up at Hanako, her eyes glossy with unshed tears, and reached out to desperately cling to Hanako's arms. "Hana... Madarame... he said..." she paused, looked at the children, then lowered her voice to a whisper. "He told me he wants to start teaching Yusuke to paint..."

From the corner of Hanako's eye, she noticed how the tiny blue-haired boy turned at the sound of his mother's voice. For now, rather than scare them any further, Hanako left the boys to play together. Ren and Yusuke were usually pretty efficient at keeping one another distracted, and it was really handy for when Sayuri was feeling especially tired. However, at the moment it seemed to be doing very little to distract them. Yusuke could clearly see his mother's distress, and Hanako could tell that he was incredibly worried. If the young boy could understand the context of the conversation, he would understand why his mother was so distressed, though.

Ichiryusai Madarame was not a pleasant man. He was a cruel teacher, who worked his students to the bone and never gave them any sort of recognition for the work they'd put in for him. Sayuri had been in his tutelage for much longer than Hanako had been working as his personal chef, and Hanako had watched as Sayuri's passion for art had slowly dwindled and almost flickered away completely. Sayuri's late husband was a music student, and Madarame had worked quite literally him to the point of illness. Due to that illness, the man had died shortly before his son was born, and Hanako knew that Sayuri was still struggling to recover from the loss, even three years later.

Hanako was glad to be Sayuri's friend, and to be able to support her through her struggle to find her way back to solid ground. However, the longer they were here, the more Hanako realized that neither of their children were truly safe from Madarame's clutches. Suddenly, Hanako thought darkly back to the happiness in Ren's eyes while he played the piano moments ago, and she frowned. How long before Madarame saw Ren playing the piano and tried to teach him in the same way?

"Did you tell him Yusuke was too young?" Hanako asked, turning a horrified eye to the blue-haired boy. Once again, Yusuke turned at the sound of his name.

Sayuri nodded. "Yes," she answered. "He insisted that _he_ was painting at Yusuke's age, and that as his mother, I should be willing to nurture my son's talent, but..."

Woefully, Hanako cast her eyes around the room at all of Sayuri's paintings. They were all brilliant work. However, the pain, the anguish Sayuri went through to _make_ them so amazing was rapidly killing her. Madarame treated his students more like art machines than human beings, and Hanako knew how afraid Sayuri was that he would eventually set his sights on Yusuke.

After glancing briefly at the boys, Hanako frowned. "But Madarame won't nurture him."

"No," Sayuri agreed dismally.

Hanako's eyes trailed to Sayuri's painting. It wasn't the same as some of the old artwork Hanako remembered seeing from her friend. Time under Madarame's tutelage had worn Sayuri down. As time passed, the toll taken by not using her creativity to the fullest grew more and more. Sayuri's most recent work was a lovely abstract. It was truly beautiful. Blue paint, the same shade of Yusuke's hair, adorned the late day sky. The grass was the same green as Sayuri's eyes. A calm wind blew in the image, causing the grass to arc and wave up at the sky. It didn't take a genius to tell Hanako that the painting was a declaration of love for her child. Most of Sayuri's paintings were declarations of love for her child.

Glancing across the room, Hanako watched as the boys played, innocent and oblivious to the danger they were both in. Resolution settled in Hanako's eyes, and she turned to look at her best friend. She leaned in close and whispered:

"Sayu," Hanako rumbled, "We're leaving this place. Tonight."

For a beat, Sayuri looked like she was going to argue. The flash faded quickly, and Sayuri's own will seemed to harden as well. She nodded once, a sage, resolute gesture, and met Hanako's eyes. "Where will we go?" she asked.

As much as Hanako wished she knew the answer, the fact of the matter was that neither of them really had anywhere safe to go. However, even a lack of safety was preferable to giving their sons over to servitude. Madarame already had his eyes set on Yusuke, and as soon as he discovered Ren's love for music, he would inevitably want to extend his reach to Hanako's son. So, though she didn't know where they'd end up, she answered, "I'm not sure, but anywhere is preferable to here."

Sayuri's nod was an agreement if Hanako had ever seen one before.

With their decision made, the women parted to make quick work of packing their bags. The whole time Hanako packed, her mind was desperately pleading, hoping with all her heart that Madarame wouldn't check on Sayuri. As much as Hanako wanted to say she took care when packing, she hadn't. She packed everything she needed to care for Ren, and made sure Sayuri had everything she needed to care for Yusuke as well, but in the end, Hanako knew it won't be long before they realized they forgot something important. It didn't matter. Hanako and Sayuri were intelligent women. They would find a way. For their sons, for their chance to live their own lives and perhaps find happiness again someday, Hanako knew this was for the best.

Now, the only matter left was finding a good time to leave. Ren was fully aware that something was going on, especially after Hanako was forced to get stern with him, and demand for him to be silent. It wasn't the first time he'd seen Hanako so tense, but Hanako knew he wasn't used to it. Ren also wasn't used to being in Hanako's room quite so early. Most nights, Hanako stayed in Sayuri's room and kept her best friend company until both children were sound asleep. They always slept better when they were near one another, anyway.

As though proving Hanako's point, Ren looked at the door and then turned pleading, gray-blue eyes on his mother. "Yoosk! I wanna play with Yoosk!" he demanded.

"I know, baby," Hanako chuckled fondly. "Soon, okay? Soon, you and Yusuke will be able to play as much as you want."

The sound of Yusuke's name from Hanako's lips made Ren's interest pique all the more. "Yoosk!" Ren repeated. "I wanna play pi-nan-o for Yoosk!"

Hanako couldn't help but smile. "You wanna play the piano for Yusuke, do you?" she asked.

Ren bounced on his tiny legs. "Yoosk!" he repeated again.

"You sure do love Yusuke, don't you, Little Lotus?" she asked her son.

Nodding excitedly and bouncing all the more intently, Ren smiled. "Yes! I love Yoosk!" he declared. "And I love the pi-nan-o, too!"

Hanako laughed. In the back of her mind, she was fully aware that Ren's love for music was completely her influence. Soon, when he had a better handle on speaking, he would probably sing. Someday, he would start playing guitar, and maybe even the violin, if he truly took after his mother. Many times, Hanako had imagined Yusuke and Ren, growing up as neighbors once Hanako and Sayuri find their own apartments or houses. They would be ring bearers when Sayuri eventually remarried, or when Hanako finally found a her soulmate. Or even if they never did. The women will still be best friends, and their boys will grow up best friends, too.

In the back of Hanako's mind, she wondered if their soul marks would lead to one another when they appeared. Maybe it was selfish to already have a soulmate picked out for her three-year-old son, but she couldn't help it. If the way they played now was any indication, there was a strong chance they _would_ end up soulmates.

Even more selfishly, Hanako hoped so. Any son of Sayuri Kitagawa was going to grow up to be a wonderful young man.

It was near the time when Madarame did his nightly rounds to ensure his students were either working or resting. Hanako hid all the packed bags in her closet, and Sayuri promised to play the part of the diligent student, just like she always did. Hanako waited, watching as Ren bounced on the balls of his little feet the same way Yusuke had when Ren played his nonsensical music on the piano earlier. She thought back to the moment the boys were introduced, when they were infants. Yusuke was a few months older than Ren, and he'd been fascinated by seeing a baby even smaller than he was. He'd reached out to touch Ren, and Ren had grabbed hold of his tiny hand instinctively.

When Yusuke learned to walk, he would always bring toys to share with Ren. When Ren learned to walk, he didn't walk to Hanako… he walked to Yusuke. A lot could happen between now and when their soul marks appeared. Fifteen years was a long, long time. One thing Hanako was sure of, was that they would always have each other. She'd make sure of it.

Hanako walked over to Ren's crib and picked him up. She leaned him against her middle and started dancing around the room with him to the song on the radio. Ren giggled happily and leaned into her shoulder, clinging tightly to her shirt. Ren was the one good thing to come from her life; one of the few things in life she didn't regret.

"You love music, don't you, baby?" she asked him softly.

Ren nodded, his tiny forehead brushing against her shoulder. "Moo-sic!" he repeated.

Then, in nonsensical gibberish, Ren started singing along with the music on the radio. His words may not have made sense, but Hanako was immediately flabbergasted by the sound of his voice. He'd heard the song many times—it was one of Hanako's favorites, after all—and he seemed to already have a decent grasp of pitch and tune. He rushed the words a little, but for a three-year-old… he was amazing. Hanako smiled and started singing along with him.

 _"I love you, always forever... near and far, closer together,"_ Hanako sang along with her son, though his attempt at words didn't exactly match up. It was enough to make her laugh as she kept singing. _"Everywhere, I will be with you, everything I will do for you..."_

Unfortunately, in her distraction, she hadn't heard the sound of Madarame's footsteps approaching the door. In fact, she didn't notice his presence at all until the door slid open. Quickly, Hanako tried to act like she wasn't singing, as Madarame regarded the scene before him with his greedy, arrogant eyes. She stopped singing, and noticed that Madarame's eyes were trained on Ren now. Ren was still singing, still leaning against Hanako's shoulder, completely unaware of the spotlight he had just put on himself.

"Quite the little musician you have there," Madarame stated flatly, holding none of the affection expected of that kind of statement.

Hanako met his empty approval with a thin-lipped smile. "I'm as surprised as you are, Madarame-san," she answered.

When Madarame's expression shifted from thinly veiled sarcasm to flat-out disapproval, Hanako realized it was too late to cover for Ren's alarming talent. "Are you?" he asked. "I heard him bashing on my piano earlier. You seemed quite pleased with it then."

It felt like all of Hanako's worst fears were coming true. Internally, she was panicking. On the exterior, she tried her best to keep herself calm. It would be over soon. They would be free soon, and Madarame could see no sign of her nerves. It seemed as though Ren sensed her panic. He clung to her shirt a little tighter and buried his face in her shoulder. She rubbed his back gently in a feeble attempt to soothe him, but Hanako knew full well exactly how intimidated her Ren was of Madarame. For good reason, too. Fortunately, his fear bolstered her own courage. Undaunted, Hanako looked Madarame square in the eye.

"Is there a reason for your visit, Madarame-san? You don't usually stop in to say goodnight to me," she stated plainly.

Madarame hummed to himself for a moment, folding his hands under his oversized sleeves. "I heard your son singing from the hallway," he explained. "He is young, but he has quite a bit of promise."

Hanako answered, "Thank you," in a terse voice.

Without bothering to acknowledge Hanako's words, Madarame continued. "Sayuri has just agreed to let me teach her son to paint," he explained, glancing over his shoulder toward Sayuri's room. "I'm assuming you would consent to me finding a music tutor for your child as well."

"You haven't had a music student here in awhile, have you, Madarame-san?" Hanako asked, in a desperate and frail attempt to keep him away from Ren.

Madarame shook his head no. "Not since Daichi Kitagawa, anyway," he spoke, his tone holding a surprising bit of disdain when he spoke of Sayuri's late husband. "It's a pity I didn't have more time with him. I could have made him a success. Your boy could follow the path he was unable, though. He has the potential to be talented enough, with the right grooming."

"I think he's already talented," Hanako fired back before she even realized what she was saying.

Unfortunately, it seemed to be playing right into Madarame's hands. He smiled, a sickening, oily smile, which was almost enough to make Hanako's blood run cold. "Good. You'll consider my offer, then," he mused. It wasn't a question, but a statement, which didn't leave Hanako much room to argue.

Hanako gritted her teeth, but tried to play it off as a smile. It wouldn't matter. As soon as Madarame fell asleep tonight, Hanako, Sayuri, and the boys would all run away and could live in peace, far away from this monstrous and greedy old man. The boys would be free to pursue their art if they chose to, and if they chose to be something else, they could do so. Nothing in the world would get in their way, not if Hanako and Sayuri had their way. It was that assurance to herself which allowed Hanako's smile to become more genuine. She stood taller, trying to project confidence and calm Ren just slightly.

"Of course I will, Madarame-san," she answered.

Madarame's smile faded as he glanced from Hanako to Ren, and then back to Hanako. "Such a grand offer, a woman such as you would have to be foolish to turn it down."

The hand not wrapped around Ren's body clenched into a fist behind her back. "I'll think about it, for sure!" she told him, keeping her tone cordial.

Thankfully, Ren provided her with the perfect way to rid herself of Madarame's presence by yawning and turning closer to her shoulder. She turned toward him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head in an attempt to urge him to relax, then turned back to Madarame. "You'll have to excuse me, Madarame-san. It looks like Ren's pretty tired, so I should probably put him to bed. I'm sure you have no desire to hear a grumpy toddler all day tomorrow," she commented cordially.

"Yes," Madarame answered sharply. "Do keep him away from the piano until he improves, please. It is very old, and is worth more than you can afford to repay. I would hate to have to punish him for breaking it."

Without another word, Madarame turned on his heel and departed, slamming the door behind him and startling Ren. Hanako frowned as she hurried to Ren's crib. Only an hour or two, now, and then... they would be free. They would be free, and safe, and their boys would have a chance to live happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title song is [Frame and Focus](https://open.spotify.com/track/64YhhVVADTVa5lIA7TZlBU?si=TeRNGIcpQbCWTFQNrllHVw) by Lights (YouTube link [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csXNY6qSyN4))! ♥
> 
> HI. BET YOU DIDN'T WANT ANOTHER LIZI FIC ON YOUR AO3 PAGE. Sorry about that, friends.
> 
> This idea honestly came to me so randomly, and took over my brain so strongly, that I stood absolutely no chance. I spent so long trying to fight the urge to write it, and when I finished writing the five chapters of Flux, I couldn't stop my brain anymore. Ask Nada. I probably drove her insane with how many times I whined about wanting to write this, but I owe her so much for keeping me on track, lmfao.
> 
> I'm really excited for what's on the way with this. It's gonna be a pretty epic story, with lots of ups and downs and dramatic twists! XD
> 
> Thanks, as mentioned, to [NadaCreations](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for being an amazing beta and helping me plot this out. She's a big part of why this fic is even happening, and I owe her bigtime!


	2. I'll Keep You Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _don’t be, don’t be afraid._  
>  _our mistakes they were bound to be made,_  
>  _but i promise you i’ll keep you safe..._  
> [i'll keep you safe](https://open.spotify.com/track/2XiqsYPmKLqjOigE3HmfXb?si=nTeV4HkkSlCJyyoERP5R_g) ;; sleeping at last  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHXa85SOWtk) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sleepingatlast/illkeepyousafe.html) }

_5 + 2 =_

As Ren stared at the math problem on the page, he sighed quietly. He set his pencil down on the table, picked his fingers up, and looked them over. The five fingers on one hand, plus two on the other... _One, two, three, four, five..._ he counted in his head, then moved on to the next hand, _six, seven._ With that decided, he picked his pencil back up and quickly wrote a messy '7' at the end of the math problem.

Ren was _so bored_. Math was dumb and he hated it. Sometimes he needed to count when he played piano, but other than that it felt like math had no purpose but to make him bored and miserable. He lifted his head, looking across the table at Yusuke, who was a lot further on his math worksheet than Ren was. Yusuke was always better at focusing when he needed to. He got his worksheets done so much faster and even though he always finished way before Ren did, he'd always wait at the table with Ren until he was done, too. It was the last part of the day they ever got to spend together, after all.

The very instant they finished their math, then their spelling and their reading... Madarame would force them back up to their rooms to get back to work.

It wasn't that Ren didn't love playing his piano, but sometimes... he wanted to play outside with Yusuke, or even play inside with Yusuke and some of their toys. Some days, he would take extra time to do his assignments, just so he got to spend a little more time outside of his room. He couldn't take _too_ long, though, because Madarame would get just as mad.

Ren looked across the table at Yusuke. For some reason, Yusuke always seemed so much more willing to follow Madarame's rules. Ren thought back to when they were _really_ little, when their moms would let them play. Ren's memory of his mom's face faded more and more every day. He thought _maybe_ he looked like her, but maybe he was wrong. In the very corner of his mind, he remembered her having the same hair as he did, and the same eyes, but... it was getting harder and harder to remember. He remembered her voice a lot clearer, though. He remembered the way she would sing songs to him and dance with him around the bedroom, and the way she always let him play Madarame's piano, even if Madarame didn't like it.

It had been a long time since he'd seen her. Almost forever. He really missed her.

"Are you okay, Ren?" Yusuke called from across the table.

Ren lifted his head from his math worksheet. Yusuke looked tired, too. He didn't look as bored as Ren did, but he looked like he wanted to stop doing math. "Yeah," Ren answered sadly. "Just... thinkin' about stuff."

Silence blanketed the room, until Yusuke finally broke it. "What kind of stuff?" he asked.

"My mommy," Ren admitted, his tone quiet. "I miss her."

The silence was still heavy, but somehow Ren's mention of his mother made it even heavier. Ren knew that Yusuke thought about his mom a lot, too. As hard as it was for Ren to remember his own mom, it was even harder for him to remember Yusuke's. She was always stuck working in her room, just like Yusuke and Ren were now. It made Ren a little bit sadder. If it was hard for Ren to remember Yusuke's mom, it had to be hard for Yusuke to remember her, too.

If the look on Yusuke's face was any hint, Ren was right. "I miss mine, too," Yusuke answered. "They've been gone for a long time."

Time didn't mean a whole lot to six-year-olds like Ren and Yusuke, but Ren was pretty sure he'd been three the last time he saw his mom. Yusuke had already turned four, but Ren remembered his mom telling him that his birthday was on the way, right before the last time he saw her. In the back of his mind, he remembered that she looked sadder than she usually was. Ren remembered being scared, but he didn't remember a lot more than that.

"I asked Sensei about her the other day," Yusuke told Ren, lifting his eyes but not his head. "He got mad at me."

Ren nodded. "Me too," he agreed. "I asked if she'd be coming to see me on my birthday this time, since she missed it last time and the time before that, but he said..."

Madarame had always gotten mad when Ren and Yusuke asked about their moms. Maybe they weren't _supposed_ to ask, but whenever they went out to town to go shopping for clothes or food with Madarame, they always saw kids their age with their moms or dads or sometimes aunts and uncles. Ren thought it was weirder that they _didn't_ know where their moms were anymore. So, a few days ago, he'd gotten curious and finally decided to ask Madarame about it. When he asked, he almost wished he hadn't.

"He told me she was d-dead," Ren choked out.

Across the table, Ren heard Yusuke sniffle, and when he looked, he spotted the first hint of tears, as they began to trickle down Yusuke's cheeks. Ren frowned, feeling tears itching behind his eyes too, but he stood up and hurried around the table. He hugged Yusuke tight, hoping he could make Yusuke feel as safe as Ren's mom always made Ren feel when he was sad.

Yusuke hugged Ren back. "I miss her," Yusuke whimpered.

"Me too," Ren replied, his voice cracking as he tried to hold back his own tears.

In a soft voice, heavy with tears as he cried against Ren's shoulder, Yusuke confessed, "I can't remember her voice. I remember what she looks like, but I can't... I miss her a lot."

Ren felt the opposite. Maybe that was weird, that Yusuke could remember what his mom looked like, but Ren could remember what his sounded like. Or maybe it wasn't weird. Ren was good at music and Yusuke was good at art. Maybe that was why they remembered different things about their moms. It didn't matter. What did matter was that Yusuke was sad and Ren wanted to make it better.

"I-it's okay," Ren tried to reassure his friend, and even though he tried really hard, Ren couldn't help but cry too. "We both miss them but... but I'm still here for you. I know I'm not the same as your mommy and I know I'm younger than you, but you're my friend and I'm gonna protect you, okay? I'm always gonna protect you, Yusuke."

Yusuke nodded against his shoulder. "I'll always protect you, too," he promised.

After they cried together for a few more seconds, they finally let go of each other and Yusuke wiped his eyes with his palm. He glanced down at the table, and then at the clock, and bit his lip. "You're not done your math," he told Ren.

Ren's eyes turned toward the clock on the wall. It was almost time for Madarame to come and check on them, and he was only halfway done with his math. Ren tried not to acknowledge the panic rising up in his chest. Madarame always got mad when they didn't get their assignments done fast enough. Maybe if he worked really fast, he could finish in time. Ren hurried around the table and picked his pencil up, getting ready to get back to work.

Before he could start, Yusuke slid his paper across the table. "Here."

"Huh?" 

Yusuke pushed the paper right in front of Ren. "Copy mine. If Sensei asks why all the answers are the same, we'll just tell him we helped each other."

Ren wasn't sure if he was _allowed_ to do this or not, but he knew that they'd promised to protect each other, and maybe Yusuke was trying to do that. With a quick nod, Ren copied the answers from Yusuke's assignment, onto his own. "Thanks," he mumbled between answers.

§§§§§§

The older Ren got, the more he started to realize that Madarame didn't really care about their birthdays. Half of the time, their birthdays passed without acknowledgment. Some years, Ren wondered if Madarame even remembered when _Ren's_ birthday was. Yusuke's birthday was ignored most of the time as well, though Madarame tended to pay it a _little_ more mind. The acknowledgment never went far. It was only a passing comment about how Yusuke was another year older and another year closer to reaching his full potential as an artist. Neither of them ever got gifts, though.

It was January 28th, and Yusuke had turned eleven-years-old today, but the only attention Madarame had given him was a new book on how to make shadows on pictures with paint, or something like that. Ren knew Yusuke was good at painting. He was really good at it, actually. He didn't need some dumb book to tell him how to do things he already knew.

Ren didn't think he knew what a normal birthday as supposed to be like, but being given a book and then being ignored for the rest of the day didn't seem quite right. Especially not for someone as cool as Yusuke was.

So, while he practiced his violin, Ren secretly tried to think of his own way to make Yusuke's birthday better. The truth was, his options inside were pretty limited. They'd lived in this house for most of their lives, and they didn't get to go out and do stuff much. They weren't even allowed to go to normal school yet. The only time they got to spend outside was when they went shopping or to meet with people at fancy dinners when Madarame introduced them to people like they were pets. Like they _belonged_ to Madarame and he needed to show them off to feel important.

It wasn't like Ren knew a lot about Tokyo, but every time they went out, he took the time to memorize the neighborhood they lived in a little bit. He knew they were close to a little stream, and a park with a playground. He'd seen the jungle gym a few times from the window of Madarame's limousine. It was a few blocks away, but it was close enough that Ren would be able to find it easy, probably.

Maybe a trip to a park and a playground wasn't a real present. Maybe it was a bad idea. It was cold out, after all. It was something just for Yusuke, though. Yusuke deserved to have his birthday acknowledged, even if it was just by Ren. 

Ren had to hope his friend would appreciate it. As he finished his piano piece for the day, Ren turned to look at the clock. It was _almost_ time to stop for the night. When Madarame went to bed, maybe they could sneak through Ren's bedroom window. It was on the third floor, but there was a weird little criss-crossed line of fence stuff leading from the base of his window to the ground. It would be easy to climb down and then back up. All he had to do was wait for Madarame to go to sleep, sneak down the hall to Yusuke's room, and tell him to put his shoes on.

While he waited for Madarame to finally fall asleep, Ren passed the time by practicing his scales, then singing the pieces Madarame and his vocal coach always told him to practice. They were boring, and Ren hated them, but they kept him out of trouble.

Sure enough, at just past eight o'clock, he heard Madarame shuffling around in the hall. He always checked on Yusuke first, which Ren figured was because Yusuke was an artist and Madarame taught him personally. Plus, Ren's room was a little bit further down the hall. Madarame's room was between them, and Ren made sure to remember that as he made his internal plan to sneak over to Yusuke's room in a little bit.

Five minutes passed before he finally heard those shuffling footsteps approaching his room. Without knocking, as usual, Madarame slid the door to his room open.

"Amamiya," Madarame barked in lieu of a greeting.

Ren stopped singing and bowed his head in greeting. "Good evening, Sensei," he greeted.

Without acknowledging the bow, Madarame stepped into Ren's room and looked from the piano to the violin, to Ren's harp. "I have yet to hear you practice your harp today. Your music teacher informed me that you've been struggling with your harp, so one would think you would want to practice that more, no?"

Frowning, Ren nodded. "Yes, Madarame-sensei. I'm just... Saito-sensei wanted me to work on the song she assigned me for the piano tonight, and then practice my vocal scales so I could—"

"Am I hearing excuses, Amamiya?" Madarame asked.

Ren shook his head. "No, Madarame-sensei. I apologize," he replied as he bowed his head.

Madarame huffed. "Sometimes, I worry you forget how fortunate you are to be here, Amamiya. Your mother was not one of my students like Yusuke's parents were. I took you in because I saw the potential in you. I do not tolerate failure. Should you fail to improve on the harp, I feel reprimand will be in order," he snapped.

"I'm sorry, Madarame-sensei," Ren repeated.

The apology was met with an aggravated grunt. "Tomorrow, regardless of what your music teacher says, I want to hear you playing your harp when you finish your studies. Tonight, you are to play no more. I need a full night's sleep tonight, if I am to get you and Yusuke into Kunikazu Okumura's youth talent showcase next month," he insisted.

A question about the talent showcase was right on the tip of Ren's tongue, but he didn't dare ask. Madarame never answered him when he _did_ ask, anyway. Besides, every time they did talent showcases, it was always the same thing. They either won, and Madarame was happy, or they lost, and Madarame didn't let them forget about it for a long time. Ren frowned when he thought of the last time Yusuke placed below first. Madarame had forced him into his room to work for almost a week straight, only allowing him to break for long enough to eat two small meals a day. By the time he finished, he was so exhausted that all he'd wanted to do was sleep. Ren had made sure to care for him as much as possible while he'd recovered.

Instead of filling his head with those worries, for now, Ren opted to rush the conversation to its end. "Yes, Sensei," he agreed.

"Go to sleep, Amamiya. I have a new tutor coming for you tomorrow."

Ren arched an eyebrow. He already had his normal tutor, plus his various music tutors. What else did Madarame want him to learn? "What kind of tutor, Sensei?" he asked.

Madarame huffed. "Cooking. Your mother was my personal chef, and I think it's about time you started training to fill the void she left when she died, don't you?" he asked.

The mention of Ren's mother made his defenses rise, and he tensed instantly. After all this time, Madarame still spoke of Ren's mother with such anger that it made Ren wonder exactly what had happened to make him hate her so much. She was his personal chef, and she had lived here for the first three years of Ren's life, Ren knew that much. Why did Madarame hate her? Why did Madarame take his hatred for Ren's mother out on Ren? Unfortunately, Ren knew he would never get answers for his questions. Madarame looked at Ren as more of a nuisance than a student.

Sometimes, Ren wondered why Madarame didn't just throw him out. He was grateful for it, of course, because if he _did_ get thrown out, he wouldn't be able to protect Yusuke anymore, but it was hard not to wonder all the same.

Being a personal chef wouldn't be so bad. Maybe that meant he could cook for himself, and for Yusuke, too. Making sure Yusuke ate more than the small scraps Madarame let him eat would make Ren feel a lot better, actually. "Yes Sensei," Ren finally answered. "Thank you."

A cruel smile crossed Madarame's face as he turned toward Ren's door. "You are so much better at gratitude than your mother was," he murmured under his breath, before departing from Ren's room without so much as a good night.

Ren stood in place for a few seconds after Madarame left, the thought of his mother making him all the sadder. Ren couldn't remember a single thing about his mother anymore. Over the years, he tried to ask Madarame about her. He was curious about who she was, what she looked like... all he could remember about her was her name, now. Madarame wouldn't answer any of Ren or Yusuke's questions about their parents. He was adamant about the fact that they didn't need to know. As far as Ren knew, there was no record of them anywhere. He'd never seen any pictures or anything to signify that they'd ever lived here. Curiosity was okay, wasn't it?

"Then again," Ren murmured to himself as he tidied his room from his practice, "Madarame doesn't really care about _us_ , just our talent."

Quickly, Ren shook the thought away and glanced at the clock. Yusuke was probably still awake. After Madarame did his nightly rounds, Yusuke liked to take the extra time to work on his own art. Ren sighed, stepping out into the hallway and toward Madarame's room. The light was off and the door was closed, but it was still too soon to head to Yusuke's room. The floorboards were old and creaky, so sneaking past Madarame's door was risky even once he'd fallen asleep. With a frown, he ducked back into his room. It wouldn't be much longer. Even if it was only for a couple of hours, Yusuke deserved a little time away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for what happened to Hana and Sayuri? Well... you'll have to wait and find out later! ;)
> 
> The next chapter or two are going to be sorta like this! Snapshots of the boys growing up together and growing closer and closer! I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Thanks, as always, to [NadaCreations](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for being a great beta and friend. If you haven't already, you should go and give her fic, [Bloodbound](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18137045/chapters/43210859), a read! It's amazing. Such quality work!


	3. Friend Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _many times i've gone without a home,_  
>  _a meal, a pair of shoes._  
>  _if you had three you'd give me two..._  
>  _there ain't no other friend like you..._  
> [friend like you](https://open.spotify.com/track/5kSDfpsLOX5vbKp9rwkrnt?si=rznjwlo0TqijyE9d_kkX3g) ;; joshua radin  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vam-3T4292o) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/joshuaradin/friendlikeyou.html) }

Yusuke stood in the corner of his room and sorted through his different paints, trying to find the right one to paint what he was feeling at the moment. His eleventh birthday had been no different from the other ten, though Yusuke didn't really expect them to change anymore. Madarame's gift wasn't a gift at all. It was a book, telling Yusuke how to paint things he'd learned to paint ages ago. According to Madarame, the way _Yusuke_ shaded paintings was never right.

According to Madarame, _nothing_ Yusuke did was ever right.

No matter how hard he worked, no matter how good his paintings were, they were never good enough for Madarame. Madarame always thought there was something missing. Even the prize-winning paintings, the ones that earned Yusuke medals and trophies, were never good enough for Madarame. He always wanted Yusuke to be better. Every time the demands increased, Yusuke _tried_ to improve to meet them. He always tried. Not because he particularly cared if Madarame was proud of him, but because he hoped that somehow, if he made Madarame proud, he could convince Madarame to go easier on Ren.

Yusuke forced himself to stop thinking about Madarame's treatment of Ren and gathered his acrylic paints. He wasn't sure what he planned to paint, but he _was_ sure he would find what he needed with his acrylics.

"Yusuke?"

The sound of that familiar voice, whispering through his door, caught his attention. What in the world was Ren doing? Most of the time, when he managed to sneak over to Yusuke's room, it was in the middle of the day when Madarame was too busy on the phone to pay them any mind, or when he was out shopping. It was the middle of the night. They were both supposed to be asleep.

Even so, Yusuke couldn't stop himself from setting his paints down and rushing toward the door. "Ren? What are you doing?" he asked. "If Madarame hears you—"

"Grab your jacket," Ren told him in an urgent whisper. "And your boots. Come with me."

Though he was curious, Yusuke instantly did as he was told. He gathered his winter coat from the hanger in his room and his boots from beside the door, then rushed down the hall with Ren. It was only as they slipped into Ren's room when Yusuke realized that Ren already had his own coat and boots on. He gathered an extra hat and scarf from his closet and handed them to Yusuke.

With a smile, Ren said, "Put these on. It's really cold out."

"Where are we going?" Yusuke finally asked.

The smile on Ren's face only grew wider. "Somewhere for your birthday, duh," he answered as he hurried over to his bedroom window and opened it. "We gotta climb down, though. Let me go down first so I can catch you if you fall."

Yusuke pouted. "I won't fall," he insisted.

Ren was determined, though. He swung his leg over his windowsill and started carefully climbing down the lattice. Yusuke watched him closely. Even though Ren was so much better at stuff like this than Yusuke was, that didn't mean Yusuke wasn't worried about him falling. Luckily, the bushes outside of Madarame's house would soften his landing, but Yusuke still didn't want him to fall. When Ren touched the ground, he turned around and looked up, beckoning for Yusuke to follow him. Before Yusuke started over the windowsill, he took a glance over his shoulder to make sure Madarame wasn't coming.

Only after determining the coast was clear did Yusuke swing his leg over the windowsill and start his slow climb down the lattice. His feet barely fit in the holes, and he felt a little weird leaving the window open like that. What if it got too cold and Madarame realized they were gone? They'd be in huge trouble. Yusuke didn't stop, though. He climbed down and down, taking each step carefully, and felt more comfortable the closer he got to the ground. Maybe a little too comfortable. Yusuke was a little ways from the ground. The distance was shorter than his body. He probably could have jumped from there, but he wanted to get a little bit closer before taking the last plunge.

Yusuke lowered his foot to the next available hole in the lattice, but all at once, his balance betrayed him. Though Yusuke managed not to shout, he did let out a sharp gasp against his will, while he tumbled the short distance to the ground.

Or, at least, it _should_ have been the ground. Just like always, Ren was there, and just like always, Ren was ready. He reached out, catching Yusuke before he fell to the ground, causing both of them to tumble to the cold asphalt together. Ren landed with a heavy grunt, but just as quickly, he scurried to his feet to help Yusuke up.

"Are you okay?" Ren asked as he took Yusuke's gloved hand.

Yusuke frowned. "Yeah," he answered, letting Ren pull him up from the ground. "Thanks."

When Ren smiled, Yusuke's frustration with himself immediately became less important. Something about his best friend's smile could always make him feel better when he was sad. Without letting go of Yusuke's hand, Ren started dashing down the street. A few cars passed, and Yusuke tugged on Ren's hand, leading him into the shadows. Being seen was definitely something to worry about. Yusuke and Ren didn't go outside much. Madarame didn't let them. They didn't know who in the neighborhood was friends with Madarame, or if Madarame even _had_ any friends, but the last thing either of them wanted was to get in trouble for this.

Once they were out of view, Yusuke looked at Ren. "Where are we going?" he asked again.

"It's not far," Ren promised him, before tugging on Yusuke's hand. "It's a surprise! I promise it'll be fun, okay?"

Yusuke nodded, and eagerly followed behind Ren down the unfamiliar streets of their neighborhood. It was really weird. Yusuke had lived in this part of town for his whole life, but he hadn't really seen much of it. Madarame didn't let them walk around the neighborhood, and the only time they even really went _outside_ was on the way to Madarame's limo or to the train station. It made Yusuke wonder how Ren had found the place they were going, but Ren was always full of surprises. It was one of the things Yusuke liked most about him. Even with lives like theirs, Ren always managed to make it fun and interesting. It was part of why Yusuke would've followed his best friend anywhere.

They ducked under a fence and Ren turned to him with a big smile on his face. "We're here!" he spoke, his voice finally at full volume.

Here? Yusuke turned to look around, and blinked when he realized exactly where they were. A playground. There was a slide all the way on the other side of the grassy area, a huge jungle gym with twisting tunnels, and closest to them, a swing set stood with two dangling swings. Yusuke's eyes widened with excitement, and he whipped his head around to look at Ren. "Here?"

"Yeah!" Ren answered. "I was tryin' to think of somethin' fun we could do in the house for your birthday, but I realized that there was nothin' fun in the house."

Yusuke laughed bitterly. "No, there isn't."

Ren nodded. "So, then I thought about places I've seen when we were riding around town with Madarame," he explained, "and I thought of here. I know it's dark, and we can't stay long or anything, but I thought we could play here for a little while."

The sad smile on Yusuke's face became a little more genuine. Gifts didn't always have to be something he could hold in his hands. Just having someone acknowledge his birthday and bring him somewhere fun... it was more than he ever could have expected. Leave it to Ren to know exactly what he needed to lift his spirits.

Yusuke closed the small space between them and wrapped his arms around Ren's neck. "Thank you," he murmured.

As Ren hugged him back, Yusuke's doubt melted away. After a few seconds, Ren stepped back and beckoned for Yusuke to follow him. "Where do you wanna go first, Yusuke?" he asked.

§§§§§§

After spending almost an hour on the jungle gym, where Ren and Yusuke imagined a story of the two of them climbing a mountain to its peak, they decided to relax on the swings for a little while before returning to Madarame's house. While Ren excitedly swung as high as he could possibly go, Yusuke sat calmly, swinging lazily back and forth and staring at the ground. As nice as this had been, the thought that they would have to go right back to Madarame's house when it was over, and go back to life the way it was before, made Yusuke feel sad.

It wasn't fair. Yusuke wanted to play with Ren like this all the time. They were always working. If they weren't working on assignments for their tutor, they were working on art or music. They barely had time to spend together anymore, and Yusuke was afraid it would get even worse as they got older. He looked over at Ren, who was slowing down and scraping his feet to come to a complete stop. Concern washed over Ren's face, and suddenly Yusuke was overcome with guilt for ruining his friend's fun. It was hard to keep from worrying, though. How long before they couldn't play together like this?

"Yusuke, what's wrong?" Ren asked, coming to a stop and devoting his full attention to Yusuke.

Yusuke frowned and shrugged. "I'm just thinking."

Ren was swinging in a much smaller arch now. He looked sidelong at Yusuke and gently kicked at his shin. "What're you thinking about?" he asked.

"We haven't been able to spend much time together lately," Yusuke answered, not turning his head to meet Ren's eye. "I'm just... worried that when we get even _older_ , we'll have _less_ time to spend together and then... then we won't have any time at all." Try as he might, Yusuke was unable to keep tears from springing to his eyes at the thought of not being able to spend time with Ren anymore.

The very second Yusuke finished talking, Ren completely abandoned his swing and crouched on the ground in front of Yusuke. "No chance."

Yusuke frowned. "But Ren, Madarame—"

Ren still shook his head adamantly. "Nope. No chance, Yusuke. I don't care what Madarame does. I don't care if he makes us do our tutoring assignments separately or makes us work longer on music and art. If I gotta sneak out of the house with you every night and come here just to get to spend time with you? I'm gonna do it every night. I... I mean, if you want to..." he added in a nervous whisper.

"I do," Yusuke answered, but then paused. "Well, I don't want to have to sneak around or anything... but if I have to so we can still spend time together, then I'll do it every night, too."

A big smile spread across Ren's face, and Yusuke recognized the glint in his eye as an idea forming. Ren shrugged and stood up, stuffing his hands into his pants pockets. "Why don't we do it anyway, then?"

Yusuke raised an eyebrow. "Do what?" he asked.

"Come out here. Every night," Ren suggested. "Maybe not when it's raining or snowing, because we don't want to make it super easy for Madarame to catch us or anything, but... on nice days? We should come out here and spend some time together. We can play on the swings or watch the stars or... just do whatever we wanna do for a little while."

Part of Yusuke—the part of Yusuke which feared Madarame and what he would do if they were caught—wanted to say no. The rest of him was completely taken in by the idea of having some time for he and Ren to just... be themselves for a little while. Taking some time out of their day to just be together sounded like a completely fair trade. Especially with everything they did for Madarame every day. Yusuke was pretty sure Madarame wouldn't agree, but he didn't agree with anything that didn't end with Ren and Yusuke working on their music or art. Yusuke looked down at Ren. His friend was so happy, and Yusuke really didn't want to say no and make him feel sad again.

"As long as we're careful," Yusuke suggested, "I think I would like that very much."

With a chuckle, Ren shrugged. "Even if we do get in trouble, I'll take the blame, don't worry," he reassured Yusuke as he stood up and headed back to his swing.

Ren always did that. No matter what was happening, no matter what he was doing, he always took the time to make sure Yusuke was okay and that Yusuke was free of blame if they ever _did_ get in trouble. Sometimes, Yusuke worried about him. It couldn't be easy, always being on the receiving end of Madarame's anger.

Someday, Yusuke wanted to protect Ren the way Ren always protected him. It wasn't like Yusuke was weak, or like he couldn't handle Madarame being mad. He _could_ handle it. Sure, it was scary sometimes. Madarame was rather mean when he was mad. He said things about Ren and Yusuke's parents, and he had threatened to kick Ren out more than once. Yusuke was never on the receiving end of those threats, though, and it was all because of Ren. It was all because Ren took the blame every time something happened. Someday, Yusuke was afraid Madarame's patience would run out.

"I wish you were more worried about yourself," Yusuke spoke up.

Ren turned to look at him as he started to pick up speed. "I'm fine," he reassured Yusuke, but his smile wasn't as confident as it usually was.

Yusuke sighed, his voice deafening in the quiet playground. "But... Madarame is meaner to you than he is to me, Ren. I'm just scared that he'll hurt you," he admitted quietly.

"Did you know," Ren murmured as he picked up even more speed and swung even higher, "that he hired a new tutor for me tomorrow? He wants me to learn to cook, so I can cook for you guys."

Madarame wanted Ren to learn to cook? Yusuke remembered Madarame mentioning in passing, how Ren's mother was Madarame's personal chef, but did that mean _Ren_ had to do that job, too? Ren already did so much. He was smart, and he worked hard on his music—he was an amazing singer, and so good at the piano and every other instrument he played—so how was it fair for him to have to take on this extra job, too? It wasn't fair. Ren didn't _deserve_ to have to do so much, just because Madarame wanted Yusuke to focus just on his art. If that was what it meant to be Madarame's 'favorite,' Yusuke would have gladly switched places with Ren any day of the week.

Yusuke frowned. "That's not fair," he mumbled.

"No, it's okay," Ren answered with a confident smile. "I don't mind."

It wasn't okay, though. Yusuke shook his head and stood up from the swing, then stomped over to the bench, slumped into it, and pouted. It _wasn't_ okay. Madarame was going to take what little time Ren still had and make him work harder. Now, Ren wouldn't have as much time to spend with Yusuke. It would be more time of the day when Yusuke was alone, more time when he was lonely... more time to worry about whether or not Ren was okay. It _wasn't_ okay, and Yusuke wished there was some way he could stop it from happening. He couldn't, though. There was nothing he could do.

Just like always, the second Yusuke started to show any sign that he was sad, Ren rushed to his side. Ren stopped the swing so quickly that he almost tripped and fell to the ground, then ran with the momentum to get to Yusuke on the bench. He almost tripped again when he tried to stop, but kept himself standing with his hands on the back of the bench and plopped down beside Yusuke.

"I really don't mind," Ren insisted.

Yusuke huffed. "I do," he replied.

Ren quirked his head to the side, and even though he didn't ask the question, Yusuke could hear it. When he did speak up, though, he shrugged and said, "But it's okay. This way I can make your favorite foods sometimes. Like the pork hot pot with udon you like and that sweet and sour ramen you really liked, too. And, and... and next year on your birthday I can make you a cake! And we can come out here and eat it!"

It was hard to stay mad when Ren seemed so excited and happy about being forced to cook. Every time Ren got excited and smiled at him like that, it was almost like Yusuke was pulled out of bad moods along with him. It was through pure determination that Yusuke managed to keep his pout. Pure determination, plus the reminder that even though Ren was excited, it was still less time in the day for them to spend together. The reminder turned his pout into more of a frown, his anger into sadness. In a pathetic voice, Yusuke finally replied to Ren. "I mind because... I already don't see you a lot."

"Oh," Ren replied, the excitement fading from his face in a split second. "Well... no, but... now we have a plan to fix that, right? 'Cause now we can come out here and spend time together every night. You can tell me what you painted, and we can make fun of the dumb way Madarame walks. And maybe _sometimes_ I can hide snacks in the house to bring out here with us, so we can have a picnic or something."

Just as quickly as the excitement had disappeared, it was back all over again. Ren leaned over and nudged Yusuke with his shoulder, almost like he was trying to physically push Yusuke out of his sadness and anger. It was frustrating, but just like always... it was working. Ren shrugged. "Plus, maybe it'll be fun to learn to cook, you know? When we finally grow up and we get to live together, wherever we go? I can teach you to cook too and then we can always have yummy food to eat!"

The last bit of Yusuke's sadness faded with the reminder that, someday, they would be grown up and they wouldn't have to live with Madarame anymore. Someday, it would be just the two of them. Someday, nothing Madarame made them do could keep them apart anymore, and they would be able to spend as _much_ time together as they wanted. Yusuke managed a smile as he turned his head to look at Ren.

"Promise me you'll make the curry you like sometimes, too," Yusuke told Ren. "It can't always just be the food Madarame likes and the food I like. That's not fair."

Ren smiled back. "I promise," he answered.

Yusuke looked up at the sky. The moon was pretty high up. He didn't know what it would look like when midnight came around, but he knew it had to be way past their bedtime. If they wanted to make sure Madarame didn't catch them, they needed to leave. He didn't really _want_ to, but he was scared of what Madarame would do if he noticed them gone.

With a sigh, Yusuke turned to look at Ren, and in a sad voice, he said, "We should go back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys are growing up, slowly but surely! Growing up and still best friends! ♥
> 
> Thanks, as always, to [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for making sure this was even _somewhat_ coherent, since I somehow thought it was a good idea to write it when I wasn't feeling well! LOL!


	4. Disappear Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _would you run after me?_  
>  _i feel i've stood here once before..._  
>  _would you run after me?_  
>  _would you run, or do we disappear here?_  
> [disappear here](https://open.spotify.com/track/1cWD3SRnt48gFWzqTC3pWM?si=_l1T_Wz_TIqkGZDXaRDHlg) ;; bad suns  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqoprsR9Fgo) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/badsuns/disappearhere.html) }

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be mindful of the tags! The warnings start appearing from this chapter forward. ♥

"You need to stop being so reckless, Ren. What if Madarame catches you here?"

Ren wasn't sure what he expected when he snuck into Yusuke's room, but anger wasn't it. It wasn't like Ren was being stupid about it when he came over here! Madarame wasn't even home, and both Ren and Yusuke had both been practicing for _days_ for the stupid Young Teen's Gala, or whatever dumb name Madarame had called it. Yeah, the plan was to leave and go to the park once Madarame went to bed, so it wasn't like it would be a _long_ time before Ren would see Yusuke again, but Ren was tired of practicing. He knew the stupid harp piece forward and backward, and the song he had to play on the piano was so easy it was practically _child's play_. He probably could have played it back when he was ten, and now he was _fourteen_. It was a joke, and he didn't need to practice nearly as much as Madarame wanted him to.

Yusuke was ready, too. He already had five really good paintings ready for the museum part of the gala, which was two more than he even needed. So what did they have to be worried about? They'd earned some fun time, even if that time was just the two of them sitting in Yusuke's room and talking about stuff. Besides, Ren had overheard a phone call earlier and he had some big news to share with Yusuke. When he finally made Yusuke chill enough to realize that everything would be _fine_ , maybe he could share the news and they could finally start having fun.

"It's fine," Ren told Yusuke with a shrug. "Madarame's out shopping for dinner tonight, I think, so we have, like... an hour or so before he gets back and we have to be really careful."

Yusuke didn't seem satisfied with that answer. He didn't look up from his shelf of fancy paints. Instead, he sighed and continued looking down the line. "That doesn't mean he will actually be gone for the hour, Ren. He may not need that much time, or maybe he'll forget his wallet and have to come back," he insisted.

Ren frowned. "Don't you want to hang out?" he asked.

"Of _course_ I do!" Yusuke exclaimed, his voice squeaking a little bit as he whirled around to level Ren with a frustrated glare. He cleared his throat and breathed a calming sigh. "Of course I do. I just... you're always so willing to get in trouble, Ren. Madarame has been more adamant with his anger lately. I don't want... I'm afraid he's going to start coming down harder on you if you keep stepping outside of the lines."

It was really frustrating, how Yusuke always made himself listen so closely to everything Madarame said. Madarame's rules were _stupid_ and _unfair_ , and the older Ren got, the more he hated them. Madarame worked Yusuke until he was too tired to go to the park some nights. Other nights, he pressured Yusuke to work _through_ the night on paintings. Sometimes, Yusuke's art was so good that Madarame started claiming it as his own. Yusuke would work through meals, work until he collapsed at his easel from exhaustion and hunger sometimes, and Madarame would lie and say the paintings were his. Ren was tired of seeing Yusuke broken down like that.

Ren was _also_ tired of worrying about it in silence. "Yeah, well, maybe the lines _need_ to be stepped outside of!" he shouted, his voice doing that stupid and annoying crack thing it had been doing lately. "It's stupid that he makes us work so hard, but he makes you work even harder than me, Yusuke! You're gonna get sick if you don't stop sometimes!"

"It's not your job to worry about me," Yusuke rumbled under his breath. "You should worry about yourself."

Scoffing in annoyance, Ren shook his head. "I'm _fine_ , Yusuke!" he shouted. "Yeah, he works me hard, too, but I've never collapsed at my piano or played my harp or guitar until my body hurt! What if you get sick? Or what if he keeps telling people the stuff you paint is his? Do you think that's right? Or fair? It _isn't_! It's dumb and you shouldn't let him do it anymore!"

For a split second, Ren thought he saw the shine of tears in Yusuke's eyes, and it was enough to make him backpedal. Instead, he watched as Yusuke blinked hard and turned to look away for a second. "Well what do you _expect_ of me, Ren? I can't just... stop doing what he asks of me. He'll grow angrier and angrier and then I won't be able to..." he stopped suddenly, then shook his head and looked at the floor.

Ren tilted his head. "Won't be able to what?" he asked.

"Nothing," Yusuke insisted.

Was Yusuke keeping something from him? That was really weird. All their lives, Yusuke had never kept secrets from him. No matter what was going on, Yusuke always told him and they worked on a way to fix it together. To have Yusuke not tell him something... it hurt more than Ren expected it to. It wasn't like Yusuke _had_ to tell him everything, but it was like an unexpected slap. Or, like someone had reached into his chest and clenched his heart in their fist.

As much as Ren probably should have let Yusuke keep his secret, he couldn't stop himself from asking again. "Won't be able to what?" he repeated.

"Nothing, I said!" Yusuke snapped, his voice a little angrier this time.

Ren felt _himself_ getting mad, too. They always told each other everything. It was just a stupid secret, and he knew he shouldn't get mad, but in the back of his mind, he suddenly found himself worrying that Madarame had convinced Yusuke not to be his friend anymore. It was stupid. Ren knew Yusuke hated Madarame, but... all the time Madarame spent alone with Yusuke made Ren afraid. The fear morphed to sadness, and he looked at the ground. "You've never kept secrets from me before," he muttered.

Silence covered the room, and Ren heard Yusuke sniffling. "I... I know. I'm just... I'm fine, Ren. Don't worry yourself about me." In spite of Yusuke's words, Ren could hear the shakiness in his voice, like he was just barely holding back tears.

"But, Yusuke—"

Yusuke cut him off with a frustrated scoff. "Can't I keep my worries to myself sometimes, too?" he shouted, throwing his arm back behind him in frustration. "You do it all the time! No matter what has you worried, you always try to deal with it on your own. What, you don't think I'm as strong as you?"

It felt like Yusuke was slapping Ren in the face. Ren stared at him, gray eyes wide and his heart hammering fast in his chest. "I never said that!" he shouted in reply.

"Then let me keep mine, too! Go back to your room and work on your music before Madarame comes back and—"

The sound of footsteps on the ground floor caught Ren's ear, and he jumped to attention. It seemed like the sound startled Yusuke, too, who whirled toward it and knocked his wrist into an open bottle of expensive paint, which sat on one of the middle shelves in his room. It tumbled to the floor, impacting with a loud smack against the wood. The lid flew off and sent deep crimson paint onto the floor, the wall, and Yusuke's pants. Ren stiffened instantly. He didn't remember the name of the paint, but he _did_ remember that Madarame said it was the most expensive kind he'd ever bought and Yusuke was supposed to be careful with it.

If Madarame figured out what happened, Yusuke would be in really, _really_ big trouble.

Not if Ren had anything to say about it, though. Ren's body moved without thinking. Instead of getting out of the room like Yusuke asked him to, Ren rushed toward the puddle of paint and stepped in it. Yusuke was too stunned to react at first, but he watched Ren with wide eyes as Ren bent down and splashed some of the paint on his own pants.

"What are you doing?" Yusuke asked in an urgent whisper.

Instead of answering right away, Ren dipped his hands into the wet paint, covering them completely, before turning to look at Yusuke. "Keeping you out of trouble," he answered quietly. "If Madarame asks, I knocked the paint over."

"But Ren..."

Ren didn't let Yusuke finish. He took off in a slippery sprint across Yusuke's room, sliding once and gripping the door frame to keep himself upright. Madarame appeared at the top of the stairs just as Ren exited the room, but his head was still down, looking at some sort of paperwork in his hands. Ren rushed down the hallway, but stayed right outside of his room until Madarame finally lifted his head and caught sight of the scene. Only when he was sure Madarame had seen him did Ren duck into his door and try his best to prepare himself for Madarame's inevitable rage.

Luckily, Ren's footprints in the paint were enough evidence for Madarame to open his door first. When the sliding door smacked open, echoing out through the whole room, Ren winced. He looked up meeting Madarame's gaze despite his fear. No matter what Madarame threw his way, it was better than Yusuke being in trouble.

"Is that a trail of _40,000 yen_ paint on the floor? And on your feet and hands?" Madarame seethed, his voice growing louder and angrier with every word.

Ren had seen Madarame angry many times before. Many of those times, he'd even been angry at Ren. This was different, though. He looked like he was seconds from exploding. Ren swallowed nervously, wiping the paint from his hands onto his pant legs and nodding tersely. "Y-yes, Madarame-sensei," he answered meekly.

The yelling was scary, sure. Somehow, though, the _silence_ was scarier. Madarame stood, blocking Ren's only exit from the room, and although his hands were concealed beneath his sleeves, Ren could see them moving. One of them looked like it was clenching and unclenching, and the other fell down to his side. "My first question: what were you doing in Yusuke's room, to begin with? You are _supposed_ to be practicing for the gala. Was I not clear enough when I told you what your tasks for the day were?" he asked, taking a step toward Ren.

"I... I heard something from his room, so I was just—"

Madarame shook his head. "That would explain you getting to his door, not far enough into his room to knock a paint jar to the floor," he snapped, taking another step forward.

Excuses died on Ren's tongue. What could he say, really? He'd literally been caught red-handed. Besides, anything he could possibly say to clear his _own_ name would only get Yusuke in trouble. He'd concocted the lie, knowing how mad Madarame would be. He'd done it to keep that anger from being aimed at Yusuke. Swallowing back any lingering fear and worry, Ren lifted his head to meet Madarame's eye, trying to sound as confident as possible. "I have no excuse, Madarame-sensei," he answered. "I wanted to see Yusuke. Th-that's all..."

The hand at Madarame's side moved with alarming speed, out of his sleeve, and the backside came in contact with Ren's cheek. "That's enough!" he shouted. "You broke several rules today, _and_ you spilled a jar of paint that is worth more than your _life_ , Amamiya!"

Ren was stunned. Fourteen years of rule breaks and toeing the line, and this was the first time Madarame had ever been angry enough to _hit_ him. The skin on his cheek felt like it was on fire and his cheekbone throbbed in pain, but worry about the pain was the furthest thing from his mind. In the very back corner of Ren's mind, he found himself wondering if this was the straw that broke the camel's back, and he would finally find himself out on the street. Was this the moment when Madarame finally decided to separate him from Yusuke, when he finally decided that Ren's rebellion wasn't worth the risk anymore?

Desperate to earn _some_ sort of favor back from Madarame, Ren spun into panic mode. "I... I'm sorry, Madarame-sensei. I disrespected you, and—"

"Silence!" Madarame seethed, raising his hand again in a silent threat. "I _should_ throw you out on the street. No matter _what_ I do, you always see fit to disobey me and you seem _intent_ to pull a brilliant mind like Yusuke down into the gutter with you. Is it not enough for you to fail on your own? You have to take Yusuke's reputation down with you?"

As much as he tried to ignore them, the words hurt. Ren was definitely afraid of how true they were, especially after the argument he and Yusuke had before the whole thing started. Maybe that was the secret Yusuke was keeping from him, that he thought Ren's constant presence in his life was ruining his potential. Despite his best effort not to let the words get to him, Ren felt the heat of tears prickling the corners of his eyes. What if he _was_ ruining Yusuke's life? What if, all the time he'd spent trying to protect Yusuke, he'd only made Yusuke hate him?

With a chuckle, Madarame raised his chin at Ren. "Good. It seems I've finally made you see the error of your ways."

"Y-yes, Madarame-sensei," Ren croaked.

Snorting a laugh, Madarame turned and glanced over his shoulder. "And I suppose you're finally done wasting Yusuke's time?" he asked.

 _Wasting Yusuke's time._ Ren thought back to the look on Yusuke's face when he'd asked Ren to leave. All the time they'd spent together over the years, their friendship... was it really just a waste of Yusuke's time? Maybe it was. Maybe Yusuke had only gone along with Ren's plans, said all the nice things he always said, because he felt _sorry_ for Ren; because he knew how lucky Ren really was to be here. Maybe Yusuke would be better off without Ren always butting into his life. Ren looked up at Madarame, who was looking at him expectantly, and nodded.

"Yes, Madarame-sensei."

Madarame looked around Ren's room. "Good. Wash up, and go down and cook dinner. Two plates, for Yusuke and I. You will be spending dinner time and the rest of the night cleaning the paint from the floors, are we clear?"

No dinner. Okay, that was fine. Ren had no appetite right now, anyway, and he didn't really think he could find one if he tried. He nodded, blinking back tears and forcing himself to turn and look at Madarame once again. "Y-yes, Madarame-sensei," he answered shakily.

With a derisive puff, Madarame turned on his heel and left Ren's room. The door slammed closed behind him, and only then did Ren allow himself to break. The tears came at a slow trickle, as he looked down at his paint-covered hands and feet. Madarame's slap, Ren's punishment... he could take those just fine. Out of that whole lecture, only one part of it actually hurt him, and it was playing on repeat in his mind now that his room was quiet again.

_And I suppose you're finally done wasting Yusuke's time?_

Once Ren took his shoes off, he headed to the small bathroom across the hall from his bedroom. Now that he was alone again, he couldn't help but think back to his fight with Yusuke. Yusuke had never kept secrets from him before, but maybe after all this time, it finally got to be too much to pretend to be Ren's friend when he really just wanted Ren to leave him alone. Ren looked at his face in the mirror, at the red mark appearing on his cheek. It was big—it spanned the width of his cheek and there was a little bit of red on his jaw, too—and it would probably be a big ugly bruise. Ren's eyes were puffy, and tears still stung the corners, but he tried desperately to keep from crying more.

He managed well, until Madarame's words sprang to his mind again. What if Madarame was right? What if Yusuke thought of their whole friendship as just a waste of time? The thought of Yusuke really seeing him that way made tears spring to his eyes again. Maybe it was better that way, though. Yusuke was so much better than Ren in every way. He was smarter, he was better at painting than Ren was at music, and when he smiled it made Ren feel like the world was just a little less lonely. Well, it used to, anyway. Now, as Ren thought back to it, he wondered how many of those smiles were real and how many of them were just pity smiles.

If they were just pity smiles, were any of the promises they'd made each other so far real? Had Yusuke ever even needed him, to begin with? If Yusuke had never needed Ren, if Madarame thought Ren was such a failure… then why was he even here?

Ren cleaned the paint from his hands, then looked at his reflection in the mirror. He splashed cold water on his eyes and cheeks, then went right back to forcing himself not to cry. Not only had he made Madarame angry, but the one person he had left in the world probably hated him, too. For the first time in Ren's entire life, he felt truly alone.

Quietly and carefully, Ren made his way back across the hallway to change his clothes. He still had to prepare dinner for Madarame and Yusuke, and then he had to clean all the paint.

As Ren crossed the hall to his room, he spotted Yusuke stepping out from his room. For the brief instant Ren saw Yusuke's face, he could tell that Yusuke was looking at him. Ren felt a lump springing to his throat, and he averted his eyes. He couldn't let Yusuke catch sight of his face, or see him cry. The last thing he wanted was more pity, or to waste any more of Yusuke's time. He picked his step up, rushing into his room and closing his door after him, but once the door closed, he only felt sadder. For his whole life, this was the first time he'd _ever_ felt like he didn't want to see Yusuke.

It wasn't even that he didn't _want_ to, either. It was that he didn't want to waste any more of his friend's time. Yusuke deserved success. Maybe it _was_ better this way. Maybe Ren _was_ ruining that chance for him.

Ren made quick work of changing his clothes, then took a glance at himself in his mirror. The mark on his face was already turning an ugly shade of purple. There was no way he'd be able to hide it forever, though. Sooner or later, Yusuke would see it, and then he'd have another reason to pity Ren. With a heavy heart, Ren stepped out of his room and hurried down the stairs to get started on Madarame and Yusuke's dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many questions, so much sadness, and now you guys have to wait until the next chapter for the answers! D:
> 
> This chapter goes out to my good friend and amazing beta [NadaCreations](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations), who pointed out to me that the world is bereft of solid Akiren whump. You're the best, Nada my dear.


	5. Carry You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i'm still carrying a little hope that_  
>  _maybe things could get different now._  
>  _is that so wrong?_  
> [carry you](https://open.spotify.com/track/4Mz73mNFsyrNTxXWPG7B7b?si=CeRTiu18Rzm6eV0PsomjrQ) ;; jimmy eat world  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itTUz8gQGD8) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jimmyeatworld/carryyou.html) }

Yusuke couldn't recall ever feeling quite like this before.

Guilt ravaged its way through his heart and out through his veins, pumping through his body and making him feel utterly terrible. In a split second of action, Ren had shifted the scope of Madarame's ire and protected Yusuke yet again. After all Yusuke had said, and even though Yusuke had kept secrets from Ren, Ren still saw fit to take the blame to protect him.

The walls in the house weren't exactly thin, but it was so quiet that it would have been impossible for Yusuke _not_ to hear parts of Madarame's exchange with Ren. His words, the horrible things Madarame said to Ren, made Yusuke feel ill. How could anyone possibly think that Ren was wasting Yusuke's time? How could anyone possibly think that a stupid jar of paint—lavishly expensive paint which didn't even look as nice as some of the less expensive paints on Yusuke's shelf—was worth more than Ren's life? Yusuke wished he could have been there, to remind Ren how wrong the words were.

Instead, he'd been stuck on the outside, and then forced away by Madarame when he wanted to go and reassure his friend. The way Ren avoided Yusuke's gaze in the hallway was saddening in more ways than Yusuke ever could have imagined. Ren had looked so sad, so heartbroken for that brief moment, and Yusuke felt his heart breaking, too. For fourteen years, they'd been friends, and no matter what happened, Madarame's words never seemed to touch Ren. This time, though... this time, it seemed they'd taken root. The very real chance that Ren might have believed Madarame was the most heartbreaking part of all.

Yusuke ate his dinner mostly in silence, only speaking when Madarame spoke to him. While Madarame droned on, Yusuke thought of Ren, upstairs, cleaning up another one of Yusuke's messes and potentially thinking that Yusuke hated him. Ren, who selflessly put himself in the path of danger time after time to protect Yusuke from harm. Ren, who had been forced to cook for Yusuke and Madarame but not allowed to eat himself. He was probably hungry, and he was probably lonely.

Worst of all, for the moment, there was nothing Yusuke could do to ease Ren's mind and settle his heart. The thought made Yusuke feel ill. So ill, in fact, that his next action was taken without any real forethought.

Before Yusuke had time to stop himself, he lifted his eyes from his half-empty plate and leveled Madarame with a serious gaze. "Madarame-sensei?" he called. "I have a confession. About the paint."

Madarame waved his hand dismissively. "Worry not, Yusuke. I have already punished Amamiya, and I will buy more from the store next time I am in town," he answered. "If you think I fault you for the actions of that worthless—"

"No, that's not it!"

Yusuke's retort was more aggressive than he would have expected it to be, and it was only partially because he was so serious about his insistence to shift Madarame's blame back to where it belonged. It was _also_ because he didn't want to hear the rest of what Madarame had to say. Ren was _not_ worthless, nor was he any other derisive, disrespectful thing that Madarame likely would have ended that sentence with. If he heard Madarame disrespecting Ren even more than he already had, he was liable to burst at the seams and put both of them in danger.

With brows creased in disapproval, Madarame leveled Yusuke with a glare. "Well, what is so important that you saw fit to interrupt me, then?"

"My apologies, Madarame-sensei, I simply... I wanted to be honest with you," Yusuke answered, not backing down in face of the anger. It was his turn to protect Ren, this time. If that meant receiving the same punishment as Ren had, then he would take it. "Ren didn't spill the paint. I did. He was only covering for me so you wouldn't be angry with me."

For a long, nerve-wracking time, Madarame was silent. He sipped at his tea, finished the last of the rice porridge in his bowl, and then finally lifted his eyes to meet with Yusuke's. "I fail to see why you want to protect him, Yusuke. I highly doubt he would do the same for you," he answered, folding his hands beneath his sleeves again.

Yusuke almost wanted to laugh. Not because the situation was funny at all, but because Madarame couldn't have been more wrong if he tried. Instead of laughing, though, Yusuke shook his head. "No, it's the truth," he insisted. "I was clumsy. I was taking the paint from the shelf to work on my painting for the gala, and it fell from my fingers. Ren didn't want you to be angry at me, so he took the blame and—"

Madarame cut Yusuke off with a disapproving grunt. "He was still in your room when I ordered both of you to work on your pieces for the gala until I returned, was he not? And in his attempt to shield you, he tracked paint through the entire hallway upstairs, did he not?" he asked.

"Yes, but—"

Silencing Yusuke with a raised hand and a shake of his head, Madarame hummed thoughtfully. "As for the rest?" he started. "I suppose, after fourteen years, the boy has finally learned his place. He knows you are the _true_ talent between the two of you, and that you need your focus. Much better than his mother, who still saw fit to distract yours from her true potential until the day they both died."

Yusuke wasn't sure why, but the mention of his mother, and of Ren's, made him all the angrier. The way Madarame spoke of them both, the disrespect he used, was infuriating. Yusuke couldn't remember a single thing about his mother, but he remembered the feeling he had when he was with her. That feeling was nothing like the way Madarame was describing her. He didn't know how close his mother was to Ren's, but somehow, deep down in Yusuke's heart, he felt as though they were just as close as Ren and Yusuke were. Yusuke couldn't ever see Ren as a distraction.

Ren was a kind and selfless soul, who shouldered so much on his own and never complained, and made Yusuke's life so much better just by being a part of it. Some days, the time he spent with Ren was the only thing to see him through to the next day. How was it that an artist like Madarame—a man who was supposed to be able to see the beauty in life—was unable to see that?

It seemed as though Madarame sensed Yusuke's thought process, because he shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. "The sooner you realize that the place of a boy like him is to serve _true_ talent, the better. Perhaps my talk with him finally got through. Perhaps he will finally stop bothering you and let you work."

Yusuke had to turn his head and blink slowly to stave off a return comment and an onslaught of tears which were currently threatening to choke him. What if Madarame was right? What if his words made Ren stop talking to Yusuke? What if the last conversation they had, with Yusuke keeping secrets and telling Ren to go away, was _truly_ their last? The thought chilled Yusuke to his very core, and made him realize how desperately he needed to fix this. Somehow, he would find a way. He would talk to Ren after Madarame went to sleep tonight... if Ren would even talk to him.

"Loath though I am to have you do it, I am going to need you to clean this up, Yusuke," Madarame demanded, gesturing to the dinner table. "Amamiya is going to be busy for most of the night, cleaning the paint from the hall and his room. When you finish, go back to work. The gala is only a week away, and you know I refuse to tolerate failure."

With a nod, Yusuke watched as Madarame stood and left the room, walking up the stairs. In the back of Yusuke's mind, he found himself worried about what he may say to Ren on his way past. No matter what it was, Yusuke vowed to do whatever he could to fix it later. In spite of himself, he couldn't help but worry. What if Ren didn't want to forgive him? What if the argument was too much _to_ forgive? Yusuke had asked Ren to go away. It was the first time he'd ever done that. What if Ren was too upset by it, and now he thought that Yusuke preferred Madarame's company? Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Yusuke made quick work of cleaning the kitchen, but before he scraped his own bowl of porridge into the trash, an idea hit him. The pot of porridge still had a little bit left in it. He quickly gathered the last and put it into a small plastic container, then scraped the remainder of his bowl into the container as well. Sealing the plastic container, Yusuke set it in the refrigerator for now, then made quick work of cleaning the rest of the kitchen.

Once everything was clean and put away, Yusuke gathered the plastic container and held it tightly in his hands. He gathered a pair of chopsticks and set them atop the container, too, and then looked up the stairs. Madarame was likely in his room with the door open, but if Yusuke could keep the food out of sight until he got into his room, he could hide it in his futon and bring it to Ren once Madarame fell asleep.

With that thought in mind, he slowly ascended the stairs and made sure the coast was clear. The only one in the hallway was Ren, who was still pointedly avoiding Yusuke's gaze. He focused intently on the red stain on the floor, only lifting his eyes for the briefest moment, before he turned them back downward. In that second, Yusuke could almost swear he saw a dark patch on Ren's cheek, but Ren looked away too quickly for him to know for sure. Maybe it was a bad idea, but Yusuke couldn't stop himself from reaching out to place a comforting hand on Ren's shoulder.

Even with his non-verbal reassurance, Ren didn't look up. It was confirmation enough to Yusuke that Ren had taken Madarame's words to heart, and it took all Yusuke's strength not to stop, but knowing that Madarame's door was open was the only thing that kept him from it. Walking away from Ren when he was so miserable hurt Yusuke more than he could bear. When he closed his bedroom door behind him, he leaned against it and swallowed the thick lump in his throat.

It took him a few seconds to compose himself. Once he did, he stored Ren's dinner beneath his blanket and looked at his floor. Madarame must have made him clean Yusuke's room first. The paint was gone, as were the broken bits of the jar on the floor.

As Yusuke scanned the shelves, he spotted a small, origami fox, folded in white paper in the empty space where the paint jar formerly sat. Yusuke quickly approached the shelves and took the fox down. He knew Ren often did origami when he was bored, and Ren knew that the white fennec fox was Yusuke's favorite animal. There was absolutely no mystery as to how the paper had ended up on his shelf. Yusuke smiled sadly, then briefly glanced over his shoulder out to the hallway. It was very much like Ren to leave something like this as an apology, whether or not he actually needed to apologize for anything.

Upon closer inspection, Yusuke could see the dark colors of a pen press on the underside of the paper. He unfolded the fox slowly, carefully, making sure not to rip the paper as he followed Ren's every move in reverse. When he finally finished, he opened it and held it flat in his hands, and instantly, his heart sank. There, in Ren's familiar handwriting, was a note.

_I'm sorry if I've been wasting your time all these years._

Just reading the words was enough to make Yusuke's heart shatter.

In fact, it made the rest of the evening go by painfully slow. Yusuke found himself intermittently staring at the clock, impatiently waiting for when Madarame finally did his nightly rounds. When Madarame _did_ come around, Yusuke kept the conversation as short as possible. He tried to listen to all of Madarame's demands, but it was hard when his heart was in the conversation even less than it usually was. It was the same as usual, though. Madarame was displeased with Yusuke's progress, and he hoped tomorrow would be a more productive day. That night, however, the whole conversation was littered with jabs at Ren, and it took everything Yusuke had not to fire back.

When the conversation was over, Yusuke waited another torturous hour, until he was sure Madarame was sound asleep, and peered out into the hallway. Madarame's door was closed and no sound came from inside his room. He turned around and hurried back across his room, gathering the leftover rice porridge from beneath his blanket. Then, carefully, he tiptoed down the hall to Ren's room.

"Ren?" Yusuke whispered, pressing his ear to the door. "Are you in there?"

When no answer came, Yusuke's panic rose and his heart sank at the same time. Ren had never decided not to answer the door for him before.

Then again, maybe Ren was angry with him. It was completely reasonable. While a part of him was tempted to let Ren be angry, the rest of him thought back to all the times Ren had been there for him; all the things Ren had done for him. It wouldn't be fair for Yusuke to walk away just because Ren wasn't making it easy. Yusuke leaned close to the door again, pressing his ear against it and whispering, "Ren, if you're not decent, I apologize, but I'm coming in."

As soon as Yusuke opened the door, his heart sank even further. Ren sat on his futon with his legs pulled up to his chest. His temple rested on his knees and his head was turned, staring sadly out his window at the summer night sky. He looked so lonely, so sad, and it made Yusuke's guilt climb even higher. Whether Ren would admit it or not, the pain he was feeling was partially Yusuke's fault. Quietly, Yusuke crossed the floor and crouched down next to Ren's futon.

"I understand if you're angry with me, but... please look at me?"

Ren still didn't turn to look at Yusuke, but Yusuke noticed a posture change. He tensed, and he buried his face in his knees. "You shouldn't be here," he mumbled against his jeans. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

A bitter laugh passed Yusuke's lips, and he shrugged. "When has that ever stopped _you_ before?" he asked.

"You're not me," Ren whispered miserably.

Yusuke placed his hand on Ren's shoulder. "Please..." he begged.

When Ren's shoulders slumped, Yusuke felt guilty all over again. Ren released his knees and lifted his head, flattening his legs to the futon, then finally turned to look at Yusuke head on. Gray-blue eyes shone with tears, but that wasn't the most troubling thing Yusuke saw. Ren's cheek—no, the whole right side of his face, from the top of his cheekbone to the bottom of his jaw—was covered in an angry purple bruise. Yusuke acted without thinking, reaching his hand up and placing his thumb and forefinger on Ren's chin. He tilted Ren's face, bringing the bruise into better lighting, and his eyes grew even wider.

"What happened to you?" Yusuke asked, his voice shaky with anger. Had Madarame done this to him?

Ren shrugged, trying but failing to seem nonchalant. "Madarame got mad. He hit me. Not that hard, though. I'm... I'm okay," he answered, tugging his chin from Yusuke's hands and turning to look away.

"You are not okay," Yusuke rumbled. "He _hit_ you?"

"It's fine."

"It's not!" Yusuke hissed, his voice cracking in its intensity.

Ren swallowed thickly, the confident veneer cracking a little bit more. "I'm... I'm okay," he repeated, his body shaking in a desperate attempt to keep his composure. "D-don't waste your time on me anymore, Yusuke. P-please..."

Oh. In Yusuke's worry about the bruise, he had almost completely forgotten about Madarame's words and the note. With that heartbreaking declaration from Ren, it all came flooding back to him in waves, and threatened to knock him over. Yusuke brushed some of Ren's unruly bangs from his eyes, and was surprised when a warm tingle spread throughout his fingertips when he pulled his hand away. That was strange. Nothing like that had ever happened to him _before_ when he'd touched Ren. Maybe his emotions were getting the better of him. He shook the feeling off and angled his neck to meet Ren's eyes.

"Ren... if you think any time I spend with you is wasted, you're terribly wrong."

Finally, Ren looked at him again, his eyes still shining with unshed tears. There was something else in them too, though; an emotion Yusuke couldn't quite identify. Before he could even try, Ren spoke again. "Madarame said—"

Yusuke nodded. "I know. I could hear him. He's wrong, though. I could never look at time with you as wasted time. It's... the only thing I look forward to every day, Ren." As he spoke, his own voice became thick with emotion. The mere thought of Ren thinking he considered their time together a waste made his heart ache. "Everything _else_ is wasted time... but not ours. _Never_ ours."

It seemed like Ren's emotions chose that moment to finally boil over. His body shook again, but only for a second before he threw his arms around Yusuke's neck and buried his face in Yusuke's shoulder. Having Ren cry against his shoulder was too much for Yusuke to take, and it wasn't long before he was crying too, hugging Ren as tight as he could. They sat together and cried for several minutes before Yusuke became acutely aware that Ren's bruised face was buried in his shoulder with a pressure which had to be painful.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Yusuke asked, his voice cracking a little as he murmured the words against Ren's hair.

"Not as much as it did when I thought you hated me," Ren answered desperately against Yusuke's shoulder.

"Why would you think I hated—" Yusuke stopped sharply when he thought back to their argument from earlier. "I don't hate you, Ren. I could never hate you."

Ren's arms tightened around his middle, and Yusuke felt an unprecedented warmth and comfort flowing out from within his chest. It had to be painful, having his face buried in Yusuke's shoulder the way Ren did, but Ren still didn't complain. He seemed comforted, completely content to lean against Yusuke, and Yusuke would be lying if he tried to say he didn't appreciate the closeness. After all these years, it was finally Yusuke's turn to protect and comfort Ren the way Ren had always protected and comforted him. Even so, he would have been happy _not_ to have to comfort Ren if it meant Ren never had to feel miserable like this.

In a soft voice, Ren mumbled against Yusuke's shoulder again. "I just... we fought. We never fight, so I was afraid that... you were keeping secrets and..."

"Ren," Yusuke murmured guiltily. "I was... I was trying not to overburden you. You deal with so much on your own, and so much of it is to protect me and keep me safe."

Ren frowned. "Yeah, but... I don't _really_ deal with it alone, because you're always there with me. I guess I just... wasn't used to you keeping secrets. Add on the way Madarame said I was wasting your time, and how you've been doing a lot more of what he says lately, and..." he trailed off.

As unfunny as the whole situation was, Yusuke couldn't help but laugh bitterly. "I was only cooperating so strongly with Madarame, with the hope that he would be easier on you," he admitted. "I was quite obviously wrong."

"I'm sorry if you think I'm too reckless sometimes, Yusuke, I just... want to be around you more than we're allowed to. I know we have the park and stuff, but I..."

Yusuke nodded. "I understand," he insisted. "I feel the same way."

When Ren finally lifted his head from Yusuke's shoulder, he met Yusuke's eyes with a dismal smile and reached up to brush Yusuke's hair from his eyes. The contact made a similar warm tingle spread out through his forehead where Ren's fingers touched, and the feeling made his heart beat a little faster. They'd been friends for fourteen years; for Yusuke's whole life. They'd touched each other a million times, and Ren's touch had never made him feel like this. It was strange, but it wasn't an unpleasant sensation, either. It was just odd and unfamiliar, and it felt like his heart was trying to escape the bonds of his rib cage and flutter away. 

"Promise me something?" Ren asked.

Yusuke nodded. "Anything," he told Ren.

The smile on Ren's face became a little more genuine as he sat up straight. "No more secrets? For either of us. You're my best friend, and... I want us to be totally honest with each other from now on. If it's gonna be us against the world for the rest of our lives, then it really _does_ have to be us against the world. Right?" A flicker of hope flashed across his face, and Yusuke found himself wanting to do whatever he had to do to ensure it stayed there.

Ren was _his_ hope, after all. If all he had to do to provide Ren with hope in return was make a simple promise to be completely honest from here on out, it was the easiest task Ren could have asked.

"No more secrets," Yusuke vowed, raising a hand to cross his heart. "From either of us."

At Yusuke's promise, Ren's smile grew, as did the strange flutter in Yusuke's chest. "I promise, whatever happens, I have your back, okay? Nothing Madarame can do could ever scare me away."

Yusuke smiled, placing his hand atop Ren's hand on the futon. "I have yours, too. As terrifying as Madarame can be sometimes, nothing scares me more than the thought of not being your friend," he told Ren.

The pair of them shared a silent smile, and Yusuke's heartfelt fluttery again. Before he had the chance to focus too strongly on that, he heard Ren's stomach rumble in the otherwise silent room. Yusuke frowned, but slid the plastic container of porridge over to Ren. "Here."

"Oh. You... how did you..." Ren stammered, as he quickly gathered the plastic container and tugged the lid off.

Yusuke chuckled fondly and slid Ren the chopsticks. "I hope our no secrets promise doesn't encompass Madarame, too, Ren. Because, if so, we may have to tell him," he joked softly.

Any answer Ren may have had was completely drowned out by him shoveling food into his mouth eagerly. Good. Ren didn't deserve to go hungry for the night for his bravery and constant willingness to throw himself into the path of danger just to protect Yusuke. Yusuke smiled warmly, and turned to glance out the window at the summer sky.

"Hey," Ren called his attention around a mouthful of food. "I never got to tell you the big news I overheard."

Yusuke's brows furrowed. "Big news?" he asked.

Nodding, Ren shrugged. "When I was making lunch, I overheard Madarame on the phone with the principal of Kosei High School, and I think he's gonna enroll us next year. He asked about two admissions, and said real tutoring was getting too expensive. Apparently, the school owes him a favor, so they're gonna let us go there for free or something?" he mused, before shrugging and stuffing another generous dollop of porridge into his mouth.

"School..." Yusuke murmured.

Ren hummed around his food. "Yeah. More time outside of the house, and more time we can spend together during the day, too," he pointed out excitedly.

As Ren finished his food eagerly, Yusuke pondered the news. Going to school was something they'd talked about several times. They'd always wanted to go, but they had always figured it was more or less impossible. Now, they'd be going together. They'd have a chance to meet and talk to kids their age. He watched Ren for a moment longer, and he couldn't help but smile. School with Ren. Maybe fifteen would be the year his life finally turned around. Even if it wasn't, as long as he had Ren with him, he could handle whatever the world threw his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A whole heck of a lot happened in this chapter, but it was all very, very important! At least we know the boys still have each other's backs now! I wonder what Yusuke's weird sensation could be! Hmmm...
> 
> Thanks to my wonderfully amazing friend, beta, and plotting partner, [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for being the best and helping me figure out what to do with this chapter. ♥


	6. Parachute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i'll open up and be your parachute,_  
>  _and i'll never let you down._  
>  _so open up and be my human angel,_  
>  _and we'll only hit the ground running..._  
> [parachute](https://open.spotify.com/track/3XFM2O4SMde5BSzmJqFwTb?si=tgDQuWBHTrOJEAgnEZT1OA) ;; train  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2botW18oJo) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/train/parachute.html) }

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings for this chapter:** Bullying.

A giggle floated back from the front of the classroom and caught Yusuke's ear. "Why do you _think_ he hangs around with Amamiya so much? The only reason to hang out with a loser like that is for, well... you know, _that_ ," she pointed out.

"Right, but aren't they, like... brothers or something?" A second girl joined the first, but her tone was much more disgusted.

"Well, I know they live together but... they don't _look_ like brothers."

"I dunno, but I don't think it matters. If he's gay that probably means he'd do something gross like that, too, doesn't it?"

The first girl rolled her eyes and stage-whispered at her friend. "It's gonna _suck_ for them when their soul marks tell them they're not meant to be, isn't it?" she asked, her eyes directly on Yusuke as she spoke.

Yusuke ducked his head in a feeble attempt to avoid the penetrating stares the pair of girls at the front of his class were giving him. Somehow, he'd allowed himself to think that his second year would be better than his first when it came to insipid rumors like this. Truth be told, the rumors themselves didn't really bother him. It was the way the girls _stared_ at him when they talked. They looked at him like he had some kind of deformity, like there was a second head growing from his shoulders or like he'd said or done something to truly offend them just by existing.

Well, perhaps that wasn't entirely true. One part of the rumors bothered him. It wasn't the assumption that he was interested in men, nor was it the assumption that he was intimate with Ren. The only part of the childish rumors to bother him was the part which insinuated his relationship with Ren to be familial. Ren wasn't his brother. Yes, they were very close and yes, at times Yusuke felt like Ren was the only person he could rely on, but they weren't brothers. If they were brothers, that would make the fluttering Yusuke felt in his chest every time Ren smiled at him... wrong.

Without sparing them another glance, Yusuke stood from his seat and shouldered his schoolbag, preparing to meet with Ren so they could walk to the train station together.

Some days, the rumors were worse than others. The ones about Ren and Yusuke's sexual preference, Yusuke could handle just fine. The only ones to truly get to him were the ones about his mother. People didn't know anything about Yusuke because they'd never really taken the time to ask. So, they often decided to fill in the blanks creatively. Yusuke had heard everything. He'd heard rumors that his mother had murdered his father, he'd heard that his mother had just abandoned him on Madarame's doorstep, and he'd even heard that his mother was a prostitute. All these horrible things, things that _shouldn't_ have mattered, but they did.

They did because, even though Yusuke knew deep down in his heart that the rumors weren't true, he couldn't refute them. He didn't remember his mother at all. All he knew was what Madarame told him about her; her name, how she was an artist and how she was his prized student. He didn't know what she looked like, how old she was when she died, or even _how_ she died.

 _It doesn't matter,_ he told himself as he rushed out the classroom door and hurried down the stairs. _They don't know her any better than you do. They're just spreading meaningless gossip. It doesn't matter._

Even as he thought things to calm himself, he couldn't really bring himself to calm down. It was frustrating, because they weren't even _talking_ about his mother today. It was all about Yusuke and Ren. Yusuke rushed down the hall, pushing through the sea of other students and hoping to catch a glimpse of Ren when he left his classroom on the other end of the hallway. Nothing could raise his spirits or lift his heart out of the gutter better than the sight of Ren's smiling face.

When Yusuke didn't see Ren, he assumed Ren would already be waiting for him in the school's front hall. They always met up next to the shoe lockers when they didn't happen to catch one another in the halls. Yusuke bypassed his own shoe locker when he didn't see Ren there, and hurried toward Ren's. However, much to his surprise, his friend wasn't there, either.

Humming to himself, Yusuke used his height advantage to scan the ever-moving ocean of students for Ren's familiar unruly hair. When there was no sign of him, Yusuke furrowed his brow and looked at the clock. The final bell had rung about five minutes ago. It was strange. Ren was always here first.

"There he is. Just like every day," one of the girls from his class mocked from the other side of the hallway. She pointed at Yusuke and stared, but Yusuke knew better than to assume that she was talking _to_ him. That always ended with a sickeningly sweet greeting, and then more mockery the second he turned his back.

The girl's friend scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Ugh. They always meet here. Wonder if his _boyfriend_ stood him up."

With a chuckle, the first girl mocked, "Aw, poor little weirdo. Pity he couldn't like a _girl_. Girls are way better at keeping dates than boys. At least his soul mark will save him." The pair of girls walked out the front door, giggling to themselves.

Ignoring them as usual, Yusuke looked around the front hall again, and when there was no sign of Ren, Yusuke found himself even more worried. It was probably nothing. He was probably just overreacting, but he couldn't help worrying. Over the past few weeks, Ren had been a target of a particularly boorish classmate by the name of Youta. Yusuke was thoroughly convinced that the third year boy was just jealous of how amazing Ren was, but that didn't change how wrong it was for him to push Ren around the way he did.

The first time it happened, Ren and Yusuke were having lunch in the courtyard. Ren had made a delectable bento box with several different types of rice balls and some grilled fish, but they hadn't truly been able to enjoy it because right in the middle of their meal, Youta had shown up and destroyed Ren's, breaking his bento box and calling Ren all sorts of horrible names. Ren had told Yusuke of times that Youta had pushed him in the hallway, one of which had almost ended with Ren falling down the stairwell. Youta had also tripped him in the classroom while Ren was on the way to his desk, and mercilessly mocked him for foolish reasons.

If Ren wasn't waiting for Yusuke at the shoe lockers, or in the hallway in the sea of students... something must have happened. Perhaps it was telling that Yusuke's mind jumped straight to the worst possible ending, but he and Ren had never lived particularly fortunate lives.

Yusuke took off, pushing through the thinning crowd of students as he started searching desperately. While he knew he had to find Ren, he also knew it wouldn't be an easy task. Kosei was a rather large school. It wasn't like looking through Madarame's house to find his friend in one of the few rooms. The three obvious places to look for Ren were in his classroom, the music room, and the courtyard. Yusuke was closest to the courtyard, so he decided to start there.

It took all of Yusuke's strength to encourage him to keep his pace at a walk. He knew that if he didn't, he would be stopped by a teacher and inevitably end up taking longer to search. As he speed-walked down the hallway, he checked through the window of every classroom he passed just in case. They were all empty, save for the last lingering students. He burst out into the courtyard and immediately darted his eyes around. There was no obvious sign of Ren _or_ Youta and his friends, even when Yusuke searched every corner of the courtyard. The search ate up a decent chunk of time, and Yusuke cursed under his breath as he rushed back into the school.

Now, with the halls mostly empty, Yusuke was unafraid to pick his step up a little more. He rushed down the hall and up the stairs to the second-year classes, then turned left to head toward Ren's classroom. Class 2-F was on the far end of the hallway, and even running, it took Yusuke too much time to get there. He peered his head into the open door and looked around at the remaining students.

"Oh, I bet he's looking for Amamiya," one boy said to the other, not even bothering to acknowledge the possibility that Yusuke might've heard him.

The second boy shrugged. "Probably. Think I saw Youta chase him up the stairs, though," he mused.

 _Up the stairs._ Yusuke didn't even bother to listen to the rest of the conversation. It was likely nothing but a repetition of the rumors he'd already heard that day and every other day. Yusuke didn't have time to waste with people like that when his worst fears had been confirmed. Youta had chased Ren up the stairs? Yusuke's heart sped in his chest, and he completely disregarded any hallway rules. He took two stairs at once, then looked up and down the first year hallway. Instinct told him that Youta probably wouldn't do anything inside of the school, anyway, which only left...

The roof!

Yusuke picked up speed again, rushing up the last flight of stairs. He sped through the small storage area and crashed his body into the metal door, pushing it open with the impact. There, right before his eyes, was his worst fear confirmed. Ren was facing him, but it seemed like Yusuke hadn't even registered on his radar yet. His glasses were missing, but that only gave Yusuke a clearer view of the angry glare narrowing Ren's eyes. Ren gritted his teeth, and a slight trickle of blood dripped from an open wound on his cheek. His jaw was bruised—a sight which flashed Yusuke's mind back to an unpleasant time two years ago—but as always, he seemed unafraid of the seemingly insurmountable advantage Youta had against him.

No, on the contrary: he seemed _furious_. Ren thrashed against the arms holding him in place, pulling forward against them as they tried to keep him steady. "Take that back!"

"Why should I? He's just like you, Amamiya! You're both _orphans_! It's not like anyone loves him, just like no one loves _you_!"

Ren thrashed again, yanking one arm free and swinging it forward, managing to land a punch to Youta's temple. "Don't talk about him like that!" he shouted, his voice echoing out into the open air. The echo made Yusuke wonder exactly how no one had noticed the fight before.

With an angry scoff, Youta grabbed Ren's wrist and held onto it. "I should throw you off this roof for that! It'd be so easy, and it's not like anyone would even _care_! Not even your weirdo artist friend!" he snapped, twisting Ren's wrist and earning a sharp, pained gasp from Ren.

The sound of Ren's anguished cry was what finally broke Yusuke from his trance. If he didn't do something quickly, Ren would be seriously hurt. He rushed across the rooftop, quickly placing himself between Ren and Youta. Ren was still held in place by Youta's friends, which Yusuke suspected was the only thing keeping him from standing in front of Yusuke like he always did.

"Yusuke, what are you doing?" Ren snapped. "Don't, he'll—"

Yusuke shook his head. "I've seen quite enough of this. Youta, you have been tormenting Ren for weeks now, for absolutely no reason, and I'm growing tired of it! Leave us alone, or I will be forced to—"

Before Yusuke could finish his sentence, Youta balled his fist and thrust it forward quickly. It connected with Yusuke's stomach, and suddenly it felt like Yusuke's lungs were empty. It was almost as though Youta's fist had forced the air out of them and taken his ability to refill them right along with it. He fell to his knees and doubled over, wheezing and trying to catch his stolen breath. While he struggled, he heard Ren grunt furiously from behind him, screaming for Youta's friends to let him go and for Youta to leave Yusuke alone.

"You think you can do _anything_ to me? I'm about as scared of you as I am of him. That should tell you something. Guess now, when we finish with him, it's your turn," Youta told Yusuke, before brushing past him.

Slowly but surely, Yusuke's lungs refilled with air and he could finally focus enough to push himself back to his feet. His stomach still hurt, and would probably bruise, but at the moment he had much greater concerns on his mind. When he stood back up, he found his worry was completely warranted. Youta and his friends were escorting Ren to the edge of the roof, repeating their chorus of demeaning taunts. Youta told Ren that no one would care, that even Yusuke would forget about him eventually.

Yusuke moved as quickly as his body would allow, standing between Ren and the edge of the roof. "Stop this, this instant! Ren has done _nothing_ to you. You would truly _murder_ someone for no reason?"

"What're you gonna do to stop us, Kitagawa? It's not like you're strong enough to stop _three_ of us on your own!" Youta reminded him.

Maybe Youta was right, but at the moment, it didn't even register in Yusuke's mind. Youta's friends were both shorter than Yusuke, but they had far more muscle. Even so, he couldn't just stand there and do nothing. Despite the silent plea Ren was flashing him, Yusuke stayed in place. He refused to sit idly by when Ren's _life_ was being threatened. However, that didn't mean he had any idea of how to proceed from here. He just had to hope that there was no chance Youta would _actually_ try to throw Ren from the roof.

Ren looked at Yusuke, dark eyes silently pleading for Yusuke to move so he didn't get hurt. Yusuke's own eyes narrowed in a silent refusal. Behind Ren, Yusuke could vaguely hear Youta ranting on, threatening both Yusuke and Ren and warning Yusuke of what would happen if he didn't move, but Yusuke didn't pay him any mind. Instead, he kept his eyes locked on Ren's, and glanced to the lackey on the left. If he distracted the one on the left, Ren could pull loose from the one on the right and then they could make a run for it. As for what they would do the next day, or any day after that, Yusuke had absolutely no idea. For now, his only concern was making sure they escaped this situation with their lives.

Without waiting for confirmation from Ren, Yusuke charged forward, barreling into the boy on the left, knocking him directly into Youta, and sending them both toppling them to the gravel roof. Ren instantly reacted, stomping harshly on the other boy's foot. Then, he dashed toward Yusuke and grabbed his hand. While the three bullies were still reeling and trying to collect themselves, Ren and Yusuke ran as quickly as they could back into the school.

As they hurried down the two flights of stairs, Yusuke saw Ren stumble more than once. Upon closer inspection, Yusuke noticed that Ren also had a slightly hobbled gait. What had Youta done to him?

"Music room," Ren whispered. "My teacher gave me the keys to practice after school, so we... so we can hide out in there for awhile while they look for us."

Yusuke nodded. "Alright," he answered breathlessly.

They hurried into the practice building, then down the hall to the music room. Once they were inside, Ren urgently fished the keys from his backpack to lock the door behind them. As soon as they were safe, he dropped Yusuke's hand, leaned against the door, and slid down to sit on the floor. Ren puffed out desperate, ragged breaths as he tried to calm himself. Discarding his school bag, Yusuke lowered himself to the floor and crawled over to sit beside Ren. They sat together in silence, their rushed, labored breaths the only sound in the room.

Ren leaned his head back, but as soon as Yusuke heard the dull thud of Ren's head impacting with the metal door, Ren cursed under his breath and reached his uninjured hand up to rub his crown. "Ow," he mumbled between breaths.

Yusuke turned to glance at Ren. "Are you..." He stopped short. Of course Ren wasn't okay. He'd _clearly_ been beaten up again, as well as chased up to the roof and threatened. "What happened?" he asked instead.

As Ren dropped his hand back to his side, his fingers brushed against Yusuke's, sending that warm tingling feeling spreading throughout Yusuke's fingers again. It had been happening more and more lately, but Yusuke really didn't mind it. It was nice, and Yusuke found himself enjoying it more and more each time. It would be alright, as long as he never did anything foolish, like slipped up and accidentally told Ren about it.

"It's... it's stupid. You'll probably be mad at me," Ren laughed bitterly as he raised his head to look at Yusuke.

As unfunny as the situation was, Yusuke couldn't help but laugh. Ren's statement likely meant he'd done something reckless again, since that was the only thing Yusuke ever really got angry with him about. On any other day, Ren probably would have been right about the assumption, but today, Yusuke was too glad for Ren escaping the confrontation with his life to be upset about anything. "I assume this means you were reckless again," Yusuke finally said, his tone gentle in an attempt to reassure Ren that he wasn't _actually_ angry.

Ren hummed. "Yeah, I guess I was," he answered. "Couldn't help it, though. The second he brought you into the conversation..."

"Me?"

"Mmm. He and his friends were trying to bait me into a fight as I walked by. Y'know, saying all the stupid things they usually say about my mom and Madarame and talking about what the rumor of the day is..." Ren explained. "I was fine with that, though. When he started making fun of you, I lost it."

Yusuke frowned. "Ren, you didn't have to provoke them because of me."

Ren shook his head sharply. "No, I did. I had to. He called you worthless, Yusuke. He... he said the world would be better off without you, and I just... couldn't take it," he murmured. "I pushed him before I realized what I was doing. He obviously got really mad, so he chased me up to the roof. Roughed me up a little and then... started on his usual _whatever_ that he usually says to me. I can handle that, though."

"Ren..."

"I know," Ren grumbled. "I just... I don't want _anyone_ thinking the world would be better if you weren't in it. It wouldn't. Mine _definitely_ wouldn't."

Their hands still touched between them, and Yusuke weighed his options for a second before lifting his and moving it to the other side of Ren's. He smoothed his fingertips up Ren's palm, lacing their hands together. His whole palm tingled, the pleasant warmth spreading through his hand and up through his arm. He thought back to Youta's words on the roof, when he claimed that no one would care if Ren disappeared. "Ren... you know I would care, right?" he asked. He didn't need to specify, nor did he want to.

Somehow, in spite of everything, Ren managed a smile. He glanced down at their twined hands, and then back up at Yusuke. "I know."

It was more than just simply caring, though. If Ren wasn't there, if Ren wasn't with him, Yusuke would be lost. It would feel like his entire world was ending. Just the thought made his heart feel hollow. Yusuke didn't know much about love, beyond what he'd read in books or seen in movies. However, as he considered his feelings about Ren, he found himself wondering if perhaps this was what it felt like. Was it love, when just the thought of seeing Ren at the end was enough to get Yusuke through his worst days? Was it love when Yusuke would be willing to bring the stars down from the sky just to see Ren smile? Was it love when his skin tingled every time it so much as brushed against Ren's?

Yusuke wasn't sure, but he was sure of one thing. Someday, he and Ren would find a way to _truly _be happy. He would make sure of it.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AT LEAST THEY HAVE EACH OTHER, GUYS.
> 
> This chapter goes out to my dear friend and co-Twisted Little Bean, [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations), who really wants more Ren whump in the world.


	7. I Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _the creases in the corner of your mouth_  
>  _when they curl into a smile,_  
>  _that forms around you like a giant light,_  
>  _and warms me from the inside..._  
> [i like you](https://open.spotify.com/track/0VO1fijaLaTo5gBeHKVTVK?si=et_oGhY6TdyX94xDQNUPVQ) ;; rosi golan  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TxSEJay9ZE) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rosigolan/ilikeyou.html) }

Madarame was gone for the weekend, to some stupid art award ceremony, leaving Ren and Yusuke alone in the house for three days and two nights. Ren was almost positive he hadn't actually painted the piece he was winning the award for, especially not if Yusuke's reaction was any indication. It made Ren angry, the way Madarame took credit for Yusuke's work all the time. Yusuke was seeming to tire of it as well. Lately, Yusuke always seemed to want to stay at the park later than usual. Some nights, they would stay until two or three in the morning, leaving them precious little time for sleep before school. Ren never complained, not even when he spent the entire school day exhausted.

Ultimately, neither of them had complained about the time alone. For the first time in their seventeen years alive, they had time to breathe. They had time to spend together and no one to tell them to get back to work. They'd spent much of the first day sleeping. Ren had moved his futon into Yusuke's room, and just being near his friend made sleeping much easier than it was in his own room.

They woke up before dawn, ready to soak up as much time together as they possibly could. It started with breakfast. Yusuke helped Ren cook. Or, at least he tried to. What started as help quickly ended with Ren teaching Yusuke to make natto to put over their rice. Ren didn't mind. In the dark corners of his mind, he saw it as preparing Yusuke for the day when Madarame inevitably got tired of Ren's presence and kicked him out.

Ren hoped the day never came. He never wanted to live in a world where he couldn't see Yusuke every day.

After breakfast, Ren and Yusuke walked around town together. They strolled past their playground, where some neighborhood children played, and all the way to the train station, where they sat and watched people get on and off the train for a while. Ren was tempted to grab Yusuke's hand, get on the train, and keep going. He wanted to go until they couldn't go anymore, to find a place where they could live away from Madarame and Youta and all the other things causing them pain and stress. Somewhere they could be _free_ together. Maybe he was projecting, but for a second, Ren could swear he saw the same desire in Yusuke's eyes.

In the end, neither of them followed—or even voiced—their desires, though. After watching people at the train station for a few hours, Ren and Yusuke got up and went back to Madarame's house for lunch. Yet again, Yusuke watched and Ren tried to teach, and yet again, Ren felt an uncomfortable tug at his heart when he thought of the possibility that Madarame would kick him out.

Since lunchtime, they'd been in the living area, watching several movies that Madarame would never let them watch before. Most of them were things they'd heard other students at school talking about, and none of them were really that interesting, but Ren didn't care. It seemed like Yusuke didn't care too much either. The movie they were watching at the moment was about a group of American teenagers preparing for some kind of school dance or social... or something like that. The details were honestly lost on Ren. He was more focused on how interested _Yusuke_ was.

"I must admit, I fail to see what all the fuss is about. Are school functions such a grandiose occasion in America?" Yusuke asked.

Ren chuckled softly and shrugged. "What, you don't like the idea of getting dressed up and dancing up close to someone you have a crush on?"

The thought of Yusuke with a crush on someone sent an irrational pang of jealousy straight to Ren's heart. His mind's eye couldn't get past the image of Yusuke, standing with his hands on some girl's waist, swaying in time with the music. He made a face and turned to look away. It was inevitable. Someday, Yusuke _would_ fall in love with some girl and she'd steal him away. Ren huffed an annoyed breath and forced himself to look at Yusuke.

When he did, he was surprised to see a soft flush on Yusuke's cheeks. "I... don't have the musicality that you do, Ren," he pointed out. "I can't see myself dancing with anyone."

"Really? You can't see yourself with your arms around someone's waist, standing close to them, moving your bodies to and fro together and enjoying being together?" Ren mused, conducting an invisible orchestra with his fingertips.

Out of nowhere, Ren found his mind focused on _himself_ in such a situation. He was in a tuxedo, in a room covered in streamers and decorative lights. His body was pressed close to another body, and the warmth of the imaginary embrace permeated his being and made him feel... good. Really good. He and his imaginary dance partner moved to the rhythm of some nondescript music, moving and breathing in time, and Ren's _real_ smile grew even wider. Ren focused on the scene around him, trying to get a better picture of who his imaginary dance partner was. When they came into focus, his heart fluttered strangely in his chest.

It was Yusuke. In his mind, he danced close to Yusuke.

"I haven't really imagined myself in such a situation before," Yusuke answered, breaking Ren's concentration. "I... don't think anyone would want to dance with me like that, though. At least not anyone I want to dance with." It had to be Ren's imagination, but it _almost_ seemed like Yusuke was casting him a sidelong glance.

Ren frowned. As much as he wanted to disagree with Yusuke, he really couldn't. They weren't exactly well-liked in their school. As time went on, Youta's bullying had only gotten worse and the rumors about them spread even further. It had gotten to the point that even their _teachers_ treated them differently. Ren still had the favor of his music teacher, but sometimes even _she_ shot him strange looks when nothing else was going on. If they had socials or dances in Kosei, Ren anticipated that he and Yusuke would be outcasts. If they were invited, they'd spend the whole time alone.

It was stupid. Yusuke deserved to have everyone in that school falling at his feet and telling him how amazing he was, because he _was_ amazing. He was smart, and fun, and one of the most beautiful people Ren had ever seen. It didn't make sense for some dumb rumors to ruin everything for him. Sometimes, he wished he was less selfish so he could _actually_ give Yusuke space and let him live the life he deserved to live. Ren _had_ to be what was holding him back.

"I bet if you asked who you wanted to ask, they wouldn't say no," Ren pointed out, trying _desperately_ to keep the jealousy out of his tone.

Yusuke shrugged. "They would _absolutely_ say no. I'm certain," he laughed dismally.

So, it was true. Yusuke _did_ have someone he was interested in. Ren frowned and looked down at his hands. The moment he caught sight of the bruises on his knuckles from a recent with Youta, he turned to look away. Yusuke was interested in someone. How long could Ren really keep his friend around when there was someone out there who had his attention?

"Well, maybe you don't want to dance with them, but you should definitely talk to them," Ren said. Better to encourage Yusuke than voice his fears. "You're the coolest person I know, Yusuke. Anyone would have to be stupid not to want to talk to you."

The silence blanketing the room right then was thicker than it had been in a long time. Yusuke seemed conflicted and Ren wondered what the conflict was about. It wasn't like Ren had said anything _weird_. If Yusuke had a crush on someone, he should've been able to talk to them. If that person was stupid enough _not_ to like Yusuke back, then well... that was their problem.

Shrugging one shoulder, Ren turned to Yusuke with a nervous smile on his face. "Well... maybe if you tell me who they are, I can talk to them," he suggested. "I can break the ice and let her know what they're missing. Let them know how they'd have to be _stupid_ to let someone like _you_ get away."

Yusuke laughed softly. This time Ren was _sure_ Yusuke was looking at him. "Oh. You could. You would have an easier time talking to him than anyone else, in fact."

Ren arched an eyebrow. What did that mean? The person Yusuke was interested in was someone he'd have an easier time talking to than anyone else? The only person to fall into _that_ category was Yusuke himself. Unless it was Youta. _Wouldn't that be your luck?_ Ren asked himself as he turned to glance at the bruises on his knuckles again. It would absolutely be standard Ren luck, if the person to take his best friend away from him was the one person who wished he would disappear—the one person who had actively tried to _make_ him disappear, even.

"Okay, now you have me curious," Ren admitted with a soft chuckle. It wasn't exactly true. He'd been curious all along. If Yusuke was going to drop hints, Ren had to hope he'd be willing to share more.

It was strange. Ren was _sure_ he'd seen Yusuke blush before. He'd probably seen it a hundred thousand times in his life. Never before had he seen a blush quite so deep, though. The red on Yusuke's cheeks was a sharp contrast to his pale skin, and Ren had to wonder exactly what was making him blush so hard. They didn't keep secrets, and Yusuke had to know that there was nothing he could say to make Ren think any less of him. He could probably confess to a hundred thousand murders, and Ren would be willing to take his secret to the grave.

In the background, the characters in the movie were talking about grand graduation plans, but it didn't even register in Ren's mind anymore. "You can tell me anything, Yusuke. You _do_ know that, right?" he asked.

Yusuke nodded. "Y-yes. Of course I know that," he answered sheepishly. "I simply... this is something I have kept to myself for a while now, and it's hard to find a way to say it and not... scare you."

Ren laughed. "Well if you're worried about scaring me, you might wanna, uh... stop acting so cryptic and just tell me," he admitted, biting down hard on his lower lip.

"Oh. I wasn't trying to... I just..."

"I know, it's okay. Just... you could tell me pretty much anything and I wouldn't be scared," Ren reassured Yusuke. "I don't care who you have a crush on. I'll do whatever I can to help you get their attention, because... because you're important to me. So..."

Again, the room fell into silence. Ren could tell that Yusuke was mulling over his options in his head, and it made total sense. Crushes, Ren assumed, were scary things. He didn't _think_ he'd ever had a crush before, but then again, he _also_ wasn't sure he'd know if he had. The only references he had were books and music, and they always painted things way too dramatic.

Finally, Yusuke spoke up again. "Even if..." he whispered, his eyes on his hands, "even if I said it was you?"

Him? Ren blinked rapidly. It had to be a hypothetical situation because there was no way in _hell_ that someone like Yusuke had a crush on someone like Ren. While it was a strange hypothetical situation to offer, Ren meant what he'd said. There was absolutely nothing Yusuke could tell him that was serious enough to scare him. Even if, by some wild stretch of the imagination, Yusuke's mystery crush turned out to be Ren.

"Yeah, even if it's me," Ren answered with a reassuring laugh.

Yusuke swallowed nervously and Ren could almost see the outline of the lump as it traveled down Yusuke's throat. His cheeks grew redder somehow, and when he spoke up again, his voice was so quiet that it would have been lost in a louder room. "I was quite serious..."

He was serious? He _wasn't_ joking? Ren watched him for a few seconds while the words sunk in, and he tried to read Yusuke's posture. He still looked nervous, and somehow the red on his cheeks darkened further as he looked at his hands. If he got any redder, he would look like a tomato or a strawberry.

"You were?"

"Y-yes..." Yusuke stammered.

Ren's eyes widened. "Me?"

"Yes," Yusuke answered with a self-deprecating laugh.

Yusuke had a crush on _Ren_ , of all people? Ren, who he _knew_ was a nobody who was destined to spend his whole life in Madarame's service? Ren, who Yusuke had seen at his absolute worst? Somehow, after seeing all the downs and _lower_ downs of Ren's life, Yusuke still had a crush on him? How? Why? It didn't make any sense whatsoever.

Suddenly, Ren felt like his voice was trapped in the depths of his throat. When he finally spoke, it came out in a shaky croak. "Why?" he squawked, immediately wishing he could shove the word back in.

"Because," Yusuke murmured under his breath, "you're you. Because you're beautiful, intelligent, fun, kind, and... you've always been there for me. Whenever you smile at me, I feel like my stomach is twisting into knots and my heart is trying to fly away at the same time. Wh-when you touch me, it feels like my skin tingles. I want to be near you all the time, and when I'm without you, it feels like my time is wasted."

Ren blinked. Did all of that mean crush? If knots in the stomach and a soaring heart and tingling skin meant a _crush_ , he had been crushing on Yusuke for a long time. A _really_ long time. The first time he'd ever felt a tingle when Yusuke touched him was when they were ten years old. Ever since, he'd experienced all the things Yusuke had just said.

It felt like someone had shocked his system all of a sudden. Realization dawned on him, and before he could stop himself, he extended his right hand and placed his fingertips on Yusuke's chin. As soon as they came into contact, the same tingle spread out from his fingertips and set his veins alight with warmth. It felt like his heart was screaming at him, sarcastically telling him how it was about _time_ he caught up to it. How could he not have realized it before? Slowly, gently, he urged Yusuke to turn and meet his eyes. Ren traced his face, before finally settling on his eyes.

Yusuke was looking at him, gray eyes still lined with nerves as he examined Ren's face. Ren's eyes trailed down to look at his lips. The lower lip was red, and a little bit puffy from Yusuke biting down on it, but it almost drew Ren's eyes even more than before.

The urge to kiss Yusuke came on so strong, so fast, that Ren wouldn't have been able to fight it if he tried. He leaned forward, his fingers still resting on Yusuke's cheek, and pressed their lips together. It was supposed to be suave, or smooth, or _something_ to show Yusuke that he wasn't the _only_ one with a crush. It was none of those things. Ren's lips pressed against the very corner of Yusuke's mouth. To make matters worse, Ren was pretty sure Yusuke was about to speak, because his lips ended up hitting Yusuke's bottom lip. When he realized exactly how stupid he looked, Ren stopped suddenly and pulled back. He cleared his throat and glanced down at the table in front of him.

"S-sorry, I—"

"Don't be sorry," Yusuke replied, his voice quiet.

Ren cleared his throat. "I didn't know you were gonna talk, or I would've... y'know... waited." Maybe. Probably not.

It was Yusuke's turn to extend his hand and touch Ren's face. Long, lithe fingertips brushed against his skin, leaving tingles and warmth in their wake as he turned Ren to look at him again. "It's okay," he promised.

Nerves still lined Yusuke's eyes, and his cheeks were still red, but he had a smile spreading across his face now. In spite of how stupid Ren felt, he couldn't help but let a smile in return. "I was trying to be smooth, or whatever," he pointed out. "I think. The feeling just came over me, and I wanted to kiss you. Sorry if you didn't want me t—"

"I did," Yusuke chuckled softly. "I've wanted you to kiss me for a long time now."

Ren tilted his head. "How long?" he asked.

A smirk spread across Yusuke's face. "I think my feelings started when we were fourteen. So, yes, quite a long time," he admitted.

"Think mine started when we were ten," Ren admitted.

"You mean you... you have feelings for me, too? That kiss wasn't just—"

"Of course it wasn't," Ren interrupted. "And... of course I do."

Yusuke held his fingers in place against Ren's cheek, but extended his hand flat, so his whole palm caressed Ren's jaw. The warmth and the tingles were almost overwhelming, but somehow, Ren was managing to keep himself composed. At least until Yusuke leaned forward and pressed a soft, gentle kiss to Ren's lips. Ren's eyes fluttered closed, and he lifted his own hand to come to rest on the back of Yusuke's neck and hold him in place. Ren's lips seemed to tingle more than the rest of him when Yusuke touched him, and he wanted to keep the warm, pleasant feeling going for as long as he could.

The kiss finally broke, and Ren pressed his forehead against Yusuke's. "I think I could do that all night," he confessed, before pressing another brief kiss to Yusuke's lips.

When Yusuke only answered with a nod, Ren took that as a go ahead and craned his neck slightly to recapture Yusuke's lips. If it wasn't permission, Yusuke would tell him so. No signal came, though, so Ren kissed him a little more intently. Ren opened his mouth, brushing his tongue against Yusuke's lower lip. When Yusuke opened his mouth, Ren urged Yusuke to get closer and kissed him even deeper. It felt almost like a raging river pounding against a weak dam. Every touch, every kiss, felt _incredible_ , and Ren didn't want them to end. He smoothed his fingers down and brushed them against Yusuke's neck.

They kissed until neither of them could breathe, and when they finally broke, both of them took a few seconds to catch their breath. It felt like something important had just clicked into place. Ren couldn't recall ever feeling quite this _happy_ before... and he was almost positive that he wasn't the only one. The way Yusuke was smiling made a pool of warmth spread out from Ren's heart to every inch of his body. Ren had seen Yusuke happy before, but never before had Yusuke smiled quite so wide.

As much as Ren wanted to kiss Yusuke again, he didn't feel the need to rush. They'd made an important step. Now that Ren knew it was okay, it definitely wouldn't be the last time they had a chance. They shared a quiet smile and leaned back on the couch together, sitting a little closer than they'd been before. Ren slid their hands together and leaned his head against Yusuke's shoulder. When Yusuke rested his head on top of Ren's, everything felt absolutely perfect.

"So, now you know the real answer," Yusuke whispered. "I _can_ see myself dancing like that with someone."

Ren chuckled and leaned the rest of his body closer to Yusuke. "Me too. Only one someone, though."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, I swear fics take a mind of their own. This was not the direction I was _planning_ on taking this chapter, but the boys took control and decided to _completely change the course of the whole fic_. :|
> 
> Thanks, as always, to the wonderful and talented [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for betaing this and keeping me on track.


	8. For Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _if you're lost, then i'll find you,_  
>  _if you asked me, i'd lay my life down._  
>  _not for glory, i'm striving,_  
>  _for your love, i'm fighting._  
> [for your love](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hanson/foryourlove.html) ;; hanson  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QV2aLZJq_DM) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hanson/foryourlove.html) }

_"Did you hear that Eri got her soul mark?"_

_"No way! Hatsuo got his last month, too! She's been crushing on him since _forever_! I wonder if they're linked to each other!"_

Soul marks. Ren had never even _heard_ of soul marks until he started school. For the first two years, he only heard passing mentions of third years getting their soul marks. He was reasonably sure it had something to do with adulthood, but other than that, he knew absolutely nothing about them. What were they? Why did they only happen to third years? Now that he was in his third year, was he going to get one, too? What about Yusuke? If someone's soul mark could link to another person's soul mark, was it possible that his would link to Yusuke's? Ren's mind spun as he _tried_ to focus on learning the words to his song for the third year showcase.

Focus wasn't coming easy, though. The song was easy. He could learn it on his own time. What he _couldn't_ learn on his own time was what a soul mark was. Ren was so lost in his curiosity about soul marks, that he completely missed Youta's daily taunts, and he rushed out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang.

Yusuke wouldn't mind if they took a pit stop and went to the library today. Maybe they could go to the little takoyaki stand Yusuke liked afterward.

Ren didn't even make it to the stairs before he felt a gentle hand against his shoulder. The touch was so familiar that he didn't need to look up to know who it was. "Hey Yusuke," he said with a grin as he lifted his eyes.

"You seem preoccupied," Yusuke answered, effortlessly falling into step with Ren as they made their way down the stairs.

"I guess so, yeah," Ren admitted. "I heard people talking about soul marks again. I think it's time we got to the bottom of this."

Yusuke arched an eyebrow and scratched the back of his neck. Ren could tell by his posture that he was _itching_ to lace their fingers together, but they were always careful not to draw any unwanted attention when they were in school. As soon as they got onto the train, though, nothing in the world would stop them. "I don't think Madarame will be too forthcoming with information, Ren. Remember? Soul marks are 'none of our concern?'" he parroted Madarame's words.

"Ugh," Ren grumbled. "None of our concern, when everyone around us seems to be getting one. Makes perfect sense."

Laughing fondly, Yusuke brushed his knuckles against Ren's as they walked. "Yes, well, you know Madarame," he murmured.

Ren smirked and nodded. "Exactly," he pointed out. "And that's why we're going over his head. We're going to the library. There's _gotta_ be something on the internet about it, and if there's not, then we'll figure something else out from there. If Madarame's not gonna tell us things we _probably_ need to know, then... we'll just find out on our own."

The way Yusuke grinned told Ren more than words could. Yusuke was on board for going over Madarame's head. "Well, I suppose I _could_ do a little research into some classic artists, just to see if there's any way I could improve my style," he tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Exactly. My Mozart report is due in two days. Madarame doesn't know it's already done, and he doesn't have to," Ren replied, bumping Yusuke with his shoulder as they left the school together.

The closer they got to Yusuke's eighteenth birthday, the more willing Yusuke was to step outside Madarame's borders. Ren made sure he didn't do anything _too_ risky, but it seemed like Yusuke was done pretending to be the subservient painter now. He still put on the act, at least long enough to keep Madarame from suspicion. It was different now, though. Now, Ren wasn't the only one to sneak out of his room. Some nights, Yusuke even stayed the night in Ren's room. They fell asleep holding each other, and woke up cuddled close to one another. Ren would be lying if he said waking up so close to Yusuke wasn't his favorite thing.

Right under Madarame's nose, they'd fallen into a happy and comfortable pattern. Ren's alarm woke him up early enough to make breakfast, and Yusuke used that to tell him when to back across the hall and go back to pretending. The time they spent pretending was the downside to the happiness Ren felt when they were together, but it was worth it.

Once they got onto the train, they stood side by side near the wall, and linked hands behind their backs. Someday, they wouldn't have to hide it. Someday, they'd be free to just be open together. Ren looked forward to that day, but for now, he was happy with what they had.

It was a short train ride to get to the library, and when the train came to a stop, Ren hesitantly untangled their fingers. They were less likely to see their classmates at the public library than they were at the school library, but that didn't mean it was completely impossible. In the back of Ren's mind, a voice was screaming for him not to care. Yusuke made him happy, and he wanted the world to know. Unfortunately, their bad reputation was already difficult to manage. Ren didn't want to make things any harder on Yusuke. He flashed his best friend a warm, affectionate smile as they started toward the library.

As predicted, several students from their school littered the building. A few of the girls from Yusuke's class sat in a far corner, gossiping over some magazine instead of researching any schoolwork. Some first years sat up on the balcony, and a few students from nearby schools filled the rest of the room. Ren beckoned for Yusuke to follow him with a tilt of his head.

They walked toward a line of computers and sat at one in the very corner of the room. Isolation was good. It kept them away from the prying eyes of the other students in the room, _and_ it gave Ren the liberty to pull Yusuke's chair closer than he otherwise would have been able to. Yusuke's chair was as close to Ren's as it could possibly get, and when he sat down, their hips touched. Ren turned and flashed Yusuke a lopsided smirk.

"You don't have to sit so close if you don't want to. I just—"

Yusuke shook his head. "I want to," he answered softly. "I want to sit closer, but the library isn't exactly the best place for that, is it?"

Ren laughed and dashed his tongue out to wet his lips. "Later," he told Yusuke. "You can sleep in my room with me again tonight, if you want."

"What kind of fool would I have to be to say no to that?" Yusuke asked.

As Ren logged into the library computer, he spotted Yusuke from the corner of his eye, flexing his fingers tentatively. A nervous habit, Ren knew, and something Yusuke always did when he was itching to touch Ren but unsure if it was okay. Ren paused once he'd put his username and password into the library computer, then reached over and grabbed Yusuke's hand by the wrist. He flashed Yusuke a grin, and then placed his palm on Ren's knee. "I can't type and hold your hand, but... you can do this if you want."

Red-tinged Yusuke's cheeks, and he laughed sheepishly. "It will have to do for now," he murmured. "However, once Madarame goes to sleep tonight... I hope you save me a kiss or two."

"Only one or two?" Ren asked playfully.

Yusuke laughed again. "Oh, I will absolutely take as many as you're willing to give me, Ren. Don't hold back on my account," he retorted, brushing his thumb against Ren's knee.

Chuckling fondly, Ren tried to focus on typing instead of the warm tingles Yusuke's touch caused when he brushed against Ren's knee. Once he logged on, he ran a quick search on soul marks. Beyond a seemingly _limitless_ list of fanfiction, Ren found several different sites with information on soul marks. Some of them weren't exactly informational. Some were anti-soul-mark, telling people to defy what their soul marks told them to do. A few others talked about what soul marks looked like. Ren wasn't sure what information he'd managed to get from those sites, other than the realization that soul marks weren't exactly universally liked, like they were by the girls at school.

"It seems people have very conflicting feelings on these soul marks," Yusuke mused, quirking his head to the side at some of the soul mark images. "And that many people have many different _styles_ of soul mark."

Ren nodded. "They're all pretty elaborate, aren't they?"

A smile crossed Yusuke's face as he glanced at the web page. "I was especially fond of the bright purple one with the dozens of doves flying out of a hat. It looked like something I would paint," he mused.

"You should," Ren suggested.

"Perhaps later. For now, I would like to see some _actual_ information about soul marks. I'm curious."

Ren nodded, then turned back to the computer, scrolling past another pair of opinion pieces on soul marks. He hummed thoughtfully, then clicked on an article about the history and explanation of soul marks. "Finally! Jackpot," he announced as he clicked the link.

"A person's soul mark appears on their eighteenth birthday, as a band around their left ring finger," Yusuke read aloud from beside Ren. "And is visible only to them. The image displayed relates directly to their soulmate's primary interest." Humming to himself, Yusuke went silent and pensive.

Chuckling, Ren mused, "So that really pretty purple one probably meant her soulmate was a magician," he explained.

Yusuke nodded, then leaned in and continued to read. "A person's soul mark will grow brighter and increasingly elaborate, the closer they are to their soulmate. If their soulmate loves them back, the colors will grow more vivid and it will almost seem like it's glowing."

In the back of Ren's mind, he found himself worried. Each day that passed, Ren became more and more sure that he _loved_ Yusuke. It had never really been a question. Even before they kissed the first time, Ren knew he loved Yusuke as a friend. Since then, that love had blossomed and grown, taking on a life of its own almost. Ren loved Yusuke with all his heart. When he was with Yusuke was the only time he really felt happy. What if, on Yusuke's eighteenth birthday, his soul mark came in, and it led him to someone other than Ren? What if Yusuke didn't love Ren back, and there was someone else out there better _suited_ to Yusuke than Ren was?

"Ren?" Yusuke asked.

Ren swallowed nervously. "Uh... sorry, I—"

"Are you alright?"

Laughing sheepishly, Ren shrugged a shoulder and glanced down at the keyboard in front of him. "Just worried, I guess."

"About whether or not we're soulmates?" Yusuke asked softly.

It came as no surprise that Yusuke had caught on. Yusuke knew him better than anyone in the world. His best friend, the man he loved, his partner in crime. Ren wet his lips and nodded demurely. "Yeah. I... I mean, it's good if there's someone out there who can make you happier than me, and I would absolutely want you to go be with them if it ended up that way—"

"No," Yusuke interrupted, his tone sharp.

Ren blinked. "Huh?"

Squeezing Ren's knee gently, Yusuke shook his head sharply. "I said _no_. I don't care what some stupid mark on my finger says, Ren. I don't care if the world claims that there's someone out there who'll make me happier than you are, because the world is _wrong_. It's not possible. If this insipid soul mark tries to tell me that there is someone out there better for me than you? Well, I will defy it to my last breath. There is no one out there who can make me happier than you," he insisted, his voice growing more and more passionate as he spoke.

In fact, they drew some stares from a couple of people nearby, but Ren couldn't be bothered to care. "Yusuke..."

"I'm quite serious, Ren. You have been my soulmate since we were children. There is nothing some mark on my skin can do to tell me otherwise. So, for now, we can simply hope our marks will lead us to each other, and if they don't?"

A smile slowly spread across Ren's face. "If they don't... then who cares," he murmured.

With a nod, Yusuke pushed Ren's glasses up on his nose and brushed some hair from his eyes. "I never want to be in a world where we're not together, Ren. Whether or not our marks tell us so... we're soulmates."

Trying the best he could not to let that warm tingle overtake him, Ren met Yusuke's eyes. It was probably counterproductive, if he was trying to avoid letting his feelings overwhelm him. The look in Yusuke's eyes was perfect. He looked so sure about them, and Ren suddenly found himself feeling endlessly better. Yusuke was right. No matter what some stupid mark on their skin said, Ren loved Yusuke. Ren had loved Yusuke since they were kids, and Ren would love Yusuke until the day he died. It only made sense for them to be one another's soulmate, right?

"You're right," Ren murmured softly. "I don't know why I was even worried."

Yusuke chuckled. "Neither do I. When have we ever allowed someone else's rules to force us apart, Ren?" he asked.

Ren chuckled. "See, this is just one of the million reasons I need you."

"We need each other," Yusuke reminded him.

That settled it. The knowledge that they would be together no matter what happened made Ren's heart soar more than it had any right to. Maybe it was selfish, knowing that their relationship may be keeping Yusuke from his true soulmate, but it didn't seem like Yusuke cared. If Yusuke didn't care—if Yusuke was willing to tell fate to stay out of their lives so they could be together—Ren didn't care either.

However, the renewed devotion brought one very important thought to Ren's mind. He knew it was probably inappropriate, but he was overcome with a deep and suffocating desire to kiss Yusuke, and he didn't think he could wait until tonight. He quickly logged them out of the computer and stood, shouldering his bag and grabbing Yusuke's hand. "Come with me," he whispered.

Yusuke adjusted his school bag on his shoulder as they stood, then laced his fingers with Ren's. "Where are we going?"

Maybe Ren should have answered. Maybe leading Yusuke deeper into the crowded library and not saying where they were going was unfair. He couldn't just answer, though. Each time he tried, he realized how many people were still around. The closer they got to the back of the library, the fewer people there were, but there were still too many and Ren didn't really want to spread the stupid rumors even further. Instead, he tugged Yusuke deeper into the library, into an abandoned corner with shelves and shelves of ancient, neglected books. In the very back of Ren's mind, he wondered why they kept this corner of the library if no one ever came here, but at the moment, it was working in his favor.

Ren dragged Yusuke along until they reached the very corner of the library, then directed him into a small shaded nook in the corner. Without any complaint, Yusuke followed his direction. Two bookshelves blocked them from immediate view, so when Yusuke turned around and looked at him inquisitively, Ren stepped forward and pinned Yusuke against the wall. He smoothed his fingertips along Yusuke's cheek, tangled them into his hair, and then rocked up onto the tips of his toes to crash their lips together hungrily. The second their lips touched, Ren's whole body buzzed with energy and that same pleasant warmth coursed through his entire being. Yusuke's touch clouded him over in a satisfying haze, and Ren never wanted to come out of it.

At first, Yusuke gasped, but he relaxed quickly. He let his school bag slide down his shoulder and fall to the floor haphazardly, before placing both of his hands on Ren's face and tilting his head upward to improve the angle.

When they finally broke for air, Ren's head fell to rest on Yusuke's shoulder. "I couldn't wait until tonight," he murmured.

"Well, I definitely won't complain about your impatience, if this is the result."

They stayed there for a moment, Yusuke leaning against the wall and Ren leaning against Yusuke. Neither of them seemed like they had any intention of moving whatsoever. "Someday," Ren finally murmured against his shoulder, "We'll be able to do this whenever we want. Someday, no one will be able to keep me from holding you. From kissing you. No one will be able to keep us from being together..."

"That sounds absolutely perfect, Ren," Yusuke mumbled into his hair, pressing lazy kisses to his scalp.

Ren tilted his head up, catching Yusuke's eyes and kissing his lips softly. "It does. We can have an apartment. Maybe a cat or something. And we can make some friends, but even if we don't make any friends, I don't care, because you're... you're all I need."

Yusuke's arms wrapped tightly around Ren, pulling him close and hugging him like he was afraid Ren would be taken away from him. It was a valid fear. As soon as they left here, they would have to go back to Madarame's house and pretend they _weren't_ wishing with all their hearts that they could be together. Ren's heart was screaming for him to just take Yusuke's hand and run away, as far as they could go, and hide together so they didn't have to be apart anymore. The rest of him knew that, even though Madarame's house wasn't perfect, it was almost winter and if they had to run away and hide, they wouldn't be safe.

If they _did_ have to go back, though, there was one thing Ren wanted to get off his chest before they did. This research trip had been useful in a lot of ways. Not only had they finally figured out what soul marks were and why everyone in school was in such a panic over them, Ren learned something else too. Or, maybe _learned_ wasn't the right word. Maybe it was more like a realization of something he'd known all along; a situation where his brain just needed a chance to catch up to his heart. It had, though, and now he needed to tell Yusuke.

Ren looked up at Yusuke again, smiled softly, and then leaned close to his ear. "Yusuke?"

"Hm?" Yusuke intoned, before placing a soft kiss to Ren's forehead.

"I love you."

For a second, Yusuke looked utterly stunned, and Ren was afraid that he'd made a mistake. That uncertainty only lasted for a second. The shock in Yusuke's eyes quickly faded and warped into something Ren could only describe as pure, utter _joy_. Yusuke's smile grew even wider, but in spite of that, Ren could see tears playing in the corners of Yusuke's eyes.

"I wasn't trying to upset you, Yusuke... I—"

Yusuke silenced him with a kiss, so deep and intense that it almost knocked Ren off his feet. Yusuke spun them around, so Ren was pinned against the wall and surrounded completely with the warm, pleasant haze that was Yusuke's presence. As soon as he was pinned, Yusuke kissed him again, a brief touch of lips which left Ren hungry for more.

"I love you too, Ren," Yusuke intimated. "I love you with all my heart, and I always will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmmmmm, I wonder if their soul marks will lead to each other! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. XD
> 
> Thanks, as always, to my amazingly wonderful beta [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for making sure this fic is the best it could possibly be! She's the best, y'all!


	9. Portal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _nothing is sacred, and nothing is sure anymore,_  
>  _except all that you are and stand for._  
>  _guide me toward your portal..._  
> [portal](https://open.spotify.com/track/3k5N6jvm2oWOXN6PNYcO9A?si=EVDRMkyUTqCKGUCkBBcxEA) ;; lights  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRedqQIEsh4) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lights/portal.html) }

Yusuke still remembered when his soul mark showed up. On Yusuke's eighteenth birthday, he'd awoken in Ren's room, as had become the habit. It was a challenge, as ever, to untangle himself from Ren's arms, but Yusuke resisted a little more than usual. After sharing a lazy good morning kiss with Ren, and hearing Ren's promise to make him an amazing birthday dinner, Yusuke reluctantly slipped out of Ren's room to prepare for school.

Once he got his school clothes from his room, Yusuke passed Madarame in the hall on his way to the bathroom. Madarame didn't acknowledge Yusuke's existence, let alone the fact that it was Yusuke's birthday. As Yusuke slipped into the bathroom to shower, he found himself wondering if Madarame had forgotten. The last time he'd _truly_ acknowledged it was when Yusuke turned thirteen. Every year since, Madarame had treated it just like any other day. The only acknowledgment he got was from Ren, but Yusuke didn't mind that so much. Ren's acknowledgment was the most important.

The shower was cold, as usual, but Yusuke made it quick. All he needed was enough time to wash his body and his hair, then he stepped out onto the cold tile floor to dry off.

A brief glance out the window told Yusuke that it had snowed last night. It wasn't enough to shut the city down, but the whole neighborhood was covered in a serene sheet of white. It looked like a giant canvas, and Yusuke wanted to paint all over it. He stared out the window as he dried off, imagining that he and Ren were on a private vacation. Maybe they'd gone to the mountains and were spending their time in a cabin, cuddled close to stave off the cold.

The chill wracking Yusuke's body reminded him of where he was, though. Madarame's house didn't have a good heating system. The only room that ever stayed warm was Madarame's bedroom, and that was because he had a personal space heater. At night, Yusuke was never cold because his body was wrapped close to Ren's. During the day, though, was another story entirely. As he stood, naked and dripping wet, the cold house was chilling him to his very core. Yusuke shuddered, stepped away from the window and glanced at his reflection in the mirror.

He was eighteen-years-old now. Legally, he was an adult but he was still stuck in Madarame's house until he graduated high school. Or maybe he wasn't. Maybe he could just... take Ren and leave. It wasn't as though it was _required_ for them to live here like it was when they were younger. Madarame couldn't stop them if they wanted to leave, could he? Sure, Ren was legally still under his care, but...

Yusuke shook his head sharply to dispel the thought. They would leave when Ren turned eighteen. It was right before school ended, so maybe they would just leave school that day, get on the train and never look back. Yusuke had no idea where they would go, but it didn't really matter as long as they were together, did it? There was no point in thinking about it now, and Yusuke knew it full well. Even so, it was a nice fantasy. With a chuckle, Yusuke raised his hand to push his bangs from his face.

That was when he saw it.

There, sitting conspicuously on his ring finger, was a bright red mark which wrapped completely around his finger. Yusuke gasped and turned to look at the mark. Could it possibly be what he thought it was? When had it shown up? Had it been there when he'd woken up? No, something this bright would have caught his attention, wouldn't it? He lifted his hand and took a closer look at it. It was bright crimson, the very shade of red that Yusuke knew Ren claimed as his favorite color. Yusuke tried to think back to what they'd read about soul marks several months ago. The colors were only bright when a person was _near_ their soulmate, and they got brighter and clearer the closer they were.

It wasn't concrete evidence, but for Yusuke, it was enough to make him hopeful. While he'd meant what he said, and he wouldn't have cared what some stupid mark on his finger said... it would make his heart soar to know that Ren was his soulmate.

Upon closer examination, Yusuke spotted a vague pattern in the mark. It looked like there were several lines spanning across the circle. Sheet music! He'd seen enough sheet music to know exactly what it looked like. Even though the lines were faint, Yusuke could tell that it _was_ sheet music. It was bright red, and littered with music notes that Yusuke couldn't even begin to understand. It didn't matter. A soul mark this bright, covered in red sheet music could only possibly mean one person.

A wide smile broke out on Yusuke's face. He _had_ to tell Ren. He dressed quickly, and rushed out the door. As he ran down the hall, he never took his eyes off his finger. The closer he got to the stairs, the brighter the red became. The moment he started down the stairs, the sheet music lines became more pronounced. As soon as his foot touched the kitchen floor, the notes became twice as clear. Yusuke didn't know how to read music, but he _did_ know that the closer he got to Ren, the brighter and clearer the soul mark became.

Ren was Yusuke's soul mate. If there had ever been any doubt in his mind, it was gone now.

It was _impossible_ to keep his cool through breakfast, and Madarame probably suspected _something_ , if the way he looked between Ren and Yusuke was any indication. He never asked. Instead, he droned on and on about the exhibition he'd signed them up for, but Yusuke was only paying half-attention. His eyes were locked on his hand, as the sheet music on his finger glowed brightly. He remembered the words in the article they'd read.

'When your soulmate loves you back, your soul mark will almost look like it's glowing.'

Sure, Yusuke _knew_ Ren loved him back. They said it all the time. When they held each other in bed at night, they told each other how in love they were and how lucky they were to have each other. Now, though, it was different. The worry that Yusuke's soul mark would lead him somewhere different was completely thrown out the window. Ren was his soulmate, and there was no one else in the whole world for him. Once they finished breakfast, Yusuke flashed Ren an urgent look. He didn't dare speak. He didn't want to give Madarame any hint as to what was going on, but he _did_ want Ren to hurry out the door so he could share the amazing news.

They left the house, and Yusuke took Ren's hand. They ran down the street together with Ren trailing along behind Yusuke.

"Yusuke, the train station is that way," Ren pointed out through a gentle puff of laughter.

Yusuke nodded, but tugged a little harder on Ren's arm. "I know that," he answered, "but we can catch the next train."

Ren didn't protest any further, and Yusuke pulled him into an alley between two apartment buildings. When he was finally sure they were alone, he released Ren's hand and lifted his own in the air. "It came," he announced, pointing to his ring finger.

The way Ren's eyes shot open said more than words. He rushed forward and grabbed Yusuke's hand, examining it closely. Yusuke couldn't help but laugh. Ren knew that there was no chance he'd be able to see the mark. The article had mentioned how only the owner of the soul mark could see it. That didn't stop him from his desperate examination, though.

"It did?" Ren asked, unsuccessfully trying to mask the worry in his voice.

Yusuke nodded. "I know you can't see it, but it's there," he promised Ren.

Ren's face was nervous and tentative, and Yusuke could tell that he was just barely holding back a million questions. It was a miracle that only one of those questions managed to escape. "I-is it..." he trailed off and bit his lip as he looked down at the ground.

In a swift motion, Yusuke pulled his hand from Ren's two and placed it on Ren's cheek. "It's bright red," he murmured, stroking his thumb along Ren's cheek. "And it has sheet music on it. I'll have to draw you the pattern to show you what it looks like. But right now? Ren, it's positively glowing. I wish you could see exactly how bright it is."

"So, I'm... I'm your—"

Yusuke silenced Ren with a kiss, slow and tender, and so powerful that he could feel it from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. When they finally broke for air, Yusuke brushed Ren's bangs from his eyes and nodded. "You're my soulmate, Ren Amamiya. You are my person, and I am absolutely over the moon about that fact," he whispered.

The smile on Ren's face at that moment was so bright that the sun itself wept with jealousy. He threw his arms around Yusuke and hugged him tightly, burying his face in Yusuke's chest. "I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you, too," Yusuke returned, letting his eyes flutter closed and relaxing into Ren's embrace.

They stood there for a long time. Too long, perhaps. Yusuke was reasonably sure that they'd missed at least two trains by the time they finally eased out of their embrace. The second Ren's arms dropped to his sides, Yusuke immediately lamented the loss of contact and wanted it back. He took a brief glance at his watch and frowned. Even if they caught the next train, there was absolutely no chance they would make it to school on time. When he glanced back at Ren, there was a mischievous glint in those gray-blue eyes. Whenever that glint appeared, Ren always came up with the most brilliant ideas, and Yusuke couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking at the moment.

"Let's skip school," Ren whispered. "Let's do something together for your birthday."

Yusuke's brows shot practically to his hairline. Skip school? It wasn't the first time the thought had crossed his mind. In fact, every day for the past three years, he'd wanted to pull Ren away from the train station and run off to spend the day alone together. However, wishing it and doing it were entirely different things.

Ren shrugged. "We can go somewhere fun. Walk around a smaller part of the city where no one knows who we are and just... be together," he murmured.

Be together. Yusuke had to admit, he wasn't sure about the idea until Ren said those words. It was exactly the reason he'd always considered it himself. _Being_ together. They spent eighteen years being forced apart for one reason or another. Was it so unreasonable to want just one day—a day which was supposed to be about celebrating Yusuke—to _be_ together? Yusuke allowed those feelings, those desires to take hold. It was fitting. Today was the day he'd discovered he was right all along, and that Ren really _was_ his soulmate. What better way to spend it than _with_ Ren.

"Where will we go?" Yusuke asked as he laced their fingers together.

Ren shrugged. "I think that's up to you. It's your birthday. Why don't you decide which stop we get off at?"

They walked back to the train station in silence, and Yusuke decided they would ride the train to Yongen-Jaya. It wasn't exactly far from Shibuya, but it was far enough where no one would know who they were. The train ride was nice, too. There were no other students in their train car, since most of them had already started school by then. They were surrounded by business people, and people who didn't know who they were. The freedom not to have to look over their shoulder and worry about who was watching them was unlike anything Yusuke had ever experienced before.

It made him yearn for the moment when they were finally free.

Once they stepped off the train, Yusuke looked around the station and hummed quietly to himself. This truly was a quieter part of Tokyo. There were still people, of course, but there were far fewer here. It was liberating, and Yusuke fearlessly gripped Ren's hand as they stepped out of the station. The area they were in was busy, but everyone seemed to be minding their own business. No one paid Ren or Yusuke any mind whatsoever, or seemed to think it unusual for a pair of teenage boys to be out during school hours. No one even seemed to notice or care that they were holding hands in public, either.

As they traveled the unfamiliar streets, Yusuke glanced down at their entwined hands and smiled. Now, even when they were forced apart, he would think of Ren every time he saw the red on his finger. In the back of his mind, he wondered what Ren's soul mark would look like when it came in. If Yusuke's was music, would Ren's be some form of paint? Would it be blue? Yusuke lifted Ren's hand as they walked and examined it.

"What are you doing?" Ren asked, laughing softly.

Yusuke hummed to himself. "I'm trying to imagine what a soul mark would look like on your finger. I have to admit, I'm curious as to what a soul mark leading to _me_ would be," he mused.

Ren laughed warmly. He pulled Yusuke's hand to his lips and placed a soft, gentle kiss on Yusuke's knuckles. "Whatever it is, it's... going to have to be beautiful, to be worthy of you." Red dusted his cheeks as he looked up at Yusuke.

A shrill wind blew down the street, and Yusuke shuddered against his volition. If he'd known they were going to spend this much time outside, he probably would have ensured they wore warmer coats. Ren walked a little closer to Yusuke, and they shared body warmth as they continued down the unfamiliar Yongen-Jaya street.

"Do you want to see a movie?" Ren suggested, pointing at the movie theater down the road. "I brought some extra money with me because I was planning on buying you a birthday present on our way home from school, but... maybe we could get lunch and a movie instead. We could go on a date."

Yusuke hummed thoughtfully. "A date..."

Ren nodded. "As long as we've been together, we've never been on an actual date before," he frowned. "Seems sorta unfair, doesn't it?"

"Well, our circumstance is hardly normal, Ren," Yusuke reminded him with a bitter laugh.

"All the more reason to take some normal back, don't you think?" Ren asked, gently tugging Yusuke toward the movie theater.

It seemed like Ren wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer, but that was fine. Yusuke didn't really want to _tell_ him no, either. "And I suppose you will refuse if I try to pay my own way?" he asked.

Ren nodded. "Damn right I will," he grinned. "It's not a real birthday present if you have to pay for it."

Without complaint, Yusuke allowed Ren to pull him toward the movie theater and looked up at the building in wonder. It occurred to Yusuke right then, that he was eighteen years old and this was his first time going into a movie theater. As intimidating as the thought was, Yusuke couldn't help but feel excited. In the reflection of the door, Yusuke was amused to find a similar mix of emotions on Ren's face. Most people probably thought of seeing a movie as mundane, but this was a whole new world for them. As such, when they got inside the theater, Yusuke almost felt himself going into sensory overload.

There was so much to see! Posters displaying the different films they were playing, a stand for tickets and a counter for snacks... Yusuke could even see a line of arcade games lining a wall on the opposite side of the room. He turned to Ren, who looked similarly amazed, and squeezed his hand.

"It looks like the only movie we're in time for is one from... 1996. Romeo and Juliet?" Ren asked, his eyebrow arched.

Yusuke shrugged. "I don't mind Shakespeare," he mused. "This seems slightly more like the films we watched when Madarame was away than a play, but..."

Ren shrugged. "Can't hurt to try it out, right?"

With their film decided, Ren bought them tickets and some popcorn to split. They found their viewing room, and much to Yusuke's surprise, were the only two people inside. It was still early in the morning, so Yusuke supposed most people were at school or work. It made being in the theater alone with Ren feel all the more special. Yusuke almost felt as though Ren had reserved the whole room just for them. They took seats in the middle of the back row, and despite not having any idea what they were going to watch, Yusuke felt _excited_ about the film. Ren had somehow managed to make Yusuke's birthday feel special.

Despite the movie being, quite possibly, the worst adaptation of Shakespeare that Yusuke had ever seen... the experience was fun. It was different than it was at Madarame's house. They didn't have to worry about being caught together, and they were allowed to simply enjoy one another's presence. Yusuke wasn't afraid of Madarame barging in, nor was he worried about Youta finding them and ruining their time together. They could be themselves. With that freedom in mind, Ren and Yusuke spent the better part of the movie making fun of the acting and how the filmmakers somehow managed to make the already contrived plot even more so.

However, even with the terrible acting and the ludicrous changes to the plot, Yusuke realized one very important thing. Romeo and Juliet were forced apart by circumstances beyond their control and inevitably met an exceedingly tragic fate. Yusuke loved Ren with all his heart, and he swore, with every fiber of his being, that they would _not_ end the same way. No matter what the world threw at them, they would find a way to be together in the end. They would find a way to be happy.

"Hey... are you okay?"

Ren's voice caught Yusuke by surprise, and he bit his lip. "Yes. Yes, I'm okay. I simply... I understand Romeo and Juliet considerably better than I thought I would," he admitted. "The world wants to keep them apart and they have to fight for even a moment alone together. It sounds strikingly familiar, doesn't it?"

With a bitter laugh, Ren nodded. "Yeah. Everything stacks up against them. It's gotta make it hard for Juliet to love Romeo..." he murmured, casting Yusuke a meaningful look.

"It doesn't," Yusuke answered quickly. "Juliet's love is true and pure. Look at how she looks at him, how happy she is when she's with him. She's... she's even willing to die for Romeo."

Any amusement faded from Ren's expression. "Romeo doesn't want her to die, though. Romeo just wants to be with her. To hold her every night and kiss her whenever he wants. He doesn't want to let the world get in the way of their love. He loves her, and it's by far the easiest thing he's ever done in his life..." By the time he finished speaking, his voice was quiet, solemn.

"Never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo..." Yusuke murmured under his breath.

As the credits began to roll, Yusuke turned to glance at Ren, who looked like he was getting ready to stand up. Before he got the chance, Yusuke leaned in close and captured Ren's lips in a desperate kiss. At first, Ren looked surprised, but he relaxed quickly and kissed Yusuke back.

When they broke for air, Ren flashed Yusuke a lopsided grin. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"

"I was simply... reminding us both that, no matter what, we will not end up the way Romeo and Juliet did," Yusuke whispered, before tracing his fingers down Ren's jaw. "We will be free like this all the time, and we _will_ be happy. No matter what. I promise."

Ren nodded. "Yeah, we will. Soon, too. Only a few more months until graduation," he pointed out, running his thumb along Yusuke's lower lip.

"It can't come soon enough," Yusuke murmured.

Laughing bitterly, Ren stole another quick kiss and then stood up. "C'mon. I don't know about you, but half a small popcorn is _not_ enough food for me. I'm pretty sure there are a couple of restaurants around here, so... birthday lunch sound good to you?"

Yusuke lifted his hand to take Ren's, and his eye was immediately drawn to the bright red soul mark on his finger. His smile became a lot more genuine, then. No matter where they were, Ren was his soulmate, and there was absolutely no chance the world could tear them apart.

"Ren, my love, anywhere you are sounds positively divine to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first of the soul marks is heeeeeere! Bet you guys thought I was gonna do a bait and switch, but NOPE.
> 
> Thanks, as ever, to [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for being amazing and reading this over for me! She kept me on track and made sure I managed to finish this fic, guys! ♥


	10. Last Train Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _and if you wait for me,_  
>  _i'll be the light in the dark when you lose your way._  
>  _and if you wait for me,_  
>  _i'll be your voice when you don't know what to say._  
> [last train home](https://open.spotify.com/track/6QPN8Q4YYTQF6vxIupU4un?si=tEDrqE08QZ6dnBe7h7Is-g) ;; ryan star  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HoDRbZvOcM) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ryanstar/lasttrainhome.html) }

It was a little strange, the way the little cafe in Yongen-Jaya felt more like home than Madarame's house. They'd been inside for no more than a few seconds, but as he looked around, he couldn't help but smile to himself. It was warm in here—much warmer than Madarame usually kept it—and the air was filled with the pleasant scent of coffee and curry. Yusuke seemed similarly pleased as he took in the décor.

Despite his comfort, Yusuke still clung tightly to Ren's arm like he did whenever they entered a new building for the first time. Ren understood. The life they lived left them feeling fearful of new people and new places. Most of the time, new people and new places led to cruel taunts and more people to shy away from. Because of that, though they were cautiously optimistic about the new environment, there was still a level of nervousness there. Fortunately, the tension was eased a little by the fact that the cafe was empty aside from them. In fact, the only person Ren could see was a middle-aged man sitting at the counter.

The man slowly turned to look at them and Ren tensed further. He didn't say anything at first. His face was a little bit strange, almost like he'd seen a ghost. Ren tensed even _further_ when he came to the realization that the man was looking directly his way. Subconsciously, Ren found himself taking a step backward and tugging Yusuke with him.

"Ren?" Yusuke whispered.

Ren swallowed nervously and hesitantly tore his eyes from the man. "I'm... I'm fine, I just..." he trailed off, not wanting to alarm Yusuke when it seemed like he was comfortable.

When Ren turned to look back at the man, it seemed like the shock on his face had faded. He'd stood since Ren looked away, and was currently making his way behind the counter. The man was tall, with dark, slicked-back hair and a small patch of hair on his chin. He wore a pink shirt and white pants, and once he took his place at the register, he looked at Ren and Yusuke over the rims of his glasses. "Welcome to Leblanc," he told them, his voice low, but cordial. "What can I get you two today?"

The weird feeling still hadn't subsided, and a tiny piece of Ren wanted to grab Yusuke's hand and run for the door. Ren didn't let the fear win. Instead, he pushed past it and led Yusuke to the counter. As they walked, Ren couldn't help but notice that the man was still watching him closely. In the back of Ren's mind, he worried that it was because their arms were linked so closely, and they were leaning so heavily on one another. If that was it, he hadn't made a comment, nor had he kicked them out yet. Most of the time, when people were offended by their closeness, they didn't hesitate to say so.

"I believe I will have the mild chicken curry and a medium hot caramel latte," Yusuke answered, completely oblivious to the scrutinizing gaze the man was giving Ren.

Much to Ren's surprise, the man smiled and nodded at Yusuke. "Good choice. What about you?" he asked as he turned back toward Ren. His gaze was scrutinizing again. It wasn't harsh scrutiny, like the type Ren was used to from Madarame, but it was almost appraising—like he was trying to figure something out.

It made Ren feel a little awkward as he finally turned and looked up at the menu. "U-um... spicy pork curry with extra sauce... and a large hazelnut coffee with three cream and two sugar?" he murmured, before turning to look at the man.

"Hm. That order sounds familiar. You've got similar taste to an old friend of mine," the man told Ren as he wrote the orders down.

Ren couldn't help but notice that he hadn't started ringing them up. Instead, he turned around and headed for the kitchen without a word. Ren turned to look at Yusuke, who looked just as confused, then turned to look behind the counter at the man. "Uh... were you gonna ring us up, so we can go take our seat and—"

"It's on me," the man told them from behind the counter. "Don't worry about it."

Yusuke seemed completely oblivious to the awkward atmosphere between Ren and the man behind the counter. He smiled and ducked his head in gratitude. "That's incredibly generous of you," he mused.

Ren nodded. "Yeah. Uh... why, though?" he asked.

The man simply shrugged as he started putting their drinks together. "When I was your age, I didn't look gift horses in the mouth," he answered with a grin, but then glanced at Ren over his shoulder. "Then again, I was pretty curious, too, so I can't say I blame you. You look like someone I know. Or, someone I used to know, anyway. Haven't seen her in a long time. Call it an old man's nostalgia."

"Someone you used to know?" Maybe it _was_ rude, but Ren couldn't help but push a little. He was curious. This someone he used to know must've been pretty important if he was willing to offer Ren and Yusuke free food over them.

With a nod, the man slid two cups of coffee across the counter. "An old culinary school friend of mine. Haven't seen her in... years, though."

Ren glanced at his coffee cup, then sat down at one of the bar stools. He turned his gaze back up toward the man and shook his head. "I don't think I know anyone who's gone to culinary school. I cook myself, but I had a private tutor, and—"

The man laughed. "No, this was... years ago. Probably before you were born. You're, what... seventeen?" he asked.

"Ren is seventeen, yes," Yusuke answered for him, before taking a tentative sip of his own coffee and taking Ren's hand below the counter, where the man couldn't see.

Chuckling, the man nodded. "Yeah, it was years before you were born. I think _I_ was about two years older than you are now," he explained. "She was my age, too. Pretty sure she was the youngest in my class. A firecracker of a lady, with the same curly hair you have and the same shape and color to her eyes. Glasses, too, just like you. We became fast friends."

"She really looked that similar to Ren?" Yusuke asked.

The man stopped mid-stir, and his posture tensed. He stayed frozen for several seconds, before turning and casting Ren another appraising glance. "She did. Pretty uncanny, actually. Looked like what he'd probably look like as a girl," he explained.

Ren went quiet and contemplative. A woman who looked similar to Ren, and was this man's age? It couldn't be, could it? Ren had gone his whole life without any kind of information about his mother, who she was, and what she was like. It wasn't possible for him to have just _chanced_ upon someone who had been friends with her, was it? He lifted his eyes again and looked at the man again.

"What's your name, kid?" the man asked.

A small piece of Ren was still resisting. He wasn't sure if he could trust this man at all. Who was he, other than a random guy working at a coffee shop they'd just _happened_ to stop at for Yusuke's birthday? What if he only wanted to know Ren's name to report them to the authorities for skipping school? So many doubts and worries swirled through his mind and teamed up to convince him that he absolutely _shouldn't_ tell this man his name. Giving his name was nothing but another way for the world to betray him.

In the end, it didn't matter. In a level tone, the man answered his own question. "If I had to guess, I would say your name is Ren Amamiya, and you're Hanako Amamiya's son," he said, "which would make you Sayuri Kitagawa's boy, Yusuke."

The cafe was so quiet that a dropping pin would have sounded like a crashing thunderstorm. Ren and Yusuke stared at him blankly, their drinks completely forgotten. This stranger knew who Ren's mother was? The only thing Ren had to remember his mother by was her name and the vague memory of a song she used to sing to him. This man knew what she looked like, and seemed to know both Ren and Yusuke by name? It seemed impossible. After fourteen years without any clue whatsoever about where he came from and why he was the way he was, they'd somehow managed to stumble upon a man who could tell them?

"You knew my mother, too?" Yusuke finally broke the silence, his voice a breathless whisper.

The man nodded. "Yeah. Nowhere near as well as I knew Hanako, but we actually met through Hanako," he explained. "Name's Sojiro Sakura, by the way. But you two call me Sojiro."

Though Yusuke seemed to have come to grips with the situation quickly, Ren was struggling. So, this Sojiro was friends with his mother back when she was younger? He was friends with her before Ren was born? Ren stared down into his coffee cup for a few seconds, trying to conjure up _some_ kind of image of his mother, but when he couldn't he glanced back at Sojiro. "You were friends with my mother?" he finally asked.

"We were friends in college, yeah," Sojiro mused with a fond chuckle. "Same major, most of the same classes, and then we took cooking classes together on the weekend. We were close, but I don't think I was anywhere near as close to her as Sayuri was. _Those_ two were best friends."

Ren wanted to smile. He wanted to look at this whole thing like a blessing, but to him, it was a bitter reminder that so many people in the world remembered her better than he did. "I don't... remember her."

"Neither of us do," Yusuke added somberly.

Sojiro went solemn and shook his head as he tended the curry pot. "No, I can't imagine either of you would. You were pretty young. You were about three when she died, I think. Maybe closer to four. I know _you_ were four," he reasoned, shifting his attention to Yusuke for a second and trying to smile.

It went silent again. It seemed like none of them had any desire to talk about Hanako or Sayuri's deaths. This time, Ren couldn't figure out how to break the silence. He flicked his eyes up and glanced at Sojiro, who was diligently stirring the curry pot and seemingly trying to fight back a wave of emotion. For so many years, Ren had wondered things about his mother, things that Madarame wouldn't answer and would yell at him for asking. Now, here he was, face to face with someone who could answer the questions for him but he couldn't even figure out where to begin. All of his questions escaped him.

Yusuke squeezed his hand and flashed him a sad smile, before turning his gaze back to Sojiro. "What was Ren's mother like when she was younger?"

Sojiro laughed. "Hanako? Oh hell. She was... a real spitfire. A free spirit. Way too much for anyone to handle. Sometimes I swear she couldn't even handle herself, but she always managed to keep a level head no matter what the world threw at her. She had a really kind heart, though. She was warm and friendly and she would put everyone else in the world before herself," he mused.

"That sounds... strikingly familiar," Yusuke murmured fondly, squeezing Ren's hand gently.

With a smirk, Sojiro turned to look at Yusuke. "She took really good care of Sayuri. They were best friends, and Hanako protected Sayuri from anyone or anything that dared to try and hurt her," he mumbled sadly as he scooped some curry on top of a large helping of rice. "I don't think I've ever seen a pair of friends as close as they were."

Ren cast a glance at Yusuke, and he managed to find a genuine smile beneath his solemness. "That sounds familiar, too."

"Once Daichi passed—" As soon as Sojiro mentioned Yusuke's father, Yusuke's interest piqued all the more— "Hanako started focusing her energy more and more on protecting Sayuri. They found out they were pregnant a couple of months apart, and made all kinds of promises to each other. They promised that their kids would grow up to be best friends. They even joked that they'd fall in love and that their soul marks would lead to each other."

Ren and Yusuke _both_ laughed, and simultaneously squeezed one another's hands under the table. "You don't say," Ren muttered.

A knowing grin crossed Sojiro's face. "You don't have to hide it from me, you two," he countered as he placed their plates in front of them. He pointed around the counter to where Ren and Yusuke's hands were joined. "I can tell by the angle of your arms that you're holding hands where I can't see, and I'm not gonna say anything."

Heat rose to Ren's cheeks, and he cast Yusuke a sidelong glance. "We weren't trying to..."

"I know, but you're gonna need those hands to eat curry," Sojiro continued, beckoning for them to pull their hands up.

Slowly and sheepishly, Ren untangled their fingers and pulled his hand up. Yusuke's face was bright red and he slowly followed suit. As soon as their hands were in view, Ren turned his eyes toward Sojiro. "We're... we're used to having to hide it. It's not like most of the world is okay with, y'know... us, being us. Other people at school spread rumors, and... we just have to hide everywhere we go."

"Not here," Sojiro stated simply.

A smile spread across Yusuke's face and he reached for a fork. "That is... very good to know, Sakura-san," he answered.

Sojiro shook his head. "I told you to call me Sojiro," he reminded Yusuke, before turning his gaze down to Yusuke's left hand. "So... Ren's only seventeen, so he wouldn't know yet. You... you're older, right? Are you eighteen yet?"

"Yes, today," Yusuke answered, glancing briefly down at his own finger. "I do have my soul mark, and yes, it does lead to Ren. It's composed of sheet music, and it's the most vibrant shade of scarlet red I have ever laid eyes upon."

Before Sojiro answered, he turned his back. Ren watched as he took his glasses off and lifted his hand to wipe his eyes. "Good. That would make Sayuri and Hanako happy. All the time I spent listening to those two telling each other how much they hoped their babies grew up to be soulmates, it'd be a crime if you weren't," he mused, then cleared his throat. "You guys eat. Maybe I'll make myself some coffee and curry and join you. Tell you some stories about your moms. If you want."

Ren blinked and smiled, nodding eagerly as he dug into his curry. "Yeah, please! We... don't know a lot about them and we've always wondered," he explained, before shoveling some curry onto his fork and taking his first bite.

It was strange. Ren was positive that he'd never been here before, at least not that he could remember. Something about the taste of the curry made it feel like home, though. As soon as the taste hit his tongue, he felt an overwhelming wave of familiarity. The curry was delicious, and Ren enjoyed it, but it also brought him comfort in a way he'd never heard of food bringing comfort before. He stared at it for a moment, before smiling and taking another bite. He cast a sidelong glance at Yusuke, and laughed to himself when he realized that Yusuke was already halfway through his plate. It made sense. This was twice the portion they usually got at Madarame's house.

As they ate, Sojiro regaled them with stories about their mothers and how close they were. He told Ren and Yusuke how unshakable their friendship was, and about how loved Ren and Yusuke were as babies. The mention of how loved they'd been was bittersweet to Ren. As babies, they'd been loved. Ever since, however, the only love they ever really got was from each other. He stared at the table and idly picked at the last remnants of his curry.

"I don't remember much about my mother," Yusuke admitted. "The only true good constant I have had in my life is Ren."

Ren smiled wistfully at Yusuke, then turned to look at Sojiro. "Yeah. We remember little things now and then, but I think they're mostly subconscious. Like, I remember lullabies she used to sing to me and sometimes I'll swear I can remember what her voice sounded like, but... like Yusuke said, the only _good_ thing that's always been around is him," he told Sojiro.

Sojiro stared at them quietly, then looked down at the ground. "Well, if you guys ever need a place to get away? Somewhere you can just spend a few hours away from whoever it is that's making you feel so alone? You can come back here. I'll have a free plate of curry and a cup of coffee waiting for you, how about that?" he offered.

"That is an incredibly generous offer, and we'd be more than happy to take you up on it. We've spent quite a while searching for a place we can be ourselves. Thank you, Sojiro," Yusuke replied.

As happy as Ren was—and he really _was_ , especially since this conversation with Sojiro was the most he'd ever really learned about his mother in his entire life—he suddenly remembered that they really only had a limited time to be here. It was near noon when they got to the cafe after watching their movie, and they'd already spent a couple of hours here while they ate and talked. In Ren's heart, he really didn't want to leave, but he knew if they got home too far after school let out, Madarame would be furious. Ren glanced at the clock on the wall, and then at Yusuke, who seemed so happy.

This wasn't the first time he'd wished they could stay outside of Madarame's walls forever. Yusuke looked so happy here, so at peace, and now Ren had to shatter that happiness. Technically, Yusuke could get away with staying, because he was eighteen now and wasn't legally under Madarame's care. Ren, on the other hand, couldn't.

Part of him wanted to slip out the door undetected, and leave Yusuke where he could be safe and happy. The rest of him knew he didn't _really_ want that... and neither did Yusuke.

So, through all his hesitation, Ren turned to look at Yusuke. "Hey. We should... we probably have to head back now."

Yusuke glanced at the clock and his eyes shot wide open. "Oh. Y-yes we should. It seems we lost track of time while we partook in your delectable curry, Sojiro," he added, forcing a smile as he glanced over the counter at Sojiro.

"Hey, that's alright. Just remember, any time you wanna come by, you have a plate of free curry and all the coffee you can drink, okay? You're safe, as long as you're here."

Ren smiled. "We won't forget, don't worry. Thanks! We already feel way more comfortable here than we do with Madarame, so..." he trailed off with a soft laugh.

There was an odd look on Sojiro's face when Ren mentioned Madarame. It almost looked like he was surprised and angry, for some reason. It was surprising, and Ren was curious, but they didn't have time to ask about it. With the after-school crowd at the train station, they would likely already be cutting it close. Without prompting, Ren and Yusuke slid their hands together. As the warm tingle he got from touching Yusuke spread through his fingertips, he smiled and took another glance around the cafe. As much as he wanted to say a proper goodbye, or maybe even spend a little more time there, Madarame's reaction was a very real fear.

As they rushed for the door, Yusuke thanked Sojiro for his kindness once more. Then, the pair of them hurried to the train station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now the boys know more about their parents, and they have a safe place to go and be themselves! :D
> 
> Thanks to [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations), as ever, for keeping me on track and helping me finish this fic! Only four chapters left! :o We're getting close to the end here! ♥


	11. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _oh, don't stop, don't stop,_  
>  _we'll never get closer._  
>  _roll down, roll down..._  
>  _shoulder to shoulder._  
> [run](https://open.spotify.com/track/6szw2Y2ywtth0oc7ODN3Tz?si=LRBky5qtTcugRe2oG5gU1A) ;; coin  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpvUoCL001Q) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/coin/run.html) }

Ren's eighteenth birthday came on a Saturday. His soul mark didn't appear until six at night, right after dinner finished, which completely stole away any chance he and Yusuke had to talk about it until later that night.

At the moment, Ren was supposed to be practicing his violin for a recital next week, but he couldn't focus for the life of him. He held his hand out in front of him and tilted his head in an attempt to figure out exactly what the mark was supposed to be. It was blurred, but he could still make out the basic details. It looked like paintbrush strokes; like Yusuke had taken one of his brushes and circled Ren's finger with a blue the same shade as Yusuke's hair. The blue was vibrant, and almost seemed to glow on his finger. If nothing else, it was more than enough to tell him that his soul mark led right back to Yusuke.

Suddenly, it became twice as difficult to stay in his room. Part of him wished it could have appeared later, when Yusuke was in his room for the night. If it had, they could've discussed it while it was fresh, and Ren wouldn't have had to spend the rest of his evening wondering what the full picture looked like. Ren sighed and glanced out the window. The rain was coming down in buckets, and the low rumble of thunder in the distance caught his attention, telling him spring was in full swing now.

Spring was nice and all, but it had still been a rainy birthday, the majority of which was spent in his room alone. If that wasn't a perfect metaphor for what Ren's life was without Yusuke, he didn't know what was.

Despite the rain, Ren approached his window and opened it. A few raindrops splashed from his windowsill and he couldn't help but smile. He didn't _really_ mind the rain that much. It was being alone that bothered him, as well as knowing that he had his soul mark but being unable to share it with Yusuke. He glanced down at the blue mark again and let his smile grow. Later, things would be better. When Madarame went to sleep, Yusuke would show up and they would spend a few hours talking in hushed whispers in bed. Then, he'd get to sleep with Yusuke in his arms and just... be happy for a while.

That, he decided, was when his real birthday began. This lonely time wasn't it.

Ren crossed the room and picked his guitar up. Lately, he'd wanted to play guitar much more than any of his other instruments, and he couldn't really figure out why. He strummed a chord, careful to keep his volume low so Madarame wouldn't hear him and come in to stop him. Ever since he'd heard the song on the radio at Sojiro's place, Ren hadn't been able to get it out of his head, and he'd taken whatever alone time he could find to learn it. It was old. Probably from back when Sojiro was Ren's age, if the old man's enjoyment of it was any indication, but it sounded nice. A lot better than most of the boring stuff Madarame made him practice.

 _"Feels like I'm standing in a timeless dream of light mists of pale amber rose. Feels like I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent, touching, discovering you..."_ Ren mouthed as he practiced the chords.

Practicing without strumming and singing the lyrics in his head wasn't really enough to get it out of his system. He wanted to play it for real. In his frustration, he sighed and set his guitar back in his case. He was eighteen today. He and Yusuke didn't have to be here anymore. They were adults, and there was nothing holding them back. Maybe tonight, when Yusuke showed up in his room, he'd bring up the idea of leaving. There was no doubt in Ren's mind that they would have to do it without Madarame's permission. Madarame would never _let_ them go.

What was stopping them, though? One night, when Madarame was sleeping, they could pack their things and sneak out the door. They would be long gone before Madarame ever noticed they were missing. They could go to Leblanc, and then figure out where they were supposed to go from there. Sojiro would help them, Ren was sure of it. The more he thought of it, the more he wanted to leave _tonight_ , or even right that instant. The only thing keeping him from running down the hall, taking Yusuke's hand, and leaving, was the very real possibility that Madarame was in the room with him.

Tonight. He would talk with Yusuke about it tonight. He knew Yusuke felt the same as he did. Yusuke didn't like it here and he didn't want to be here. There was no doubt in Ren's mind that he'd want to go.

Ren's racing thoughts made the time feel like it was going even slower. Every minute felt like an eternity as he waited for Madarame to do his nightly rounds. When Madarame showed up, Ren played the part of the dutiful student. He went back to playing his violin, giving his hundredth repetition of the boring song Madarame wanted him to learn. Sure enough, halfway through, his door slid open and Madarame appeared. When he noticed Madarame watching him, seemingly _searching_ for mistakes, Ren's posture straightened. Madarame's presence never made him mess up and he wasn't about to let it start now.

When Ren finished playing, Madarame went silent, then hummed and said, "Will wonders never cease. Almost passable, Amamiya. Continue down that road, and perhaps you _won't_ be as miserable a failure as your mother was."

Tension rippled its way through Ren's muscles the instant Madarame mentioned his mother. It took as much effort as he could muster, and the reminder that he wouldn't have to deal with it for much longer, to keep Ren's tone level when he answered. "Thank you, Madarame-sensei," he replied through gritted teeth.

"You will stop now. I'm going to bed, and I will be out of town tomorrow. You are to bring all of Yusuke's meals to his room, because for some reason, he's made absolutely no progress on our submission to the new gallery." Madarame glanced down the hall toward Yusuke's room and made a frustrated face. "Do you have any idea what could be bothering him? I've noticed a drastic productivity decrease lately."

The whole situation was a test of Ren's will. He wanted to snap and tell Madarame _exactly_ what was causing Yusuke so much trouble. Madarame's demands were never satisfied, and it _had_ to be weighing on Yusuke, especially when Madarame's insisted on taking credit for all of his most successful paintings. Some nights, while they lay snuggled together in Ren's bed, Yusuke told Ren how desperately he wanted to work on his _own_ ideas. It took a lot of convincing, but Ren eventually managed to persuade Yusuke to do just that. So long as he managed to meet Madarame's demands, there should have been no issue with him working on something for himself, too.

Of course, there was absolutely no chance that Ren would tell Madarame any of that. Shaking his head, Ren simply answered, "No, Madarame-sensei. I don't know. Perhaps he's just tired."

Madarame dismissed the concept with a shake of his head and an annoyed grunt. "I have no idea why I even asked you. Someone like you has no idea about the inner workings of a true artist's mind. Especially not one such as Yusuke," he snapped. "Keep silent, Amamiya. Yusuke will be working through the night to make up for lost time. I expect you not to disturb him while he works."

It was almost enough to make Ren laugh. As always, he managed to keep his face level. "Yes, Madarame-sensei. Sleep well," he replied, keeping his voice polite.

Once the door closed, Ren tightened his fist around his bow and the neck of his violin. Anger rippled through him, but the second he glanced down at his soul mark, he calmed slightly. Tonight. Tonight, he would tell Yusuke about his soul mark, and they would talk about leaving. Ren took a couple of steps toward the door, toward Yusuke's room, and he relaxed a little as the image in his soul mark got a little clearer. It was a painting, that much he could tell. A painting in Yusuke's style, with his usual brush strokes and color pattern. Ren didn't know much about painting, beyond what Yusuke had told him, but he could _definitely_ pick one of Yusuke's paintings out if he needed to.

Ren spent the entire hour he waited for Yusuke examining the soul mark closer. In fact, it was the soul mark which told him Yusuke was on the way before he heard Yusuke's approach. Suddenly, the colors became more vivid and vibrant, and the image grew in clarity. Ren pulled in a sharp breath, and he turned toward the door. When he heard Yusuke's footsteps approaching, he was on his feet and at the door in an instant.

Before Yusuke even got the chance to knock, Ren pulled the door open.

Sure enough, there stood Yusuke, with surprise in his eyes and a small painting portfolio in his hand. The second he laid eyes on Ren, he smiled. No words were exchanged... both because they didn't need to be, and because they were afraid of Madarame catching them. Ren stepped aside and let Yusuke into his room, then quietly closed the door behind them.

Ren didn't even get a chance to turn around. He felt Yusuke's arms circle his middle and the warmth of Yusuke's lips against the back of his neck. "Happy birthday, my love," he whispered against Ren's skin.

"Thanks," Ren murmured in reply. It was funny. Ren had a lot he wanted to say, but with Yusuke's lips against his skin and Yusuke's hands on his stomach, it was hard to focus on them. Despite the warmth flooding his body, Ren _tried_ to keep his focus on the task at hand. "It... it's here. My soul mark, I mean."

Yusuke only stopped kissing him for the briefest moment, to breathe softly against the back of his neck. "It is?" he asked, before tilting his head and pressing his lips to the crook where Ren's neck met his shoulder.

Ren hummed, then turned in Yusuke's arms so they were eye to eye. Or, as eye to eye as they _could_ be with Yusuke's lips still lavishing attention to his neck. No matter how distracting it was, Ren didn't complain. "Yeah. It's... a painting," he explained as he raised his hands and put them on Yusuke's hips. "In your style. Looks like the stars from the top of the jungle gym our playground."

For some reason, Yusuke froze. He stopped kissing Ren's neck, and lifted his head slowly. They finally met eyes again, and Yusuke let out a gentle, bashful laugh. "Is that so?" he asked.

"Yeah? Why?" Ren asked.

Yusuke laughed again, then used their position to tug Ren toward the portfolio he'd been carrying. "Leave it to your soul mark to completely ruin the surprise I'd prepared for you," he mused. Yusuke leaned down, removing one hand from Ren's side to pick the portfolio up. "Here. It's... well, you'll see when you open it."

Ren turned in Yusuke's arms again, and the very second his back met Yusuke's chest, Yusuke's lips found their way to his neck again. Warmth started at his neck and coursed through his veins, distracting him at first—especially as Yusuke placed his hands on Ren's stomach and pulled him closer again. Ren let out a breathy laugh. "You say you want me to open this, but you're making it sorta... difficult," he murmured.

"Apologies," Yusuke answered, but even as he said the word, his kisses didn't stop.

Maybe Ren would have complained if he wasn't loving every second of it. "Liar," he teased.

Yusuke chuckled, then slipped a hand beneath the hem of Ren's shirt. "You caught me. I'm not sorry at all."

This side of Yusuke was sort of new, but Ren _still_ couldn't find it in him to complain. It wasn't the first time Yusuke had acted like this, and Ren had done his fair share of it, too. They'd slept in the same bed for two years, after all. Some nights, Ren knew it took a miracle to make them put the brakes on, and they only did because they were both afraid of waking Madarame up. Ren managed to tug himself out of his own mind for long enough to open the portfolio Yusuke gave him. As soon as he took the canvas out, he realized exactly why Yusuke was so amused by Ren's description of his soul mark.

There, on the page, was a much larger version of the painting on Ren's finger. It was distinctive, and very obviously in Yusuke's style. Though Ren could tell what it was when he was looking at it on his skin, it was even clearer here. Two shadowy figures leaned against each other on top of the jungle gym, looking out at the starry horizon. One of the figures, the one with Ren's hairstyle, pointed up at the sky, where a shooting star sped by.

Ren smiled warmly. "Wow..." he whispered, turning to look at Yusuke. "It's perfect, Yusuke."

"Is that what your soul mark looks like?" Yusuke asked, glancing over Ren's shoulder at the painting.

With a nod, Ren looked over the details of the painting again, then compared it to the image on his finger. "Exactly like it, yeah. I love it. Both the soul mark, and the painting. They make all the time I had to wait to be with you today worth it."

Yusuke chuckled softly. "It was the most torturous wait I've ever experienced," he countered, then leaned in to press his lips to Ren's neck again.

"Me too," Ren murmured, as he leaned the painting against the wall. He could figure out what to do with it later, when Yusuke wasn't demanding his full attention.

With his hands free, Ren turned around in Yusuke's arms and turned Yusuke's face so they were eye to eye. They leaned in close, pressing their lips together for an eager kiss. The pair of them moved in tandem almost effortlessly, backing toward the wall next to the window. Yusuke placed himself squarely between Ren and the wall. When their kiss broke, Ren looked Yusuke in the eye, smiled nervously, and said:

"Let's run away together."

For a split second, Yusuke froze. Ren could identify the moment when he'd turned the question over in his mind and come to his decision, because the tension slowly eased from his body and he melted right back into their embrace. Dauntlessly looking Ren in the eye, Yusuke nodded. "When?"

Every part of Ren's mind was screaming for him to say 'right now,' but he knew they needed time to prepare. So, he traced his fingers down Yusuke's cheek, brushed his thumb along Yusuke's lower lip, and whispered, "Tomorrow. Madarame said he'd be out of town tomorrow, so... if we pack what we need in the morning and just get on the train? He'll have no idea. He'll just come back and we'll be long gone."

"Gone," Yusuke repeated, then laughed softly. "That sounds amazing. Perhaps we can go to Sojiro's for a little while?"

Ren nodded. "That's what I was thinking. We can make a game plan at the coffee shop, and thank him for giving us a place where we could be together for the past few months, and then we can just... go. Maybe to Osaka or Kyoto. Somewhere far away, where Madarame will never find us, and we can be together," he finished, before punctuating his thought with a kiss to Yusuke's neck.

Yusuke craned his neck to the side, giving Ren easier access to his skin. "I don't care where I am, as long as you are there with me, Ren," he admitted as he slid his hands beneath Ren's shirt.

The feeling of Yusuke's fingers brushing against Ren's bare stomach was almost too much to take. The tingling sensation and the warmth spread through Ren's veins and spurred him on even more. His kisses to Yusuke's neck intensified, changing from innocent and gentle open-mouthed brushes to eager nips and gentle suction. Yusuke responded by arching forward and brushing his hips against Ren's, and Ren dropped his hands down to hold them steady. He canted his own hips forward, slowly brushing them against Yusuke's, and then nipped gently at Yusuke's neck. "I love you so much, Yusuke," he breathed against Yusuke's skin.

"I love you too," Yusuke replied, his voice a low rasp. "So much I can't stand it."

Yusuke's touch against Ren's abdomen sent heat pooling into Ren's groin, and he rocked his hips forward again. The friction of his pajama bottoms and the heat of Yusuke's body felt incredible, but Ren wanted more. He wanted to feel Yusuke's skin against his, and if the outline in Yusuke's pants was any indication, Yusuke felt the same way. Ren pulled his head back from Yusuke's neck and met his eye with a lopsided smile. Yusuke smiled back at first, but that only lasted for a couple of seconds before he leaned forward and crashed their lips together hungrily. He lowered his hands to Ren's hips and urged them forward again. As the friction and the heat combined to drive Ren crazy, Yusuke dropped his head to rest on Ren's shoulder.

"Ren, I want you to—"

Ren didn't get to hear the end of Yusuke's request. The door to Ren's room flew open, and the sound it made as it smacked into the frame echoed through the otherwise silent house. That could only mean one thing: Madarame. Thunder rumbled overhead, and in the quiet room, it was almost deafening. The romantic atmosphere tumbled to the ground just as quickly as it had appeared. Ren and Yusuke both froze in place. Yusuke's hands gripped Ren's shirt from underneath. The touch wasn't tender like before. This time, there was desperation and anxiety behind it. Ren could sense the fear in Yusuke's posture, and it made complete sense. Ren was scared, too, but he was willing to defend Yusuke, just like always.

Before he could even turn to face Madarame, he felt a harsh tug on his back collar. With surprising strength, Madarame yanked Ren away from Yusuke and backhanded him in the face. Pain exploded from the impact like a lightning strike, and even after Madarame's hand returned to his side, Ren stood stunned in the wake of the slap. While Ren was still reeling, Madarame took advantage and shoved him further away from Yusuke. The force of the push sent Ren tumbling backward. He tripped over his music stand and fell to the floor in a heap.

"What are you _doing_ to him?" Madarame snapped, crossing the floor with surprising speed and towering over Ren.

Yusuke stepped forward, trying to place himself between Ren and Madarame. "Nothing! He wasn't doing anything that I didn't—"

Madarame turned on Yusuke, pointing a finger in his face. "I do not recall asking _you_ , Yusuke. There is no need to defend such filth, especially not after what he was doing to you—"

"No! I have stood idly too long, listening as you berate Ren and treat him like a distraction! I refuse to let it happen any longer!" Passion rose in Yusuke's voice as he forced himself between Madarame and Ren. "Ren is _not_ a distraction, nor is he any of the other countless horrible things you've called him. Ren is... Ren is the only thing that has kept me from self-destructing under your ceaseless demands and refusal to be satisfied by _any_ sacrifice _either_ of us have made for—"

The crack of Madarame's hand coming into contact with Yusuke's face was somehow louder than the thunder. Ren was on his feet in an instant with his fists balled at his sides. He couldn't even _see_ where Madarame's hit had landed, but he didn't need to. All he knew was that Madarame had _hit Yusuke_ and Ren wanted to make him pay for it. Ren moved to storm forward and attack Madarame, but before he could take a step, he felt a familiar touch on his shoulder. Ren turned to look at Yusuke, who shook his head. The red mark on his cheek only made Ren want to hit Madarame back all the more, but Yusuke's expression stopped him.

Yusuke stepped in front of Ren again, and Ren watched in surprise as he leveled Madarame with a confident glare. "You will let us pack our things and leave, and you will not follow us."

"I beg your—"

Madarame's interruption was met with a raised index finger. Yusuke was undaunted as he continued: "Not only have you assaulted Ren twice, and me once, but you have stolen my artwork for years. You have treated Ren, who was a ward under your care, as more of a slave than a ward. Under the guise of bettering our crafts, you stole our childhood and then thrust us into high school unprepared. You have turned a blind eye to people at school tormenting us, threatening our _lives_. You have belittled our deceased mothers, all the while holding any information about them just outside our reach. You worked us to the point of illness more than once, and never once commended us for bringing home trophies," he spoke evenly, listing each point off on a finger.

"You _will_ let us leave, and you _will not_ follow us. Otherwise, I will expose your misdeeds to the world, Madarame. If the word gets out there, _someone_ will believe it, and everything you've worked so hard to cultivate will come crashing down around you," Yusuke finished.

It was so quiet in Ren's room that each individual raindrop sounded like a gushing waterfall on the tin roof. Ren was stunned. Eighteen years without a complaint, and all of a sudden, Yusuke snapped and put it all on the line. Ren couldn't even describe how proud he was. Madarame stared at Yusuke, seeming to weigh his options, before taking a step backward. "You will be gone from my house in twenty minutes," Madarame demanded, "or I will call the police."

Without another word, Madarame turned and left Ren's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And you guys didn't trust me._ See? Nothing to worry about here! And we're so close to the end now! :D
> 
> Thanks to [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for reading this over and making sure it was post-ready, and for keeping me on track to ensure I finish the story! ♥


	12. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _calm again, calm again,_  
>  _i feel warm again..._  
>  _i'm reborn again._  
>  _i am warm inside, for a little while..._  
>  _i'm fine?_  
> [home](https://open.spotify.com/track/7FOy48oDc5OIXoToVHyIvr?si=CpYchZibSq2N0-heEROPUA) ;; aurora  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvyIpfjsu-o) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aurora/home.html) }

Twenty minutes was more than enough time for Yusuke and Ren to get what they needed. After Madarame went back to his room, they spent five minutes in Ren's room, getting clothes and keepsakes he couldn't leave behind. Yusuke couldn't help but notice that the first thing Ren went for was the painting Yusuke had given him. He slid the painting back into the portfolio, then started filling his school bag with clothes. In spite of everything, Yusuke couldn't help but smile. Of course, Ren would go for the painting first. Before anything _truly_ important, it was very typical of him to gather a gift from Yusuke to pack.

They stayed together while they packed. Perhaps it would have been quicker to pack together, but Yusuke was sure their minds were in the same place. If they dared to part, Madarame would have a chance to corner them alone. If that happened, he would probably hurt Ren further and try to convince Yusuke to stay. So, they stayed close and helped each other get everything they would possibly need.

After they packed, they hurried outside into the raging thunderstorm. Though thunder crashed and lightning tore through the sky, Yusuke and Ren both knew they were _leaving_ the dangerous situation.

The early spring rain was chilly. It took no time for it to soak through Yusuke's shirt as they ran through the streets and away from Madarame's house. When they got to Leblanc, they would have to change. They passed their playground and Yusuke cast one final glance at the place they'd used as their sanctuary for the first seventeen years of their lives. It was somewhat sad to say goodbye to it, but Yusuke knew it was for the best. They could find a new place and they wouldn't have to sneak away to get to it.

Once they reached the station, Yusuke couldn't resist casting a glance over his shoulder just to be sure Madarame was keeping his word. There was no sign of him, so Yusuke relaxed slightly and turned to look at Ren as they waited for their train. Ren still looked stunned, and Yusuke understood why. Perhaps it would sink in later for Yusuke, when they were finally safe somewhere. For the moment, he was more concerned with _getting_ them somewhere safe; somewhere Madarame wouldn't be able to come after them. When the train pulled into the station, Yusuke reached between them and took Ren's hand. They stepped on together.

The train ride was quiet. It was late enough at night for them to find a seat, so they sat side by side, and probably too close together. Yusuke could tell by the look on Ren's face that he was processing the night’s events. Yusuke squeezed Ren's hand and Ren met his eyes, looking bewildered. There were a million questions in his eyes and Yusuke could almost see them. He was worried, that much was obvious.

Yusuke took the chance to lean in, close to Ren's ear, and whisper, "I love you, Ren."

Some of the tension melted from Ren's eyes, and he turned to look at Yusuke happily. "I love you, too," he intimated in reply.

When Ren leaned against Yusuke's shoulder, Yusuke relaxed a little bit more. The warm tingle of Ren's touch cut through the chill coursing through Yusuke's body, and Yusuke couldn't help but smile. Nothing had changed between them. The only thing that _would_ change was their level of freedom. It was unusual. No one was staring at them. Yusuke was so used to being regarded as a freak that he'd almost forgotten people could be _capable_ of minding their own business. He used the anonymity to his advantage, and turned to press a kiss into Ren's wet hair. When Ren responded by simply nuzzling closer to Yusuke, Yusuke felt his smile widen.

There had never really been any question about his commitment to Ren. Yusuke would cast the world aside just as long as he got to see Ren smile at the end of every day. However, the fact that they could _both_ manage to smile after Madarame had just threatened Ren spoke volumes. Madarame's words played in Yusuke's mind again and threatened to take his smile away. Ren was so beautiful, so amazing, and it seemed like everyone in the world wanted to make him doubt that fact. Yusuke made a solemn vow at that moment, to spend the rest of his life making Ren believe how beautiful he was.

The train pulled into Yongen-Jaya, and Ren and Yusuke rushed out together. It was strange, exactly how much safer Yusuke felt in this part of town. They were still in Tokyo. In fact, they were within mere miles of Madarame. However, knowing they were near people they could trust made Yusuke's comfort levels rise all the higher.

A glance at Yusuke's watch told him exactly how close they were to Leblanc's closing hour. It was near nine. If they didn't hurry, they would miss Sojiro completely and would have to find somewhere else to spend the night. Once he communicated that to Ren, Ren tightened his grip on Yusuke's hand and pulled him out of the train station.

Somehow, the rain was coming down even harder in Yongen-Jaya. It almost felt like a steady stream of water, or a waterfall flowing right from the sky. Yusuke felt drenched right down to the bone, and he knew they'd be freezing cold if they couldn't manage to find somewhere indoors to sleep. They sprinted down the street together, hand-in-hand. The Yongen-Jaya streets were quiet and empty, with most people taking shelter from the storm inside. Thunder rumbled loudly, and Yusuke tried not to flinch away from the loud sound. They passed the movie theater and the batting cages, all of which were long since closed down for the night.

They finally came to a stop right in front of Leblanc's door, just as Sojiro was opening it to leave for the night. When Sojiro lifted his head, he glanced past Ren and Yusuke at first, then did a double take.

"You two..." Sojiro announced, his voice doing little to hide his surprise. "What're you doing here?"

As much as Yusuke wanted to reply, his lungs burned with the exertion of the run from the station. He gasped for air and his body shuddered from the sudden chill.

Ren was the first to catch his breath. "We left," he explained, still panting. "We... we left Madarame's house..."

Sojiro was quiet for a second. He looked from Ren to Yusuke, and then over his shoulder into the restaurant. After a couple of seconds, he turned to look back at Yusuke and Ren and stepped into the restaurant, holding the door open for them. "Get in here before you freeze to death," he told them.

Admittedly, as nice as it was to be inside, it was also significantly colder now that their dripping wet bodies were exposed to open air. Sojiro closed the door behind them, but kept the sign flipped to closed. Without being directed, he stepped behind the counter and started a pot of coffee. "D'you have dry clothes?"

Yusuke nodded. "Yes, we brought clothes."

"Better than sitting here in your wet clothes. Go change while I make you some coffee and curry. One of you can use the bathroom and the other can go upstairs," Sojiro told them. "When you're done, we can all talk about what happened and then you can dry your clothes at the laundromat across the street."

With great hesitation, Yusuke and Ren detached their hands. Ren hurried to the bathroom—his typical self-sacrificing nature likely telling him to take the smaller space—leaving Yusuke to change upstairs. Yusuke walked upstairs, expecting to see a small storage area when he got there, but he couldn't have been more wrong. The Leblanc attic was vast. It looked like a single bedroom apartment, and there was even a small bed in the corner. It seemed like it had been cleaned recently, and the sheets on the bed looked fresh. Yusuke felt strange, almost like he was invading someone else's space.

Sojiro told him he could change here, though, so that was exactly what he did. He peeled his pajamas off, as well as his underclothes. After packing all his art supplies, there was very little room for any sort of towel in his bag, so he ended up having to dry his body with a t-shirt and wear his school uniform. The chill was all the more obvious now that he was naked, so he dressed quickly and piled his clothes into a ball in his hands. They dripped onto the floor and Yusuke shivered against his volition. Thunder rolled overhead, and Yusuke could see lightning tearing across the sky in the distance.

A pair of voices caught his attention from downstairs, and Yusuke realized that Ren must have already emerged from the bathroom. On his way down the stairs, he heard Ren telling Sojiro about Yusuke's painting. "Yeah, it's... it was his birthday present to me," Ren explained, a generous dose of fondness in his tone. "That's the playground we always used to go to when we needed some time to ourselves. It's kinda funny, though, because I knew what the painting looked like before he even gave it to me."

"How'd you manage that?" Sojiro asked from behind the counter.

Ren held his hand up and wiggled his ring finger. "Soul mark. My soul mark is a small version of this painting, wrapped around my finger," he mused.

Yusuke announced his presence with a laugh. "Yes, and it sufficiently ruined the surprise," he joked. "Imagine my surprise when Ren tells me what his soul mark looks like, and it's exactly the thing I've spent months painting in anticipation for his birthday."

A laugh echoed out from behind the counter. Sojiro shrugged. "Can't really complain, though. At least there's no question that you two are soulmates," he pointed out.

"There never was," Ren and Yusuke answered in unison.

As soon as they finished speaking, the room went quiet, and then Sojiro laughed aloud again. "Don't think I've ever seen a pair of eighteen-year-olds so crazy about their soul marks before. There's usually hesitation, but you two... you're so sure," he said fondly, as he scooped some curry over a pile of rice. "That's good, though. Saves you a hell of a lot of struggle later on. I've seen people end up hating whoever their mark links them to, and you two don't have to go through that weird 'getting to know you' phase that most people do with their soulmate either."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Yusuke knows me better than I know myself most of the time," Ren agreed, glancing over his shoulder at Yusuke and then sliding further into the booth to make room.

Yusuke nodded as he slid into the booth next to Ren. Their hands immediately sought one another out, and Yusuke laced their fingers together effortlessly. "The same can be said for you about me, though."

Sojiro rounded the counter with two cups of coffee in hand. They were prepared exactly the way Ren and Yusuke would have asked for them, and it brought a smile to Yusuke's face. Without separating his hand from Ren's, he lifted his latte up and took a long, slow sip. The warmth was a stark contrast to the chill which had been piercing his body. Yusuke turned to look at Ren, who looked similarly satisfied.

With his smile still in place, Yusuke turned to look at Sojiro. "Thank you very much."

Sojiro nodded. "Don't mention it. I gotta admit, I'm torn between wanting to ask you what happened and the knowledge that you probably don't want to talk about it. Those bruises on your face say plenty," he told them, his voice a low, angry grumble.

"Yeah," Ren answered, turning his eyes back to the table. "It's... it's not a _huge_ deal. Madarame walked in on us, uh... kissing."

Kissing. A drastically simplified version of what had been happening, but one to keep Sojiro from knowing that they were _just_ on the precipice of making love before Madarame burst into the room. Heat rushed to Yusuke's cheeks as Ren continued explaining what had happened. As Ren told Sojiro all the terrible things Madarame had said and how he'd hit them both, a fit of anger flared up from the pit of Yusuke's stomach. Madarame had always been so terrible to Ren, seeing him as nothing but a servant and a distraction. Somehow, just like always, Ren carried all the harsh words with him and had never once shied away from Yusuke's love.

While Yusuke had never once doubted how lucky he was to be with Ren, it hit him like a freight train right then. It would have been so easy for Ren to decide that the anguish wasn't worth it, but he never had. He was always there, and Yusuke was the most fortunate man in the world for that fact.

In lieu of the kiss he _wanted_ to give, he simply squeezed Ren's hand, then turned to look at Sojiro once Ren finished speaking. "I told Madarame that if he didn't let us leave, I would find a way to contact the authorities and tell them everything..." he explained. "By some miracle, that worked."

Ren shrugged. "So now, we're trying to figure out what to do next. We can't really... leave Tokyo until we graduate in a couple of months, but we don't know where we—"

"Why don't you stay here?" Sojiro cut Ren off, then set a pair of plates in front of them.

"Here? Like, live in the cafe?" Ren chuckled, but dug into his curry without hesitation.

Sojiro shook his head. "Kind of, but no. There's an apartment upstairs you guys could crash in."

Yusuke blinked. Did Sojiro's kindness know any bounds? "We couldn't impose on you like that..." he answered around a mouthful of curry, before digging his fork back in for another mouthful.

"You're not imposing," Sojiro answered, his voice a little sharper than Yusuke expected. "Instead of paying rent, you could work part-time down here in the cafe to pay your way, if you wanted to. You don't even have to leave after you graduate, either. You can look into college, or just take a couple of years off to be normal eighteen-year-olds for awhile. Make some friends. Go on dates together. All that stuff kids do. You can make up for the time you didn't get. The room's just been sitting there unused for years, and..."

He paused, sighed, and looked down at the floor. Whatever was on his mind, he was clearly struggling with it.

With another breath, Sojiro looked back up at Ren and Yusuke with a solemn expression on his face. "Listen. I'm gonna level with you boys. I made this offer to your moms when you were kids, when _they_ tried to run from Madarame. They didn't take me up on it, though. Hanako was too worried about Madarame finding them here and Sayuri was _positive_ she would sell her next painting, so they took their chances in this rundown apartment in Shinjuku, where they got sick, and died. If they'd stayed here, if I could've convinced them... they might still be alive. I don't..."

Sojiro stopped abruptly, looked at the ground, and sighed.

Their mothers had tried to run as well. It explained a lot of things, not the least of which was Madarame's refusal to tell them anything about their mothers. Madarame likely feared the result of Ren and Yusuke learning of such rebellion. It was almost laughable now, considering their circumstances. Even without ever learning anything about their mothers, they'd _still_ rebelled and _still_ managed to break free. This new information _also_ explained Sojiro's willingness to help them, and his hesitation every time they mentioned Madarame. If Sojiro had tried to save their mothers when Ren and Yusuke were young children, then it stood to reason...

Ren frowned, seeming to have come to the same conclusion. "You don't want to see us do the same thing..."

"No," Sojiro answered as he scrubbed at the pot he'd used to make their curry. "I don't. I also want to do right by your moms, and there's no better way to do that then to make sure you guys can be safe and happy. That's all they ever really wanted. Plus, you're good kids. You deserve it."

For a time, the room was quiet. The only things Yusuke could hear were the sounds of the rain pouring down outside and the sound of Sojiro moving around the kitchen. Ren was poking at his curry now, like he was deep in thought, and Yusuke squeezed his hand in support. He didn't say anything, but he didn't think he had to. There was a mix of emotion on Ren's face. He looked like he was happy to be free, happy to finally know why and how their mothers passed away. He _also_ looked sad, however. Yusuke fully understood that. Yusuke was sad to know that his mother had died running from Madarame, and that he'd spent the past fifteen years in the service of the man who had _forced_ her to run.

Yusuke smoothed his thumb across the top of Ren's hand and smiled sadly. "I think Sojiro's offer is incredibly generous, Ren," he finally said.

"I've got the attic all made up," Sojiro pointed out.

With a soft laugh, Yusuke looked up at the ceiling over his head. "So that's why it seems more like a bedroom than the attic to a cafe?"

Laughing sheepishly, Sojiro nodded. "Oh. Yeah. I've been meaning to make this offer for weeks now, but you both looked so relaxed when you were here that I wasn't..." He paused, rubbed the back of his neck, and laughed. "I should've. Guess I just wasn't ready to face the past 'til it was staring me in the face. So, sorry 'bout that."

Ren smiled, though his smile was melancholic. He turned to look at Yusuke, then at Sojiro, and waved off Sojiro's apology. "It's okay. We probably would've been too scared to do it if you had. Now, though? This place has already been like home for the past couple of months, so... why not make it more official?"

The smile on Sojiro's face was strange. It was genuine, but it was also wistful and regretful. Yusuke could only imagine what was going on in his mind. This situation almost mirrored one where he'd lost two dear friends, after all. Things would be different this time, though. They _wouldn't_ make their mothers' mistakes. They weren't afraid. If Madarame _did_ come for them, Yusuke would hold up his end of the bargain and go to the authorities to reveal every single one of his secrets. With a smile and a nod, Yusuke relaxed in his seat.

"Yes, I believe we will take you up on your generosity, Sojiro. Thank you," Yusuke answered.

Sojiro's smile lost some of its ruefulness then. "Good. When you guys finish up down here, I'll get you set up, then."

Yusuke truly felt like this was the first day of the rest of his life. He watched Ren, who was poking at the last of his curry, and finally lifted another bite to his lips. It was obvious that his mind was running at a million miles an hour. Why wouldn't it be? He'd had such a long day, and on his birthday of all days. Most of the time, their birthdays flew under the radar without notice. Today, though, the world had thrown them a massive curveball. Yusuke wished he could make up for everything, to make Ren's birthday as special as he deserved. It was his eighteenth, and they were free, but it still didn't feel like enough.

Ren was a selfless, loving, wonderful person. He deserved the world, and for some reason Yusuke couldn't quite understand, the world had been hesitant to open itself up to him. It wasn't fair, but now that they were free of Madarame, Yusuke could ensure that it did from here on out.

"You okay?" Ren finally broke the silence, his voice a soft low whisper as he lifted his hand to brush Yusuke's hair from his eyes.

Humming softly in lieu of a response, Yusuke traced his eyes along the bruise on Ren's cheek. A bruise and a painting were hardly fitting birthday gifts for someone like Ren. When they were alone, Yusuke decided he would make Ren a promise. Tomorrow, they would make up for lost time and Yusuke would do something special for Ren. Tonight would be the first day of the rest of their lives, and those lives would finally be the ones they deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could it be? Could our boys have finally found their home? ♥
> 
> Thanks, as ever, to [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for looking this over and helping me make sure it made sense!


	13. My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _this heart, it beats_  
>  _beats for only you;_  
>  _my heart is yours_  
> [my heart](https://open.spotify.com/track/5wWkbQ18TPaWq2GeJDF2O3?si=fMQ4tsNqSSmKjcgiTkfjzg) ;; paramore  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zMrL6N3GDA) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/paramore/myheart.html) }

Yusuke had been strangely quiet since Sojiro showed them upstairs. Despite his silence, he hadn't taken his eyes from Ren for even a second. In the back of Ren's mind, he wondered if maybe Yusuke was still processing the night's events. It had only really been less than two hours since they were still under Madarame's roof.

In the silence, Ren's eyes were drawn to the mark on Yusuke's cheek. The bruise was deeper than Ren's own, but it made sense. Yusuke's skin was paler, so any discoloration had always shown twice as strong as it did on Ren's skin. It would fade, as bruises typically did, but for now it was a gruesome reminder of what Madarame had done. That was most likely why Yusuke was quiet. Now that Sojiro had gone back to his house for the night, the events were more than likely catching up to Yusuke. They were certainly catching up to Ren. It felt almost like a whole day's worth of events had been condensed into a couple of hours.

Ren placed his hand on top of Yusuke's, quietly gathering Yusuke's attention. When Yusuke jumped and turned to look at Ren with his gray eyes wide in surprise, Ren raked his teeth over his lower lip and tried to read Yusuke's expression. "You okay?" he finally asked.

"Yes," Yusuke answered, one corner of his mouth rising in a mockery of the smile Ren knew he could give. "I'm fine. It... I'm simply..."

It was rare for Yusuke to stammer like that. He was always well-spoken and he always seemed to know exactly what to say. The stammering, the uncertainty made worries rise up from Ren's stomach. What if this wasn't really what he wanted? What if Yusuke hadn't wanted to stay here, and he'd _wanted_ to keep going to Osaka or Okinawa, or somewhere other than Tokyo? They were still close to Madarame. Ren knew they would never go back if, by chance, Madarame showed up and tried to pull them away, but... this wasn't what they'd talked about when they were back at Madarame's.

Ren raised his eyes to meet with Yusuke's. "You sure? Because you... you look like you're—"

"Oh. N-no, I'm fine," Yusuke repeated, and his smile changed as he spoke. It didn't wilt, nor did it grow, but there was something strange behind it. Nerves, maybe. Yusuke dashed his tongue out to wet his lips and met Ren's eye again. "I'm simply... everything feels so good right now. It feels like we're where we're supposed to be, and I'm happy that we're here. But... this is typically where the world barges in and makes itself known. Whenever we were finally happy, it was always the moment when we would be torn apart by Madarame or Youta or those imbecilic people at school who spread rumors about us..."

When Yusuke trailed off, Ren couldn't help but laugh humorlessly to himself. That made sense. They really _hadn't_ ever had the chance to be happy, had they? Now that they did... what did they do with it? Ren considered the question quietly for a moment, turning to look down at the floor. They could do anything they wanted. Everything they'd always talked about doing, but never had the chance to do. All Ren really cared about was that they had the chance to do them together. Ren glanced down at his soul mark and smiled. The miniature version of the painting glowed on his finger, almost like an iridescent wedding ring. Maybe, now that they were free, they could actually _get_ married someday.

The thought overpowered all his doubts and he felt his smile growing. Ren turned to look at Yusuke, planning to tell Yusuke of his resolve, but before he even had a chance to speak, Yusuke leaned in and captured Ren's lips in a bruising kiss. Warmth flooded Ren's body at each point of contact, his lips, his hands, and now his face as Yusuke lifted his hand up to caress his non-bruised cheek and hold him in place.

Yusuke's kiss was slow and tender, but Ren could feel something else behind it—something he'd felt back at Madarame's house right before they left—and suddenly the realization hit him like a freight train. _That_ was where all of Yusuke's nerves were coming from. Yusuke had seemed almost insatiable then, with his hands and lips all over whatever part of Ren he could reach. Before Madarame had burst into the room, he was going to ask Ren for something. Was it possible that...

Ren moved his hand from Yusuke's hand, sliding it up the length of Yusuke's thigh and letting it come to rest on Yusuke's hip. He broke the kiss, finally, and rested his head against Yusuke's forehead. "You wanted to pick up where we left off, didn't you?" he asked.

"I do," Yusuke answered, then swallowed thickly.

Ren met Yusuke's eyes and chuckled softly. "Where, exactly, _did_ we leave off?"

Maybe it wasn't a fair question. Maybe he should have just run with his assumption, especially since he was _almost_ positive of where they'd left off. Things like this were always unsafe to assume, though. If Ren assumed they were about to have sex, and he was wrong, it would change their relationship in a bad way, wouldn't it?

Yusuke let out a quick puff of air, then traced his thumb along Ren's lower lip. "I think," he answered, before standing slowly and then straddling Ren’s hips, "we were right about here... and I was in the middle of asking you to a very important question..."

As much as Ren tried to keep his cool, having Yusuke over him like that was almost too much to take. He raised his hips involuntarily, brushing them against Yusuke's and letting out a steadying breath at the sensation. It was just as good as before. Maybe better, because this time there was absolutely no chance anyone would come up and interrupt them.

"Wh-what was the question?" Ren asked, his voice shaky, as he put his hands on Yusuke's hips.

Yusuke's fingers found their way to Ren's shirt, and he flicked at the top button. He craned his neck, leaning close to Ren's ear, and then whispered, "I believe... I was going to ask you to make love to me." With each word, his lips brushed against Ren's ear, making those same warm tingles rush through his body.

Between the tingles Yusuke's touch brought to his skin and his _own_ desires, it was _impossible_ for Ren to keep his cool. Ren lifted his hips again, brushing them against Yusuke's, and let his head fall down to rest on Yusuke's shoulder. "When... when have I ever not given you what you want?"

As soon as Ren answered, it was almost like the frayed string holding them both back finally broke. Yusuke lifted his head again and they crashed their lips together, desperately seeking that familiar warm tingle all over again. Yusuke's nimble fingers made quick work of unbuttoning Ren's shirt, while Ren's hands were more concerned with Yusuke's pants. They both finished their mission at the same time, and Yusuke stood to shuck his pants to the floor while Ren tossed his shirt toward the couch on the other side of the room. Ren looked up at Yusuke, watching as he worked the buttons to his own shirt open. Ren followed suit, unfastening his own slacks and kicking them haphazardly to the floor.

It probably should have been strange to see Yusuke in his underclothes for the first time, but all Ren could really do was stare up at Yusuke's gorgeous frame. His skin was flawless and pale, his frame thin and beautiful, and while Ren already knew how gorgeous he was, seeing him like this only served to drive the point home all the more.

"You're so gorgeous, Yusuke," Ren murmured, before reaching out and grabbing Yusuke by the hips to pull him closer. Yusuke moved to sit back down again, but Ren stopped him and pressed a tender kiss to his abdomen. When Yusuke responded with a shaky breath and reached his hands up to tangle into Ren's hair, Ren couldn't help but smile against his skin. "I love you so much."

Yusuke laughed, smoothing his fingertips down to Ren's neck and pulling a trail of warm tingles along with him. "I love you, too," he rasped.

As Ren peppered kisses to Yusuke's stomach and hips, the sight of Yusuke's dick, straining against his boxer-briefs, caught Ren's eye and he couldn't help but smile wider. He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of Yusuke's underclothes and tugged them down. As he tugged, his fingers traced along Yusuke's hips and thighs, then he released the fabric from his hands and let it drop to the floor. Yusuke shuddered slightly—Ren wasn't sure if it was because of his touch or because of the chill of being exposed—and urged Ren to stand up as well.

"Please..." Yusuke whispered once Ren was standing. "I want to see you, too..."

The plea was quiet, but it was almost like the sound spurred him on all the more. Ren made quick work of discarding his own underclothes and kicked them away, before tugging Yusuke closer and crashing their lips together in a bruising kiss. It wasn't what Yusuke asked for, but Ren couldn't help himself. Every inch of skin touching Yusuke's was flooded with warm tingles, and Ren was almost ready to come unglued already. All the new sensations combined to make Ren's head swim. They broke for air, and Ren lifted his hand to brush some of Yusuke's hair from his eyes.

With a bashful laugh, Ren mused, "If we keep kissing like this, I'll uh... we won't get to... y'know. The main event."

Yusuke laughed, then nodded. "Probably not, but it feels so nice. The warmth and the tingles..." he stammered, his cheeks turning red as he spoke.

"Yeah. It definitely does," Ren smirked as he turned them around and urged Yusuke to lay back on the bed.

Yusuke followed Ren's suggestion and placed his head against the pillows. As soon as he was relaxed, he looked up at Ren like he was lamenting the loss of contact between them. Yusuke's eyes pleaded with Ren to join him, and Ren readily answered that plea by crawling up the bed and covering Yusuke's lips all over again. As they kissed, Yusuke lifted his hips and brushed them against Ren's. Yusuke's skin brushed against Ren's dick, and the same warm tingles coursed through his body. They were the same sensations Ren felt every other time they touched, but when placed against the most intimate and sensitive areas of Ren's body, they were somehow stronger.

Ren let out a soft, shuddering breath against Yusuke's lips. "Not fair," he murmured softly, but even as he complained, he pressed his hips down into the touch.

Laughing breathily, Yusuke lifted his hips again. "And yet we both do it again," he mused.

"Guess we're suckers for punishment," Ren agreed as he slowly, hesitantly sat on his knees between Yusuke's legs.

With a lopsided grin, Yusuke nodded. "However, if that is punishment, I'll have to step outside the lines more often."

Ren smirked and urged Yusuke into a seated position, so they were face to face on the bed. Ren lifted Yusuke's legs and placed one on either side of Ren's hips. As Ren slid forward to close the short distance between them, Yusuke hooked his ankles behind Ren's back, and Ren couldn't help the smirk that crossed his face. When their bodies were close enough, Yusuke rocked his hips forward and brushed their bare skin together. Ren hadn't expected it, but the familiar tingling sensation made him gasp and lean his head forward against Yusuke's shoulder. Yusuke seemed surprised too, if the shakiness of his breath was any indication.

"Still not fair," Ren murmured against Yusuke's skin.

Yusuke tried to laugh, Ren could tell, but it only came out as a quick puff of air. "It is _absolutely_ unfair, how incredible your skin feels," he agreed.

After taking a couple of seconds to compose himself, Ren lifted his head from Yusuke's shoulder and glanced between them. He broke through the last of his nerves and hesitation, and lifted his hand to slowly and experimentally slide a finger along the whole of Yusuke's length. When Yusuke sucked in a sharp gasp and let his eyes flutter closed, Ren grinned again. He wrapped his hands loosely around both of their dicks and held them together. 

Before Ren could calculate his next move, he felt Yusuke's hands join his to wrap around them. Ren lifted his eyes to meet Yusuke's and smiled nervously. Truth be told, he wasn't sure why he was nervous. He and Yusuke were soulmates. They were in love and they'd been in love for years. This was just a new experience, a new way for them to share their love. Ren's mind was spinning a million miles an hour, focused on thoughts of Yusuke and exactly how in love he was.

So, when Yusuke tugged upward on their hands and slid them along Ren's dick, it took him by complete surprise and he let out a soft cry. It felt _incredible_. The warmth and tingles moved with his hand, spreading out from the base of Ren's dick to the tip, and it was the most incredible sensation he had ever felt before. Ren's heart was already hammering in his chest, his breath was already unsteady, and they'd only just started. His head dropped back to Yusuke's shoulder, but Yusuke didn't stop. He slid their hands back down to the base and back up, then pulled in a sharp breath.

"R-Ren," Yusuke stumbled. "Your touch... it feels so..."

Ren nodded. "Yours too," he answered.

They slid their hands back down, bringing those same familiar, thrilling sensations along with them, and Ren crashed their lips together to silence any more stupid sounds he might have made. As they drew back upward, Ren felt his hips twitching. It was probably pathetic, exactly how amazing this felt, but if Yusuke's reactions—the stammered words, the breathless gasps, the gentle cries—were any indication, he was feeling it, too. Yusuke tightened his grip and increased his tempo, and Ren followed suit. The new speed and pressure felt even better somehow, and between that and the desperation in Yusuke's kiss, Ren could feel tightness building in his gut.

Their kiss broke for long enough to allow them to catch their breath. After pulling in as much air as they could, they kissed again, and Ren could feel his control of their motions slipping. It felt so good, and he felt like he was going to topple over the edge any second now.

Yusuke's release was what got him there. It came without warning. Yusuke broke the kiss, let his head fall to Ren's shoulder, and buried his face in Ren's neck. The warmth of Yusuke's breath against Ren's skin only urged Ren closer to the edge. Yusuke made soft noises against Ren's shoulder. Some of them weren't real words, some of them were simple exclamations, like "oh," and "yes," but one very distinctive word caught Ren's attention. As Yusuke's hips shuddered and his thigh muscles tightened, Ren listened as Yusuke's whisper caressed his ear:

"Ren..."

Seconds later, Yusuke's body tensed and he cried out loud. Some of Yusuke's release was on their chests and stomachs, but most of it coated their hands, and it slicked their movements so much that it only took one more glide for him to topple over the edge as well. It was all too much. The touches, the tingling warmth, the way Yusuke sounded when he cried Ren's name—it was just too much for Ren to take. The heat which had built up in Ren's gut exploded out of him in a torrent. His body tensed as waves of euphoria rippled through him, and he let his head fall back as he cried Yusuke's name toward the ceiling.

For a time, it felt like Ren was floating, his body soaring through some kind of mysterious dimension where everything felt good and there was nothing but him and Yusuke. He was overwhelmed with so many things. How good Yusuke's touch felt. How in love he was. How it felt like the world could end and Ren would be fine with it as long as he died in Yusuke's arms. If this was what true happiness was, Ren never wanted to leave this bed.

When he finally snapped out of his reverie, he felt Yusuke's lips against his neck, leaving pleasant little pools of warmth in their wake. Yusuke was speaking, and Ren could vaguely hear that soft voice telling him that he was beautiful, that he was perfect, and, "I hope you feel as amazing as you deserve to feel on your birthday, my love."

Ren chuckled softly, nodded, then pressed a kiss against Yusuke's hair. "I do," he answered. "But I'll always feel amazing as long as I'm with you."

Yusuke smiled against his skin. "Then you will never feel anything but amazing again, Ren. We're free now, and we never have to be apart," he whispered, before craning his neck to kiss Ren again.

The kiss was tender and gentle this time, and when it broke, Ren and Yusuke locked eyes for a few seconds. It was true. They _were_ free, and they only had to be apart for a few hours at school now. Even that was only for a few more months. When they came back here, they could spend as much time together as they wanted. They weren't art and music slaves, and no one was going to try and turn them against one another just so that he could use their talents for his own gain anymore. Just like Sojiro said, they could go on dates and make new friends and just be _normal_.

They could _really_ be happy.

Ren smiled and gave Yusuke another quick kiss, before leaning over the side of the bed and gathering the first item of clothing he could find. He could wash his uniform tomorrow. For now, it would suffice to clean them off so they could go to sleep. He wiped his hands on the blazer, then turned his attention to Yusuke.

"We're free," Ren repeated as he ran his shirt down Yusuke's chest and collected the rivulets of release they'd left behind. "Free to be together, without anyone to control us. Free to love each other."

Smiling warmly, Yusuke nodded and took Ren's shirt from his hand. "And I love you with all my heart, Ren Amamiya," he declared as he started wiping Ren's chest and stomach clean as well.

Ren pushed Yusuke's bangs from his eyes. "I love you, too."

Once they were clean, they moved together and crawled under the blankets. The bed was bigger than the futons Madarame had made them sleep on, but most of it went unused. Ren slept as close to Yusuke as he could possibly be, enjoying the feeling of their skin touching, and Yusuke held him there. Ren latched onto Yusuke gently, and smiled as Yusuke smoothed his fingers through Ren's hair. If heaven was real, Ren had to believe it would feel just like this.

"You know," Ren said blearily, "all things considered, this was a pretty great birthday."

Yusuke's response was quiet, and Ren could tell that he was close to losing the battle against sleep. "And they'll only get better from here, Ren. I promise."

As Ren dozed off, the last thought to pass through his mind was a promise. A promise to himself, and a promise to Yusuke, to spend every single day for the rest of their lives, making sure both he and Yusuke were as happy as they could possibly be. They'd already been through hell. They deserved for things to be smooth from here on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3 They couldn't resist anymore, what can I say? XD  
> We're almost at the end guys! They worked so hard to get here! :o ♥
> 
> Thanks, as always, to the amazing [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadaCreations/pseuds/NadaCreations) for betaing this and helping to keep me on track to _ensure_ I finished it! :D


	14. Frame And Focus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _we're just a mess of moments_  
>  _that's adding up to where we are,_  
>  _but you're the frame and focus_  
>  _that's making sense of it so far..._  
> [frame and focus](https://open.spotify.com/track/64YhhVVADTVa5lIA7TZlBU?si=JypSaYJESZWclOU2jNdGaw) ;; lights  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csXNY6qSyN4) ] | { [lyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lights/frameandfocus.html) }

After a single year living with Yusuke and working at Leblanc, Ren could truthfully say he'd never been happier. It wasn't perfect. For a few months, they'd still been forced to deal with Youta and the rumors at school, too. Knowing that they had somewhere better to go back to made it easier. Sojiro was far more willing to stand up for them than Madarame was, and he'd offered to contact the school a couple of times, but Ren knew that in the grand scheme of things, Youta was almost completely gone from his life. When they graduated, Ren's point was only proven further. It had been almost a year, and he'd never seen Youta _or_ Madarame around the city at all.

Then there were the nights when Ren would wake up and feel like he was still at Madarame's house. Sometimes, he had dreams of all the terrible things Madarame said to him over the years he lived there. Sometimes, he dreamed of where he thought they'd be if they hadn't escaped when they did. Luckily, having Yusuke at his side, holding onto Yusuke and being allowed to show their love unabashedly, reminded him that everything was okay.

Even if it wasn't _perfect_ , it was closer than Ren ever thought he could get. Ren couldn't ask for more if he tried. Besides, expecting perfection so soon after escaping a situation like theirs was unrealistic.

Before they graduated, they had to pass their old train stop on the way to school every morning, and it served as a grim reminder of their old lives. It made the rest of the train ride a little solemn, but before they parted for the day to go to class, they reminded each other that it was okay. They weren't helpless kids anymore. They had their own lives, and they were free to be happy.

Sojiro was everything Madarame wasn't. He was kind, warm, nurturing, and he actually made sure Ren and Yusuke were ready to face the world in a way Madarame never had. Not only did he encourage them in their artistic endeavors, but he also taught them how to operate his coffee shop. As soon as Ren told Sojiro that he was Madarame's personal chef, Sojiro gave Ren a lot more personal freedom with the menu as well, and over the year, Leblanc had turned into something of a combined effort between Ren and Sojiro. A couple of months into their stay, Sojiro had even insisted that they stop paying him rent, and he'd actually started paying them for their work. Ren felt like an adult. He felt _normal_.

They had friends now, too. Sojiro had introduced them to his daughter, Futaba, who was in her third year at Shujin Academy. Futaba was almost like a sister to them, and even though she was younger, she still treated them with some sort of strange protectiveness. She was endlessly curious about their past with Madarame, but whenever they got into the stories, she got angry. It took everything they had to convince her not to, as she said, "hack his life into ruins." Every time she said it, Ren felt more and more tempted. Yusuke was too, Ren could tell. Despite the temptation, they'd managed to reign themselves _and_ Futaba in.

Through Futaba, they'd met a small web of friends. Futaba had friends Ren and Yusuke's age, and she even had a couple of friends who were a year older. Ren and Yusuke had gotten especially close to Ann and Ryuji, another pair of soulmates who'd known each other since childhood. They didn't exactly have the same _history_ as Ren and Yusuke did, but they'd managed to bond over being young and in love with their soulmates. It was really nice, having so many friends their age. For most of his life, Ren felt like he'd never get the chance.

Every Friday night, Ren and Yusuke went on a date. Some nights, they stayed in Yongen-Jaya, and some nights they went to other parts of town. Restaurants in other parts of the city, picnics in the park, wherever they wanted to go. Of course, for the most part, they stayed clear of Madarame's neighborhood unless they absolutely had to go.

Today was Friday, and Yusuke claimed to have some grand special plan for their date. He hadn't told Ren what it was yet, but he _had_ sent Ren to the Yongen-Jaya grocery store to get the supplies to cook himself a birthday meal. Cooking his own birthday meal was probably strange to most people, but they'd learned from working at Leblanc: Yusuke should _not_ be allowed in the kitchen.

As Ren walked down the produce aisle, he couldn't help but laugh to himself. He remembered standing in the kitchen, watching as Yusuke sampled from the pot of curry he'd been experimenting with. Somehow, Yusuke had managed to make the curry both spicy and sour at the same time. He'd tried combining honey with some sort of mysterious cheddar sauce and mixing it into the curry... Ren could _still_ taste the unfortunate tang as he examined the zucchini and picked the ripest ones. After that incident, they'd decided to put Yusuke on cleaning duty while Ren worked in the kitchen.

It left them with a lot of free time at work, which left them with even _more_ time together. Some days, they would watch TV. Other days, they read magazines together. Ren's favorite days, though, were the ones when he brought his brand new guitar down and practiced while Yusuke drew. In the back of his mind, he'd worried that their early years with Madarame would have soured them to their particular art. He'd never been so glad to be wrong before. Yusuke's art was better than ever. Now, he had the freedom to draw and paint whatever he chose.

Ren's own passion for his music had grown, too. He played most nights after they closed the cafe, and he was in talks with Ryuji to start a band. Ryuji wanted to play the drums. Ryuji had no experience with music, Ren was almost sure of it, but if anyone he knew was capable of smashing away on the drums for a couple of hours a week, it was Ryuji. Even if Ryuji never learned how to play, starting a band with friends sounded like fun. It was a chance to play music because he _wanted_ to, not because he was being forced to. Ren made a mental note to send Ryuji a text later and ask if he'd found anyone to play bass for them.

It was insane. A year ago, Ren was miserable. His eighteenth birthday was on the way, and as he counted down the days, he anticipated his soul mark. He was alone (but never lonely, because he had Yusuke), and felt like the world would never let him be happy. Now, it felt like his whole life had started over.

As Ren paid for his groceries, he found himself thinking of his mother. He knew more about her than he ever thought he would. It was sad that he couldn't remember her voice, but at least he knew what she looked like and that he looked almost exactly like her. He lifted his eyes and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he left the store. His body was a lot fuller now that he didn't have to ration his food so lightly. He was still thin, and still a little bit short, but he had more meat on his bones now. A simple fresh start had done so much, and now he couldn't help but look forward to the future rather than dreading it.

Ren passed by several familiar faces on his way down the Yongen-Jaya streets. Dr. Takemi smiled and bowed her head in greeting. The man running the secondhand shop waved cordially to Ren as he walked by. For the first time, he felt just at home outside of his residence as he did inside.

Rounding the corner return to Leblanc, Ren tilted his head to the side when he spotted a familiar head of blue hair dashing in the cafe's door. Futaba was right behind him, and she stopped and stared at Ren briefly. After making sure he'd seen her, she stiffened and dashed into the cafe like her clothes were on fire. That was weird, but Ren didn't question it. Futaba herself was weird, so it was to be expected. Yusuke, on the other hand, was acting completely out of character. It was almost like they were running from Ren, or like they had something they were trying to hide.

Several scenarios raced through his mind, and it really just showed Ren that he wasn't as "okay" as he thought he was. He shook them all off quickly. It was stupid. Yusuke and Futaba were friends who barely tolerated each other on most days. Thinking _anything_ was going on between them was ridiculous. Yusuke loved Ren, _maybe_ as much as Ren loved Yusuke. For once, he needed to have faith that the world wasn't planning to pull the rug out from underneath him. He nodded sagely to himself and tried to force the last of those intrusive thoughts from his mind.

With renewed spring in his step—and maybe a little lingering trepidation—Ren hurried toward Leblanc again.

When he got to the door, he couldn't see anyone inside. No Yusuke, no Futaba... not even Sojiro was there. Ren's brows furrowed. Had Yusuke and Futaba gotten upstairs in the short time it had taken him to get from the corner to Leblanc's door? He glanced around for any sign of Sojiro. It was early in the day. It wasn't normal for him to leave the shop unattended like this.

As he scanned the street, something caught his eye in the distance. Around the corner toward Sojiro's house, Ren spotted his friend Makoto's motorcycle parked on the side of the road. Why was she parked so far away from Leblanc? It was almost hidden, like Ren wasn't supposed to see it. _Almost_ , anyway. Ren scratched his head and glanced through Leblanc's door once again. No one was there, but the TV was on. And Makoto's bike...

It was probably nothing. Nothing to worry about, anyway. He tried to shake his doubts away, but he couldn't help how tight he was gripping the doorknob. He twisted it, and the sound of the hanging bell echoed throughout the room. Ren looked around the cafe, and breathed in to call out for Sojiro, or for Yusuke and Futaba, but...

Before he got the chance, a familiar chorale of voices came from several parts of the room.

"SURPRISE!"

Ren was, in fact, surprised. So surprised that he almost dropped the bag of groceries to the floor. His friends and family seemed to be popping out of the woodwork in every corner of the cafe. Futaba came downstairs with Mishima and Haru. Makoto, Ann, and Ryuji popped up from behind the counter. From the kitchen, Yusuke and Sojiro appeared with a small chocolate cake and the words 'Happy Birthday, Ren' written in frosting on top. Tiny music notes decorated the sides of the cake where roses typically sat, and there was a chocolate guitar standing at the very top.

For a few long moments, Ren stood there dumbfounded. What was this? A surprise party? For him? But... "My... my birthday's not—"

"Until Sunday, yeah-yeah, we know," Futaba answered, waving him off. "But we couldn't wait."

Ann nodded. "Yeah! And besides, everyone knows you don't throw a surprise party on the person's _actual_ birthday! They'd totally expect it then!" she pointed out, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

As surprise faded into realization, Ren sought Yusuke's gaze from across the room. Yusuke met his eyes with a loving smile, and suddenly Ren found himself feeling like a complete idiot for ever being worried. Yusuke loved him, and his new friends and family did, too. Things like birthdays and holidays would be different now that he actually had people who remembered and cared to celebrate them. Yusuke's eyes were as calming as ever, like he sensed Ren's tension and was trying to chase the last of it away with a gaze. Ren's smile became more honest then, and he finally tore his eyes from Yusuke's to look around the room.

In spite of himself, Ren couldn't prevent the tears from springing to his eyes. A surprise party with his friends and family—with all the people he loved—was so much more than he ever expected.

Ren blinked and looked away, sliding his fingertips beneath his glasses to wipe his eyes. "Th-thanks, guys," he murmured.

Before Ren even realized what was happening, Yusuke had rounded the counter to pull Ren into a hug. Yusuke pressed a kiss into Ren's hair. "I hope you didn't honestly think I was going to make you cook your own meal on your birthday," he teased, before pulling back and meeting Ren's eyes.

"I _was_ a little surprised," Ren chuckled, then lifted his head to meet Yusuke's eyes.

Most of their lives may have been completely different now. They may have finally found a place to belong and a family to call their own. Their time may have been spent happy now, instead of sad. One thing would always stay the same, though, no matter where they were and what happened in their lives. Yusuke Kitagawa would _always_ be the most important person in Ren's world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we've finally reached the end of Ren and Yusuke's journey this time around! Thanks to all of you for coming along with me on the journey and watching the boys overcome everything ~~I~~ Madarame threw their way to grow into a happy couple together!
> 
> I know things didn't end perfectly happy, but sometimes a perfectly happy ending isn't right for a story. The boys are happy in their new lives together, and for now, Madarame hasn't tried to get them to come back! Not tying everything into a neat little bow leaves me open for a sequel in the future, if you guys want it. At the very least, I have ideas for little in-universe one-shots or two-shots, so I might do those eventually! ♥
> 
> Thanks to my Shukita server friends for always encouraging me and telling me how much they're enjoying my stuff! :D
> 
> A hundred, million, _billion_ thanks to [Nada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueCrownFics/pseuds/BlueCrownFics) for being my amazing beta and an awesome friend, keeping me on track, and telling me that my ideas weren't as stupid as I thought they were! This fic wouldn't have been as good as it was without her help!

**Author's Note:**

> FIND ME!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lizibabbles) ;; [tumblr](http://lizibabbles.tumblr.com/)


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